Dementia Awareness

Tashyboy

Money List Winner
Joined
Dec 12, 2013
Messages
13,577
Had a natter wi bro in law last night. We are on the same page. He told me he took Ma in law to hospital last week for some bloods..
She mentioned that she had rung a support team to say he / FIL is getting worse. They said they will send someone out asap to have him reassessed. She said not to bother as he can see the woman he saw last time. She is off work with a hip replacement and could be for another month or 2. Bro in law gave her a piece of his mind telling her she is putting things off again. She said FIL liked her. He cannot remember her. Sat watching 6 - 8 yrs olds footballing without a care in the world. An hour's therapy for tash.
 

clubchamp98

Journeyman Pro
Joined
Jan 23, 2014
Messages
10,533
Location
Liverpool
Had a natter wi bro in law last night. We are on the same page. He told me he took Ma in law to hospital last week for some bloods..
She mentioned that she had rung a support team to say he / FIL is getting worse. They said they will send someone out asap to have him reassessed. She said not to bother as he can see the woman he saw last time. She is off work with a hip replacement and could be for another month or 2. Bro in law gave her a piece of his mind telling her she is putting things off again. She said FIL liked her. He cannot remember her. Sat watching 6 - 8 yrs olds footballing without a care in the world. An hour's therapy for tash.
Any diving and screaming ( in the footy) ?
 

Robster59

Tour Rookie
Joined
Aug 7, 2015
Messages
3,842
Location
Newton Mearns
I've been keeping a watching brief as my Dad has dementia, diagnosed 5 year ago. Things over the last few months have gone rapidly downhill, to point where he was admitted to hospital nearly two weeks ago. He collapsed on the toilet in the middle of the night and my Mum could do nothing but dial 999. Leading up to the event, he had been coughing regularly for no real reason - turns out he has several blood clots (major one on the lungs) and now diagnosed today, a lengthy aneurysm behind the heart. He's on meds for the clots, but the aneurysm is a 50-50 call whether he is left as is or surgery required. Long and short he's too frail currently to undergo surgery (this would only be after several referral visits to St. Georges) and thus hope he carries on and the artery holds. No-one knows how long the clots or aneurysm have been there; fix the clots, less pressure on the aneurysm?

Regarding the dementia, he's mid to late stage and things are starting to shut down. He's relatively fine though (lacking of eating - it's mostly liquid), but as you guys all know, it is really affecting those that do the caring; e.g. my Mum. She has reached her tipping point and understandably keeps breaking down as she has been unable to cope. She can't, and importantly doesn't want to, carry on. She is dreading him coming because she's not in a fit state mentally or physically to cope and although he is a quieter and happier person, he is a different person that my Mum has no affection for. A bit brutal but very understandable. I think at the end of this week he will be discharged and we need to work with discharge team to create a care plan. As a family we will be doing all we can to ensure my Mum is the priority and Dad is the second. We are pushing for 24/7 care in a home to give her that freedom and space, and bluntly, give her her life back in her later years. But it's down to needs, not want, and money. For info, Dad is 88 soon and Mum is 83.

To end this post he's been cared for wonderfully in the NHS hospital.
I hope you get it all sorted. It's difficult times for your but it's something I'm now appreciating how many people face this dilemma. Were looking at Care Homes now and finding the right one is tough. And calls as it sounds, the costs are very high. The missus has find this site which helps.
Care Sourcer
 

oxymoron

Club Champion
Joined
Apr 3, 2014
Messages
277
Just driving in to work and i saw , for the first time , an advertising sign from the Altzheimers society , it read something along the lines of "My fathers dementia is killing me "
As many on here will attest to , never a truer word spoken and it highlights the need for the carerers\familys need for support.
 

oxymoron

Club Champion
Joined
Apr 3, 2014
Messages
277
I hope you get it all sorted. It's difficult times for your but it's something I'm now appreciating how many people face this dilemma. Were looking at Care Homes now and finding the right one is tough. And calls as it sounds, the costs are very high. The missus has find this site which helps.
Care Sourcer
The one thing we found was if you could just turn up at any time to look around were generally the best ones but i dont know how possible in todays climate.
Just a small point but we found it was a pointer to the general running and attitude of the home ie nothing to hide.

Good luck with your search.
 

Hobbit

Ryder Cup Winner
Joined
Sep 11, 2011
Messages
15,903
Location
Espana
I hope you get it all sorted. It's difficult times for your but it's something I'm now appreciating how many people face this dilemma. Were looking at Care Homes now and finding the right one is tough. And calls as it sounds, the costs are very high. The missus has find this site which helps.
Care Sourcer
Yes the costs are very high but if someone needs to go into care for medical reasons, almost all of those costs are paid by the local authority/social services.

