Laughter - the best medicine

Pants

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THE PLAN

In the beginning, there was the Plan.
And then came the Assumptions.
And the Assumptions were without form,
And the Plan was without substance.

And darkness was upon the face of the Workers
And they spoke among themselves saying, "It's a crock of
sh*t, and it stinks."

And the Workers went unto their Supervisors and said, "It
is a pail of dung, and we can't live with the smell."

And the Supervisors went unto their Managers saying, "It is
a container of excrement, and it is very strong, such that
none may abide by it."

And the Managers went unto their Directors saying, "It is a
vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength."

And the Directors spoke among themselves, saying to one
another, "It contains that which aids plant growth, and it
is very strong."

And the Directors went to the Vice Presidents saying unto
them, "It promotes growth, and it is very powerful."

And the Vice Presidents went to the President saying unto
him, "This new plan will actively promote growth, and vigour
of the company with very powerful effects."

And the President looked upon the Plan, and said that it
was good,

And the Plan became Policy.



And this is how sh*t happens
 

Neilds

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Guy playing golf with his wife and she’s stood on the ladies tee while he hits off. He blocks a low drive and hits her square on the back of the head, killing her instantly.
A week later he’s called into the coroner’s office who says “ well upon examination I found a perfect imprint of a Titleist pro v1 on the back of your wife’s head and as we suspected that was indeed the cause of death. But the reason I called you in is that during the autopsy I also found a Srixon Z Star inserted in her bottom?”
“Aaah” says the husband “ that’ll be my provisional. I wondered where that went!”
 

Slime

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Dec 2, 2011
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I was once involved in a car accident with the other car being driven by a dwarf.
He got out of his car, angrily shaking his fist and yelled, "I'm NOT happy!"



"Well," I replied, "which one are you?"
 
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