The Mental Health Thread

[Deleted Member 1156]

Well Homer has been online this morning so he hasn't done anything silly overnight.

 

[Ethan]

Well Homer has been online this morning so he hasn't done anything silly overnight.

He might have bought a chipper. That would be very silly.

Or gone back to Stack'n'Tilt.

Or dug out those alligator skin golf shoes he got on that Florida golf holiday.

To go with the Faldo mid-80s Pringle sweater.

Or joined Royal Lydd.

 

[Deleted Member 1156]

He might have bought a chipper. That would be very silly.

Or gone back to Stack'n'Tilt.

Or dug out those alligator skin golf shoes he got on that Florida golf holiday.

To go with the Faldo mid-80s Pringle sweater.

Or joined Royal Lydd.

Good point well made! ?

 

[Tashyboy]

Last nights results would of helped.

Well they helped me ?

 

[Robster59]

First time I've posted on this thread but some of this relates to what I've written in the Dementia thread.
I think most people have their own mental issues. Things that grind them, take them to the edge, bring on the last straw. The epidemic has really exacerbated that for many, if not most.

I consider myself lucky in that my partner and I are still working, nobody has caught Covid and we're still here. But the mental strain of living with someone who has Dementia, whilst trying to carry on working, is damned hard. You're working but constantly listening out. Your life revolves around their schedule, you can't get out anywhere. Like many, we haven't had a holiday away since about September 2019. No break. We can't put the Father in Law into respite due to the concerns of infection.
The effect it is having on my partner is very visible. She tries to cope as best as she can but occasionally it all spills out, and she has to take it out on someone, and I'm the only person there. Those are not good days, and they then affect me terribly as things are said that she retracts afterwards but just don't go away. I don't know if they ever will.

I wouldn't say I have mental issues but I do have low self esteem and so when somebody runs you down, it merely cements that opinion.
Years ago I took to listening to audiobooks, podcasts, etc. at night to help me to sleep. I still do that and don't think I will stop as it's the only way I can ensure I do. The stories stop my mind from racing.

The hard part is the fact that effectively every day is Groundhog Day. I walk down the stairs in the morning knowing what I will be doing. No change. The alarms on my phone are set for tasks for the Father in Law.

And I know it's wrong, but I don't share these concerns with anyone as I have to look after both my father-in-law and my partner.
But then I look at what is happening to other people, realise there are so many worse off than me, try to put things into perspective.

As a side note, to those who talk about taking their own lives, my brother took his about 7 years ago. There were things going on in his life he just couldn't cope with. An abiding memory for me is the last time I saw him and the picture of him waving goodbye from the window of his flat is one that will live with me forever. I didn't know his issues at the time despite me asking, nor do I believe he would ever share them with me. But I did see the devastation on his wife, children, parents and all those who attended his funeral. 7 years on and I still think if I had known I could have done something.

Sorry for the long post. It's amazing what comes out once you start typing.

 

[Deleted member 15344]

First time I've posted on this thread but some of this relates to what I've written in the Dementia thread.
I think most people have their own mental issues. Things that grind them, take them to the edge, bring on the last straw. The epidemic has really exacerbated that for many, if not most.

I consider myself lucky in that my partner and I are still working, nobody has caught Covid and we're still here. But the mental strain of living with someone who has Dementia, whilst trying to carry on working, is damned hard. You're working but constantly listening out. Your life revolves around their schedule, you can't get out anywhere. Like many, we haven't had a holiday away since about September 2019. No break. We can't put the Father in Law into respite due to the concerns of infection.
The effect it is having on my partner is very visible. She tries to cope as best as she can but occasionally it all spills out, and she has to take it out on someone, and I'm the only person there. Those are not good days, and they then affect me terribly as things are said that she retracts afterwards but just don't go away. I don't know if they ever will.

I wouldn't say I have mental issues but I do have low self esteem and so when somebody runs you down, it merely cements that opinion.
Years ago I took to listening to audiobooks, podcasts, etc. at night to help me to sleep. I still do that and don't think I will stop as it's the only way I can ensure I do. The stories stop my mind from racing.

The hard part is the fact that effectively every day is Groundhog Day. I walk down the stairs knowing what I will be doing. No change. The alarms on my phone are set for tasks for the Father in Law.

And I know it's wrong but I don't share these concerns with anyone as I have to look after both my father in law and my partner.
But then I look at what is happening to other people, realise there are so many worse off than me, try to put things into perspective.

As a side note, to those who talk about taking their own lives, my brother took his about 7 years ago. There were things going on in his life he just couldn't cope with. An abiding memory for me is the last time I saw him and the picture of him waving goodbye from the window of his flat. I didn't know his issues at the time despite me asking, nor do I believe he would ever share them with me. But I did see the devastation on his wife, children, parents and all those who attended his funeral. 7 years on and I still think if I had known I could have done something.