We we’re lucky in that the Social worker assigned to MiL knew all the wrinkles, and even warned us that we would have to chase up what was her ‘right.’

Yes it cost a couple of hundred a month but that was less than 20% of the bill.
 

RichA

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 24, 2021
Messages
828
Location
UK
The one thing we found was if you could just turn up at any time to look around were generally the best ones but i dont know how possible in todays climate.
Just a small point but we found it was a pointer to the general running and attitude of the home ie nothing to hide.

Good luck with your search.
Spot on. Some of them look like lovely boutique hotels, which might be great for a private, older person without dementia. Maybe not someone with.
Mum's home in Sutton-in-Ashfield (not the nicest place on the planet) didn't look great on paper or from the outside. Once we got inside, we just knew it was right. Slightly shocking at first - almost like a nursery, such were the needs of some residents, but a friendly, family atmosphere with visitors welcome at any time of day or night - although obviously not the case right now.
Leaving after a visit is incredibly hard to begin with. Be prepared to figure out a method like you'd do if you were dropping a kid off with a minder - pop off "to the loo" and discreetly head for the exit. Sounds horrible, but it's the most painless way.
 

Tashyboy

Money List Winner
Joined
Dec 12, 2013
Messages
13,577
Years ago I visited Missis Ts grandmother in a nursing home, ironically it was in Sutton in Ashfield. It stunk of urine. Bottom line it upset me. Anyway a few years later when brass was tight. I was working in a medical centre, the odd shift as a care assistant at kings mill hospital and every Friday I was an examiner for first aid courses. Missis T was a Nurse, tested miners for Vibration white finger and on Sundays worked in a good pals nursing home. I took the kids to see her one day. I walked in and was shocked by the smell. Missis T asked “ what’s wrong”, I told her. She had tears rolling down her cheeks with laughter.She took me to a room 2 doors away and there was “ Mavis” having her hair Done and it was the perming lotion I could smell. 😳
Ave had a look at care home and there are some good ones in the Mansfield/ Sutton area.
 
Thread starter #251

Lord Tyrion

Money List Winner
Joined
Sep 9, 2014
Messages
19,008
Location
Northumberland
Years ago I visited Missis Ts grandmother in a nursing home, ironically it was in Sutton in Ashfield. It stunk of urine. Bottom line it upset me. Anyway a few years later when brass was tight. I was working in a medical centre, the odd shift as a care assistant at kings mill hospital and every Friday I was an examiner for first aid courses. Missis T was a Nurse, tested miners for Vibration white finger and on Sundays worked in a good pals nursing home. I took the kids to see her one day. I walked in and was shocked by the smell. Missis T asked “ what’s wrong”, I told her. She had tears rolling down her cheeks with laughter.She took me to a room 2 doors away and there was “ Mavis” having her hair Done and it was the perming lotion I could smell. 😳
Ave had a look at care home and there are some good ones in the Mansfield/ Sutton area.
We used to employ a woman who worked in a nursing home. When we started looking at ones for the MiL we mentioned about the urine smell. She did give a word of warning there. When they strip the beds they put the sheets in a basket and move from room to room. If you are there during that time it can smell awful but actually the place is clean. Now, how do you know if you have hit that unlucky half hour or if that is the smell all of the time? Try to visit twice and go at different times of the day was her advice.
 

Robster59

Tour Rookie
Joined
Aug 7, 2015
Messages
3,842
Location
Newton Mearns
Yes the costs are very high but if someone needs to go into care for medical reasons, almost all of those costs are paid by the local authority/social services.

We we’re lucky in that the Social worker assigned to MiL knew all the wrinkles, and even warned us that we would have to chase up what was her ‘right.’

Yes it cost a couple of hundred a month but that was less than 20% of the bill.
Interesting that, as we've been indicated that Care is anything up to £1300 per week but the maximum support he can get is £180 per week. And they need proof that he has enough revenue to cover the first three years. We reckon with the support, state pension and private pension that would contribute about £730, so we're still about £500 per week of contribution we will need to make.
 

Tashyboy

Money List Winner
Joined
Dec 12, 2013
Messages
13,577
Interesting that, as we've been indicated that Care is anything up to £1300 per week but the maximum support he can get is £180 per week. And they need proof that he has enough revenue to cover the first three years. We reckon with the support, state pension and private pension that would contribute about £730, so we're still about £500 per week of contribution we will need to make.
Although this is not a concern of the family at the moment, it’s purely down to the fact they have not thought about it yet. For me it’s gonna be a massive problem. I mentioned about how grateful I was for reading about this thread and how it has given me the heads up on things we may encounter along the way. This is one Of those “ things”.
 

oxymoron

Club Champion
Joined
Apr 3, 2014
Messages
277
Yes the costs are very high but if someone needs to go into care for medical reasons, almost all of those costs are paid by the local authority/social services.

