Dementia Awareness

[Lord Tyrion]

Cheers LT,
I liken looking after someone with Dementia, as walking down a street passing many doors and wondering or trying to guess which one you will walk through. I say that as I was looking at care homes a Couple of weeks ago. Trying to anticipate walking through that door. I mentioned it to Missis T and she thought it was to early. I have always had a sneaking feeling that things with her father were at a worse stage than he and certainly MIL made out. missis T has Confirmed that.
Ave said it before and I will always say it, Missis Ts training as a nurse has massively helped to defuse situations. The person she saw last night reminded her of when she was a child, when he used to ” trip out” and scream and shout and bully them. Missis T seems to think the dementia has highlighted his personality. She totally understands his dementia Is nothing personal. But my fear is that although she is a tough cookie she may carry a few scars once this is done and dusted.
Ave said it before and I will say it again, this forum has been fantastic for advice and Tash is now googling Dementia forums.
All the best Tash.

One of the saddest things in all of this is that my wife struggles to remember what her mum was like pre dementia and her dad has been such a pig through this that her thoughts of him are permanently scarred. I think her mum going into a home early on would have protected her from at least some of this. It is a shame when good memories get tainted.

 

[Bdill93]

Cheers LT,
I liken looking after someone with Dementia, as walking down a street passing many doors and wondering or trying to guess which one you will walk through. I say that as I was looking at care homes a Couple of weeks ago. Trying to anticipate walking through that door. I mentioned it to Missis T and she thought it was to early. I have always had a sneaking feeling that things with her father were at a worse stage than he and certainly MIL made out. missis T has Confirmed that.
Ave said it before and I will always say it, Missis Ts training as a nurse has massively helped to defuse situations. The person she saw last night reminded her of when she was a child, when he used to ” trip out” and scream and shout and bully them. Missis T seems to think the dementia has highlighted his personality. She totally understands his dementia Is nothing personal. But my fear is that although she is a tough cookie she may carry a few scars once this is done and dusted.
Ave said it before and I will say it again, this forum has been fantastic for advice and Tash is now googling Dementia forums.
All the best Tash.

Sorry to hear all of this Tash, its a sad way to slowly lose a loved one thrugh Dementia. Thoughts are with you and your wife, sounds like a tough time at the moment!

For years my family struggled through supporting my gran before my mum took the bold decision to move her into a specialist home. As LT says above, it gave my mum and her sister their lives back, peace of mind and my gran lived out her final days happily in her home - they still say now they wish they didnt waste years fighting moving her to a home.

All the best to you and Mrs T!

 

[Tashyboy]

One of the saddest things in all of this is that my wife struggles to remember what her mum was like pre dementia and her dad has been such a pig through this that her thoughts of him are permanently scarred. I think her mum going into a home early on would have protected her from at least some of this. It is a shame when good memories get tainted.

One thing I did mention to Missis T was. Her and her brother and sister went round one Sunday morning last August and brought this to a head and told there dad he had to see a dr. This had been going on for a couple of years that I know of. He was diagnosed with dementia and alzhiemers within a month. But the tough decision was made to stop him from driving, eventually. It was totally the right decision. I have told Missis T this morning that I think the right decision is to look for a specialist dementia nursing home. There are some excellent dementia homes in and around Mansfield. I have told her that the decision re stopping driving meant that there were no accidents. No one was hurt. The way things are going on at his house, if nothing is done re finding a nursing home, then the MIL could get hurt. If that happens that will seriously upset Missis T.

 

[Tashyboy]

Sorry to hear all of this Tash, its a sad way to slowly lose a loved one thrugh Dementia. Thoughts are with you and your wife, sounds like a tough time at the moment!

For years my family struggled through supporting my gran before my mum took the bold decision to move her into a specialist home. As LT says above, it gave my mum and her sister their lives back, peace of mind and my gran lived out her final days happily in her home - they still say now they wish they didnt waste years fighting moving her to a home.

All the best to you and Mrs T!

Cheers mah man ?

 

[Deleted member 16999]

One thing I did mention to Missis T was. Her and her brother and sister went round one Sunday morning last August and brought this to a head and told there dad he had to see a dr. This had been going on for a couple of years that I know of. He was diagnosed with dementia and alzhiemers within a month. But the tough decision was made to stop him from driving, eventually. It was totally the right decision. I have told Missis T this morning that I think the right decision is to look for a specialist dementia nursing home. There are some excellent dementia homes in and around Mansfield. I have told her that the decision re stopping driving meant that there were no accidents. No one was hurt. The way things are going on at his house, if nothing is done re finding a nursing home, then the MIL could get hurt. If that happens that will seriously upset Missis T.

