Orikoru
Tour Winner
Thanks. When I do feel down I try and focus on the future little one and all the new challenges we'll have. Hopefully it means I'll stop worrying about myself full stop! It might be just what I need.
The Mental Health Thread
- Thread starter DanFST
- Start date
RichA
Well-known member
I get where you're coming from.
I'm 51, so a decade or 2 ahead of you. My best years, physically, might be behind me but each new phase that I enter in life, I find myself enjoying it more than the last.
When your body struggles to recover from 11-a-side football, move on to 5-a-side. When that's too much, focus on golf or helping your child get the most out of the pleasures that sport brings.
I was chatting with a 60-something mate recently. He's loving walking football. That's a long way off for you but it shows that there's always something to scratch the itch.
Thanks. When I do feel down I try and focus on the future little one and all the new challenges we'll have. Hopefully it means I'll stop worrying about myself full stop! It might be just what I need.
If you want to chat drop me a message mate.
Easier said than done but don’t
Bottle it up
GB72
Money List Winner
Not alone on the birthday thing. Mine comes from being just before Xmas. Throughout my life, everyone has been so wrapped up in Xmas shopping, Xmas parties and family matters and so my birthday always played second fiddle to the extent that I just gave up and pretty much ignore trying to celebrate as I always take people being busy doing other things at that time of year personally. Don't even go out as pubs and restaurants being full of Xmas decorations, Xmas music and Xmas menus just seems to depress me even more. Not sure that I have properly celebrated a birthday. Sometimes I get lucky and there is a gig I can go to but that is only if it is on a weekend. I am 50 this year and have absolutely no plans to celebrate in a large part due to an iherent fear of people not being able to do anything because of Xmas. Part of me would love a big bash to celebrate the half century but I know I will never arrange anything like that for the reasons mentioned and I will end up convincing my wife that I am happy at home with a few beers and a takeaway.
How about a game of golf with some equally sad people - best not play a cliff top course or one with deep water and take away away belts, shoes laces and sharp implements
backwoodsman
Tour Winner
How one perceives the passage of time is very much an individual thing. We all handle it differently and I can understand where your concerns come from. But remember, with the little one on the way you're about to embark on the most exciting bit of your life so far. Your " ...your life's passed by ..." moment is hopefully one you can banish, to be replaced with 'it's only just starting..."
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Orikoru
Tour Winner
I always play golf on my birthday nowadays. I take the day off work, give my golf buddies notice so they can book it off too, and we'll go and play somewhere we've not played before, ideally. Golf is great to get wrapped up in and forget everything else.
I do have drinks planned on the Saturday but also activities (shuffleboard and beer pong) - we rarely go out for a drink anymore, particularly since the pre-Covid years, so it's nice to have the excuse.
Piece
Tour Winner
Can I ask what you do to fill your day and your week, typically? There is a reason for asking!
Orikoru
Tour Winner
Well I work a desk job, in the office two days a week and WFH three days a week. Usually play football Weds & Thurs evenings, used to play badminton and tennis in the week too but haven't done them for ages while I've had the injury. Might play nine holes on a Tuesday or Friday evening. Make dinner with my wife, on my WFH days we have lunch together and go for a walk.
Piece
Tour Winner
It is very common that people suffering from anxiety disorder spend too much thinking time about trivial and bad things, when what their brain requires is ample diversion (not distraction) to stop them thinking these anxious thoughts. It is training the brain subconsciously to stop the anxious thoughts; you can do this by good diversion when these thoughts pop-up; e.g. listen to a podcast, play a PS game, engage in a new activity where your brain is occupied. Planning a day structure or week structure can be a good way to help to minimise these downtimes where the mind wanders.
Regarding your football; perhaps you can adapt your football activity by reffing instead until you are fitter, or just ref? I don't play anymore because I will get injured so I now ref and do football coaching. Perhaps take up a few new activities to stimulate and occupy the brain.
Tashyboy
Please don’t ask to see my tatts 👍
In all honesty Ori me man. I don’t think you will get an answer to your dilemma ( I say dilemma coz I don’t think there’s a problem) re getting older. No one will say anything that makes you think “ yes that is the answer I am looking for”. It won’t happen. You and you alone will one day figure that out. What I will say is that since last years birthday you have had another year in which has been tough again re Covid and many other things. You have become stronger and wiser because of that. In that last year since your birthday you have found out you will be a dad. Bloody hell your problems have just started in the sense you now become 3 rd in your priorities after your wife and child. It is a very happy problem to have. Especially now there’s a junior Spurs fan in the making.
If I have to be brutally honest Ori. Social Media is full Of cocks who talk like they would never do face to face. You have never once come across as a cock. The fact you are talking tells me you know there’s a dilemma. But one day you will work it out.
Stay safe me man. Tash.