We we’re lucky in that the Social worker assigned to MiL knew all the wrinkles, and even warned us that we would have to chase up what was her ‘right.’

Yes it cost a couple of hundred a month but that was less than 20% of the bill.
I think this has changed , here in Sheffield the local authority only paid up to £550 per week to the bill (i think thats what it was ) , some homes were happy to take this along with the patients pension but only after it left them with an allowance for personal stuff like clothes, toiletries and stuff , the funding is a nightmare to navigate through as there are supplementary benefits that are to be claimed as well to help with the bill but its hard to find exactly what you can claim, some
dementia charities can assist with that side of things..
 

RichA

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 24, 2021
Messages
828
Location
UK
Just played randomly in the car...
Probably haven't heard it since I was a kid and had it on vinyl, but could still remember all the words, down to an infinite loop near the end where my record was scratched.
... which reminded me how amazing the human brain is and how important music was for keeping my mum happy over her last couple of years. Even when she didn't know who we were, she could remember all the words to songs she had probably only heard reluctantly a couple of times on TOTP 30 years earlier.
 
Thread starter #257

Lord Tyrion

Money List Winner
Joined
Sep 9, 2014
Messages
19,008
Location
Northumberland
One of the other pitfalls. Going to the local shop to buy Tena for men for the FiL and hoping people don't think I'm buying them for myself! :oops:
That is what internet shopping was designed for 😆

On a more serious note you should be able to get these supplied foc if it is a regular issue. For my MiL we spoke to an incontinence nurse who arranged for them. Hopefully the same is an option in Scotland, different health service etc.
 

Piece

Tour Winner
Joined
May 16, 2011
Messages
6,136
Location
South West Surrey
I've been keeping a watching brief as my Dad has dementia, diagnosed 5 year ago. Things over the last few months have gone rapidly downhill, to point where he was admitted to hospital nearly two weeks ago. He collapsed on the toilet in the middle of the night and my Mum could do nothing but dial 999. Leading up to the event, he had been coughing regularly for no real reason - turns out he has several blood clots (major one on the lungs) and now diagnosed today, a lengthy aneurysm behind the heart. He's on meds for the clots, but the aneurysm is a 50-50 call whether he is left as is or surgery required. Long and short he's too frail currently to undergo surgery (this would only be after several referral visits to St. Georges) and thus hope he carries on and the artery holds. No-one knows how long the clots or aneurysm have been there; fix the clots, less pressure on the aneurysm?

Regarding the dementia, he's mid to late stage and things are starting to shut down. He's relatively fine though (lacking of eating - it's mostly liquid), but as you guys all know, it is really affecting those that do the caring; e.g. my Mum. She has reached her tipping point and understandably keeps breaking down as she has been unable to cope. She can't, and importantly doesn't want to, carry on. She is dreading him coming because she's not in a fit state mentally or physically to cope and although he is a quieter and happier person, he is a different person that my Mum has no affection for. A bit brutal but very understandable. I think at the end of this week he will be discharged and we need to work with discharge team to create a care plan. As a family we will be doing all we can to ensure my Mum is the priority and Dad is the second. We are pushing for 24/7 care in a home to give her that freedom and space, and bluntly, give her her life back in her later years. But it's down to needs, not want, and money. For info, Dad is 88 soon and Mum is 83.

To end this post he's been cared for wonderfully in the NHS hospital.
My Dad is being discharged from hospital tomorrow. He is going direct to a local home as the medical and care needs have agreed, thankfully, that going home isn't viable for him or my Mum. She is relieved on one hand but crippled with emotional guilt on the other. I am relieved for all.

Now the next step in the journey is around duration of stay and funding. I think he's there for a fully paid six weeks if I understand correct, with a figure of £1,400 a week quoted, to finally assess his needs and care package. As this is new for us with no experience, I'm after any guidance from you guys about what are the options after the six weeks. I guess they means test my Dad's income to see if he can pay all, most, little or none of his care going forward. He is not well off at all, thus it should be little or none. But I don't know what the NHS or whoever has the purse-strings will be able to pay or what's their set limit. I have it in my head they will pay a set percentage/amount (e.g. £1000), then the rest of the care comes out of his pension, savings, benefits, etc.?

Anyone who has an info, I would appreciate it. I just want to ensure that we cover all the bases and that we are not missing out on any entitlement or support to make the process easier. There's lots of resources and info about; it's just piecing it all together to get the right informed outcome. The Beacon website has been very valuable.

Cheers
 
Top