This actually helped us make the first step getting the FIL in to a home a few years back, we had the same worry for the MIL and social services were excellent in speeding up the process, initially he was admitted on a 2 week trial basis for respite, but that proved to be enough for it to be made permanent.

I have to be honest though, you need the MIL to “buy” in to it or she could be left with massive guilt.

Good luck mate.

 

[Tashyboy]

This actually helped us make the first step getting the FIL in to a home a few years back, we had the same worry for the MIL and social services were excellent in speeding up the process, initially he was admitted on a 2 week trial basis for respite, but that proved to be enough for it to be made permanent.

I have to be honest though, you need the MIL to “buy” in to it or she could be left with massive guilt.

Good luck mate.

This to a tee, MIL has said “ she don’t know how much longer she can cope”. Not just with her husband but as I type she is having a mastectomy. She has that to deal with. As much as she cannot cope, she has always been an ostrich with her head in the sand when it comes to making decisions.

 

[Tashyboy]

So Missis T came back yesterday. I was chuffed to bits seeing her home. But she looked knackered. Suffice to say once we had chucked the grandsproggs in bed we did nowt but talk about how her week went. We never slept a great deal with our heads spinning. Some of the stories we were crying with laughter. Others not so. MIL is coping really well with her mastectomy. FIL,well.
Me and Missis T dropped the sproggs off at school and went round to see in laws, Missis T is measuring MIL drain and today she had to ring in results as to whether the drain comes out today. ( looks like being tomorrow).
I was shocked at the FIL. When I had seen him before, when he was suffering from his moments he was very quiet. Today he had dropped down a few levels. He never recognised his wife, never recognised Missis T, he recognised Tashyboy straight away. This is not his house, why is there two phones in the house. Raised voice, quiet voice. Quite frankly it was heartbreaking. Yet again Missis T took it in her stride. I owe her a massive holiday somewhere one day. Lord knows what the trigger point was to set him off but his mobile phone which had no credit was a problem. Ave sorted that and EE were fantastic. But it could be anything that started his moment. Suffice to say Me and Missis T have talked on the subject of Care homes but the general consensus is leave it at the moment.
quite frankly Missis T has used her skills as a nurse quite brilliantly, but how the heck other families have coped with this I will never know and they have my utmost admiration.

 

[arnieboy]

I have mentioned my father in law previously and how his dementia affected both him and the rest of the family especially my wife. Tomorrow we lay him to rest, twelve months to the day that my mother in law passed away. This will bring us closure and I just wanted to wish you all the strength to deal with the issues that you face.

 

[Tashyboy]

I have mentioned my father in law previously and how his dementia affected both him and the rest of the family especially my wife. Tomorrow we lay him to rest, twelve months to the day that my mother in law passed away. This will bring us closure and I just wanted to wish you all the strength to deal with the issues that you face.

Cheers Arnie me man, thoughts for you and your beloved tomorrow.

 

[toyboy54]

Christ Tashy...what a hard road to tread for all of you-your missus sounds like mine-just does it,no fuss,no histronics-just does it!Where would we be eh?probably punching walls,killing someone or something.
Keep chin up/love thought of your lass with automatic PeaShooter-genius!

 

[Tashyboy]

Christ Tashy...what a hard road to tread for all of you-your missus sounds like mine-just does it,no fuss,no histronics-just does it!Where would we be eh?probably punching walls,killing someone or something.
Keep chin up/love thought of your lass with automatic PeaShooter-genius!

Cheers TB, I know its been tough for a lot of folk. Yet throughout all this Covid we have been very fortunate. We have had the Grand sproggs due to her being a Bobby and they have kept us same and entertained. Last night we chucked the kids in bed.When we went to bed at 11.20 I checked and they were fast on. missis T crept into room at 11.22 and grandson who is 8 has turned the telly back on and is watching games the little sod. Been doing it a few weeks.
Missis T mentioned how her dad woke her last week about 1.30 am.. she told him it’s the middle of the night and to get back in bed so he climbed into bed at the side of her and snored his head off for half an hour. Woke up again and asked “ what am I doing here”. Missis T has not stopped laughing about it. Maybe it’s the little things that keep us going, that keeps us all going.
Re daughter with the pea shooter, she did her online sergeants exam today ( said it was very tough ) so fingers crossed on that one. She went up to West Yorkshire a couple of weeks ago to try some new semis to replace the H and K. She showed me some of the photos. The latest guns look like kids toys ?. It’s strange hearing your daughter talking about guns. But that’s the norm in her world. Re our better half’s, we are lucky to have The ones we have.?