Orikoru
Tour Winner
Oh believe me, I'm always trying to find things that occupy my brain. Probably what led me to this forum originally and why I make so many posts! ?
It is very common that people suffering from anxiety disorder spend too much thinking time about trivial and bad things, when what their brain requires is ample diversion (not distraction) to stop them thinking these anxious thoughts. It is training the brain subconsciously to stop the anxious thoughts; you can do this by good diversion when these thoughts pop-up; e.g. listen to a podcast, play a PS game, engage in a new activity where your brain is occupied. Planning a day structure or week structure can be a good way to help to minimise these downtimes where the mind wanders.
Regarding your football; perhaps you can adapt your football activity by reffing instead until you are fitter, or just ref? I don't play anymore because I will get injured so I now ref and do football coaching. Perhaps take up a few new activities to stimulate and occupy the brain.
I will be giving up the Sunday League soon enough but I have a Thursday night game for an hour that I plan to keep going if I can. ??
Marshy77
Journeyman Pro
That Tash, is bloody brilliant ?
I think, still, us men are scared to talk about our feelings and threads like this most definitely help. A lot of us don't know each other so to make that move to type something, to me, is such a fantastic and positive thing.
As Tash says the last 2 years have been tough on all of us, you've had some unbelievable life changing news with your baby on the way and a new chapter in your life. The fitness will come back, the weight can come off but slower unfortunately than before (I know this first hand!!) and you could incorporate this as a distraction to any negative thoughts or feelings.
D
Deleted member 29109
Guest
Thanks. When I do feel down I try and focus on the future little one and all the new challenges we'll have. Hopefully it means I'll stop worrying about myself full stop! It might be just what I need.
To be brutally honest. Your life as you know it now is over. But….. what you get in return is a whole new life that can be infinitely more rewarding if you embrace it and accept your old life is just that.
It isn’t easy to adjust. And everyone experiences the adjustment differently. I’m 43 tomorrow, today I’ve played 9 holes with my lad, went shopping my 14 year old daughter and cooked for 10 of her friends. I’ve played 5aside this evening and been for a few beers with my mates. 8 of my daughters friends are currently making a racket downstairs thinking they are being edgy listening to Nirvana, Eminem and Metallica.
It’s difficult to replace that feeling you get of playing team sports,
being awake all weekend partying, or the holidays raving in Vegas and Ibiza just because you feel like it that weekend.
As challenging as having kid is. I wouldn’t give up a single minute of it for anything I did prior to having them. Not even the Cat 1 handicap ?.
I gave up my Sunday football when my second was born. I now play 6 aside twice a week. I’m considering giving up one of them to play vets Ice Hockey as my eldest has got me back into skating.
You have a whole new world of possibilities in front of you. Embrace it.
Jimaroid
Journeyman Pro
Your life is just beginning. I mean this. What I’d say is to ignore the male bravado and banter, just focus on preparing to look after the baby and getting to enjoy life’s most wonderful experience. What I write next is completely genuine to me and I say it as someone who was going through some of the feelings you seem to be having. If I could go back and say all this to myself I would. In fact I’d want to give myself a good slap at the same time. Truthfully I think all men face these feelings, and especially at some point towards a first child (mine came in my late 30’s.) Anyone that says they don’t is either lying or too daft to know it. And some of this may not seem believable or genuine right now, I dismissed similar thoughts told to me prior to birth, but I promise it will make sense when you’ve gone through it so I hope you can look back and appreciate this…
The moment I held my daughter in my hands for the first time was the moment my own life finally made any sense. All the worries, doubts, anxiety, depression and self harm vanished. It was replaced by overwhelming feelings of being content with my simple task in life: to be a father, to be family. It was a lightning bolt, a switch that flipped, my life’s entire meaning was held in my hands.
Yes. There will be many sacrifices. But every single time you make that trade-off to do less for yourself and more for your daughter is a really really Good Thing and it brings joy.
You’ll find other hobbies and other ways to find your “me time” - I found for at least the first two years that most “me time” involved a cheeky wee sleep in the car and I didn’t regret a single minute.
You will find ways to overcome and be content that we are all mortal, we all continue to exist in the people we leave behind and “All we are is dust in the wind, dude.”
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Tashyboy
Please don’t ask to see my tatts 👍
Ori , Jim had said what I mentioned in my post. He worked it out himself. You will as well.
Think this is worthy of this thread.
D
Deleted member 15344
Guest
I must admit joining a club and being able to play whenever I want has helped with my depression as time time in the open air getting some exercise is great.
The forum meets or odd 4 ball (some 4 balls are VERY odd) are good as well although I struggle with those where an overnight stay is needed
The forum meets or odd 4 ball (some 4 balls are VERY odd) are good as well although I struggle with those where an overnight stay is needed
Imurg
The Grinder Of Pars (Semi Crocked)
Not having a good day today...?