Sorry for the long post. It's amazing what comes out once you start typing.

Hopefully by just typing it out it may well help - the one thing about the forum beyond all the banter etc we all share an enjoyment of many activities and it may not seem it but it’s like a little online family

So don’t ever be afraid to just type away on here - people will always respond positively and you will be surprised on here how many will have gone through the same thing whilst being able to offer some sort of help - if not on the thread but in PMs

So my offer will be there - if you need a chat on here or PMs then just give me a shout

 

[GB72]

This is it. I suspect many of us are from the 'man up' generations and so talking about these things is not seen as the done thing. This thread helps in that it is so much easier to be able to empty out your feelings on the screen than it is to do it face to face. The people on here are not faceless individuals like on social media, even if we have not met them face to face, we know who they are through years of interaction and to be able to vent, blub, whatever helps to a knowing but not personal audience is very helpful.

 

[toyboy54]

Robster....drop me a line,I'm just down the road a few miles.We can meet,talk,lose a few balls together-maybe even have a laugh about how I keep cheating SWMBO out of the insurance money.It's a very fine line we all tread,isn't it and sometimes we fall off.So sorry about your brother-and the damage left behind,but as said it's something I find myself fighting about.
Bollocks,this isn't coming out right--fried brain you see(joke)
Jimbo

 

[toyboy54]

Well Homer has been online this morning so he hasn't done anything silly overnight.

Thank God!
Some great posts and help from you guys about well done.
Jimbo

 

[IanM]

Talk , talk and talk some more... it's the only way.

Stuff with my mum has been awful, but other than that, we've been lucky here . So far.

Keep scrapping all!

 

[Tashyboy]

I don’t know, maybe we are at an age when everything comes at once with Covid being the straw that broke the camels back for a lot of folk.
FIL has dementia with Alzheimer’s and is getting worse. MIL was diagnosed with breast cancer on Monday she is at the end of her tether With everything. MIL rang this morning to say FIL has had a reminder he has a Psychiatric assessment on Monday and he has tripped out big style. Apparently me and BIL have paid for someone to go round and “ duff him up”. Missis Tash has said she will have to stay with her parents whilst MIL recuperates from her hospital treatment.
Daughter rang this morning as young Bradley Tash was broken hearted before he went to skool. His dad is being a *** again and playing mind games with an 8 yr old. All roads lead to Mr and Missis Tash at the moment.
It has to be said that Missis T has been brilliant. Maybe it helps that she is ex NHS nurse and learned to separate emotion from when helping folk. However we are both under no illusions that the road is bumpy and going to get worse. However the one thing that helps is that we talk talk talk.
Stay safe everyone.

 

[IanM]

My mum is 81 and has been in and out if hospital and care home since last May. Her arthritis has got so bad she cannot move and has other issues too.

Only seen her once in 6 months and that was a "through a window" in November.

She is acting very strange at the moment on the phone. Its heartbreaking not being able to anything about it. Got a facetime call with her next week, hope that cheers her up a bit.

There must be thousands of families in this position

 

[Kellfire]

Everyone’s favourite poster checking in…

My mental health has taken a serious dip in the past month as I feel I’ve moved into the next stage of grieving my girlfriend who died last year. I’m firmly in the acceptance stage now and that brings all its own pitfalls. Previously the incredulity of it all seemed to shake me out of my funks whereas now I’m left missing the smallest of things about her that just aren’t there anymore.

The main issues I have right now on a grand scale are the seemingly never ending lethargy. I’m in a vicious cycle of having no energy so I cordon myself off from social interactions (I’ve cancelled going to football with my mates tonight for the fourth week in a row) but this in turn leads to me getting home from work, sitting on the sofa, going to bed and repeating the cycle. I’m lucky that my sleep is relatively sound, all things considered. I have recently bought some dumbbells (I’m a scrawny little thing) and have enjoyed working out with those. The subsequent pain is therapeutic in the way it shows me I’m making progress. I’m also trying to do some cardio on the exercise bike as often as I can which also helps me. I really want to get back to football next week - that’s another vicious cycle where every week I don’t go makes it harder to go back. The lads have a running joke in our WhatsApp group about me cancelling but I’ve not told any of them why I do yet but I think that time is here if they ask again tonight.

The saving grace is I have so many people close to me who are happy to listen to me talk or just lend me a shoulder to cry on. I can’t remember the last day where I didn’t have at least a little cry but that’s normal and I don’t ever feel the need to stop myself or hide that from people.

Talking really does help. As does just putting down how you feel on paper or an Internet forum or wherever you feel you’ll get that relief of “sharing” your burdens.

For anyone else having a crappy time right now, try to focus on the good things as well as processing the bad and keep communicating however you see fit.