 

[toyboy54]

Cheers TB, I know its been tough for a lot of folk. Yet throughout all this Covid we have been very fortunate. We have had the Grand sproggs due to her being a Bobby and they have kept us same and entertained. Last night we chucked the kids in bed.When we went to bed at 11.20 I checked and they were fast on. missis T crept into room at 11.22 and grandson who is 8 has turned the telly back on and is watching games the little sod. Been doing it a few weeks.
Missis T mentioned how her dad woke her last week about 1.30 am.. she told him it’s the middle of the night and to get back in bed so he climbed into bed at the side of her and snored his head off for half an hour. Woke up again and asked “ what am I doing here”. Missis T has not stopped laughing about it. Maybe it’s the little things that keep us going, that keeps us all going.
Re daughter with the pea shooter, she did her online sergeants exam today ( said it was very tough ) so fingers crossed on that one. She went up to West Yorkshire a couple of weeks ago to try some new semis to replace the H and K. She showed me some of the photos. The latest guns look like kids toys ?. It’s strange hearing your daughter talking about guns. But that’s the norm in her world. Re our better half’s, we are lucky to have The ones we have.?

Any chance your lass san get me a couple of 'samples to try out'-purely for slow play pest control purposes of course(well maybe even non repairers of pitch marks +myopic parkers)??

 

[Tashyboy]

Any chance your lass san get me a couple of 'samples to try out'-purely for slow play pest control purposes of course(well maybe even non repairers of pitch marks +myopic parkers)??

??
ave already asked, she said there would be one to many in the bag.

 

[toyboy54]

??
ave already asked, she said there would be one to many in the bag.

What???Couldn't even trial a Taser for a couple of weeks??Could come under 'Civillian irresponsibility in a public setting control(or some such PC dross)
Come on Tashy-I need to address these issues to help the course management strategy(lying git-just want some fun)
Am willing to take on this arduous task purely by myself-who knows? if it works, then it could be rolled out across the U.K.-Think of the future-1st golf,then queues,traffic wardens,politicians next stop the world!.....Can't you try a bit of Parental Authority or has that time gone?

 

[Tashyboy]

What???Couldn't even trial a Taser for a couple of weeks??Could come under 'Civillian irresponsibility in a public setting control(or some such PC dross)
Come on Tashy-I need to address these issues to help the course management strategy(lying git-just want some fun)
Am willing to take on this arduous task purely by myself-who knows? if it works, then it could be rolled out across the U.K.-Think of the future-1st golf,then queues,traffic wardens,politicians next stop the world!.....Can't you try a bit of Parental Authority or has that time gone?

?? she knows to many “ bad man “ for me to overstep the mark.

 

[toyboy54]

?? she knows to many “ bad man “ for me to overstep the mark.

That's it you're off the Xmas card list111 but I'll put your missus on instead

Oh well back to verbals

 

[Lord Tyrion]

MiL getting worse. FiL getting worse in dealing with it. She needs to go into an appropriate home where she will be looked after properly. Some mutterings about this happening but the speed of movement is glacial.

To appease guilt my wife has invited them around tomorrow for a bbq. I asked her to do a weather check, I knew the answer ?. 10c, 18-20mph winds meaning a real world temp of 6-7 up here. Who doesn't want to sit outside with temperatures and a wind like that. Pointing this out did not go well ?.

It's going to be a rocky spell but the decisions which are obvious in their need are not going to be made easily. Oh joy. Thank heavens we are allowed to play golf again.

 

[RichA]

For council tax purposes, the partner of someone with dementia is a single person. I don't see why the same wouldn't apply to the COVID rules.
Assuming you aren't already support bubbling with anyone else and all are comfortable with the risks, why not bubble with them and have them inside.

 

[RichA]

Like you said, the obvious decisions are terribly difficult to make and progress. With my mum it took a uti and a hospital stay to precipitate the conversation.
In hindsight, it was obvious that dad couldn't properly care for her and my weekly visits didn't give him enough respite. She was better off in the home, as much as we had sworn we wouldn't let it happen.
Good luck. There is no easy solution or perfect timeline.

 

[Tashyboy]

MiL getting worse. FiL getting worse in dealing with it. She needs to go into an appropriate home where she will be looked after properly. Some mutterings about this happening but the speed of movement is glacial.

To appease guilt my wife has invited them around tomorrow for a bbq. I asked her to do a weather check, I knew the answer ?. 10c, 18-20mph winds meaning a real world temp of 6-7 up here. Who doesn't want to sit outside with temperatures and a wind like that. Pointing this out did not go well ?.

It's going to be a rocky spell but the decisions which are obvious in their need are not going to be made easily. Oh joy. Thank heavens we are allowed to play golf again.

I watched the Jackie Charlton programme the other night. It was heart breaking. It was not the same as what Missis T is going through with her FIL but nigh on identical if you know what I mean.
ironically I was looking for something the other day and came across some photos and tickets from 1973 when I went to watch England school boy U 16’s play Scotland U 16’s at the empire stadium at Wembley. I found a photo of me with Jackie Charlton. He looked massive.