 

[SwingsitlikeHogan]

You are having a really tough time and all seems gloomy…but good you are doing ’end of day’ gratitude reflections, but are you actually writing them down…as writing them down makes that real in a way that just reflecting and thinking them doesn’t.

Won’t compensate for your loss but maybe a way of getting head onto pillow at night and getting OK sleep…with tomorrow being another day with its own challenges, challenges that can only actually be dealt with, or at least addressed, tomorrow.

My thoughts and prayers are with you at this time, as they are with all who are struggling with the vicissitudes, slings and arrows of life. GB.

 

[SocketRocket]

Everyone’s favourite poster checking in…

My mental health has taken a serious dip in the past month as I feel I’ve moved into the next stage of grieving my girlfriend who died last year. I’m firmly in the acceptance stage now and that brings all its own pitfalls. Previously the incredulity of it all seemed to shake me out of my funks whereas now I’m left missing the smallest of things about her that just aren’t there anymore.

The main issues I have right now on a grand scale are the seemingly never ending lethargy. I’m in a vicious cycle of having no energy so I cordon myself off from social interactions (I’ve cancelled going to football with my mates tonight for the fourth week in a row) but this in turn leads to me getting home from work, sitting on the sofa, going to bed and repeating the cycle. I’m lucky that my sleep is relatively sound, all things considered. I have recently bought some dumbbells (I’m a scrawny little thing) and have enjoyed working out with those. The subsequent pain is therapeutic in the way it shows me I’m making progress. I’m also trying to do some cardio on the exercise bike as often as I can which also helps me. I really want to get back to football next week - that’s another vicious cycle where every week I don’t go makes it harder to go back. The lads have a running joke in our WhatsApp group about me cancelling but I’ve not told any of them why I do yet but I think that time is here if they ask again tonight.

The saving grace is I have so many people close to me who are happy to listen to me talk or just lend me a shoulder to cry on. I can’t remember the last day where I didn’t have at least a little cry but that’s normal and I don’t ever feel the need to stop myself or hide that from people.

Talking really does help. As does just putting down how you feel on paper or an Internet forum or wherever you feel you’ll get that relief of “sharing” your burdens.

For anyone else having a crappy time right now, try to focus on the good things as well as processing the bad and keep communicating however you see fit.

A very brave and heartfelt post.

Sounds like you're doing the best you can to deal with your grief. It's good that you have people that can support you and help you through this difficult time. Losing loved ones leaves a big gaping hole that only time can somehow fill. Keep as positive as you can, cry when you need to and keep talking.

We are all also here if you ever need to talk anything through. Please PM me anytime if you need someone to listen.

Take care of yourself mate.

 

[Tashyboy]

Had a phone call from me brother today, similar to yesterday. His wife was killed by a drug driver last July. Technically he was only just under the limit. Wiped out three folk having a gentle ride around Derbyshire on there Harleys. He was coming back from a Round of golf having had a beer and “ possibly” fell asleep at the wheel coz he was tired. The sentencing was today, put back til tomorrow. The phone call today was to say it’s been put back til September. Suffice to say me brother is in a mess.
Where do you start? He has packed in his job because he worked at the same company as his wife. He couldn’t handle going back there. He still has pins and plates in his smashed ankle, and needs further ops. Birthdays, anniversaries are all unwelcome reminders. Bottom line he feels he is up Poo Creek without a paddle.
Am not to sure the sentencing will be closure. What exactly is closure. He don’t know know. He has people to talk to but he gets so much advice, some of it contradictory. Am sure it don’t help at times. I talked to him about stages of grieving? Does it help?
What has happened if it is a positive, he has 2 sons. One he has set up a motorbike business with. It has brought the three of them closer. He has grandkids who he sees more of. My brother who was very materialistic has had a look at his life differently and now has different priorities. Slowly and it is slowly he is getting out and doing things. He is kinda living again. He will find the thing that helps him get out of a bloody great big hole he feels he is in.
Like me Playing partner Tricky Trev. His wife had a stroke the December before Covid hit. She was in a coma til the day she passed away the following May. Trev found his way slowly slowly through playing golf, ironically through listening to me and others talking rammel. One thing he did mention was ” it didn’t quite feel right me enjoying myself”. It was all part of the healing process of a wound that never really fully heals.

 

[Piece]

Everyone’s favourite poster checking in…

My mental health has taken a serious dip in the past month as I feel I’ve moved into the next stage of grieving my girlfriend who died last year. I’m firmly in the acceptance stage now and that brings all its own pitfalls. Previously the incredulity of it all seemed to shake me out of my funks whereas now I’m left missing the smallest of things about her that just aren’t there anymore.

The main issues I have right now on a grand scale are the seemingly never ending lethargy. I’m in a vicious cycle of having no energy so I cordon myself off from social interactions (I’ve cancelled going to football with my mates tonight for the fourth week in a row) but this in turn leads to me getting home from work, sitting on the sofa, going to bed and repeating the cycle. I’m lucky that my sleep is relatively sound, all things considered. I have recently bought some dumbbells (I’m a scrawny little thing) and have enjoyed working out with those. The subsequent pain is therapeutic in the way it shows me I’m making progress. I’m also trying to do some cardio on the exercise bike as often as I can which also helps me. I really want to get back to football next week - that’s another vicious cycle where every week I don’t go makes it harder to go back. The lads have a running joke in our WhatsApp group about me cancelling but I’ve not told any of them why I do yet but I think that time is here if they ask again tonight.

The saving grace is I have so many people close to me who are happy to listen to me talk or just lend me a shoulder to cry on. I can’t remember the last day where I didn’t have at least a little cry but that’s normal and I don’t ever feel the need to stop myself or hide that from people.

Talking really does help. As does just putting down how you feel on paper or an Internet forum or wherever you feel you’ll get that relief of “sharing” your burdens.

For anyone else having a crappy time right now, try to focus on the good things as well as processing the bad and keep communicating however you see fit.

Great post.

The lethargy is coming from the mental state. But you already knew that! You're an intelligent man your mind needs good activities and mental stimulation to "feed it". Giving the mind something challenging and/or enjoying will in turn start to remove lethargy. To do that, the behaviour needs to change from "coming home and doing nothing as it's easier" to making that first short step back to doing activities that either you really enjoy or new ones that you want to pursue. It's great that you want to go back to football - it's making that transition from wanting to doing is the hardest. You need to ask yourself (I'm sure you have) what is stopping you from going to football? Is it the tiredness? Is it having to fess-up and answer lots of questions if you do go? Perhaps leave the negative aspects in the "bin" and focus on the amazing benefits both mentally and physically that will occur when you do, and I'm sure, if they are your real mates, you will get a very sympathetic ear if you are short and honest with them. If you do go (whether it's for all the session or just a for a bit), it will be load off your mind, you'll get a buzz and the first step to recovery.

 

[Kellfire]

Great post.

The lethargy is coming from the mental state. But you already knew that! You're an intelligent man your mind needs good activities and mental stimulation to "feed it". Giving the mind something challenging and/or enjoying will in turn start to remove lethargy. To do that, the behaviour needs to change from "coming home and doing nothing as it's easier" to making that first short step back to doing activities that either you really enjoy or new ones that you want to pursue. It's great that you want to go back to football - it's making that transition from wanting to doing is the hardest. You need to ask yourself (I'm sure you have) what is stopping you from going to football? Is it the tiredness? Is it having to fess-up and answer lots of questions if you do go? Perhaps leave the negative aspects in the "bin" and focus on the amazing benefits both mentally and physically that will occur when you do, and I'm sure, if they are your real mates, you will get a very sympathetic ear if you are short and honest with them. If you do go (whether it's for all the session or just a for a bit), it will be load off your mind, you'll get a buzz and the first step to recovery.

And a great post in reply to mine. Thank you!

Yea, I’m very aware of the barriers and that a small step in getting back to more activities will almost certainly bring a big leap forward in my own happiness. Small steps but getting there!

 

[Orikoru]

I've been getting this weird kind of paralysing anxiety with work this week. I was taken off my project (not because I did anything wrong, it's just staff allocation and they often move people around), and effectively put on three new projects at once. Two of them will be handed over when other people become available but I'm doing start-up stuff for them. I'm just struggling to get it straight in my head what I'm doing for all of them, remembering which project is which or what I'm meant to be doing for each. I know that I know how to do this stuff but I just end up blanking, just sitting here with my head in my hands ignoring emails and phone messages. It's too easy to hide when working from home. Coupled with the strong lack of motivation I've seemingly always had, I just can't make myself do what I need to do. It's a weird feeling, like a wall in my head blocking off parts of my brain.

 

[Kellfire]

I've been getting this weird kind of paralysing anxiety with work this week. I was taken off my project (not because I did anything wrong, it's just staff allocation and they often move people around), and effectively put on three new projects at once. Two of them will be handed over when other people become available but I'm doing start-up stuff for them. I'm just struggling to get it straight in my head what I'm doing for all of them, remembering which project is which or what I'm meant to be doing for each. I know that I know how to do this stuff but I just end up blanking, just sitting here with my head in my hands ignoring emails and phone messages. It's too easy to hide when working from home. Coupled with the strong lack of motivation I've seemingly always had, I just can't make myself do what I need to do. It's a weird feeling, like a wall in my head blocking off parts of my brain.

This is exactly the sort of mental block I get at work at times and without fail, once the initial panic settles, the projects slot into place nicely when I’ve had a chance to sit down and work through them.