CliveW
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Three weeks ago I took my hearing aids in for repair...
I haven't heard anything since.
I haven't heard anything since.
Laughter - the best medicine
- Thread starter YandaB
- Start date
Slime
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An assistant to Donald Trump told him she had a fantastic dream last night.
There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump.
Millions lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past.
Bands were playing; children were throwing confetti into the air; there were balloons everywhere.
It was absolutely the BIGGEST CELEBRATION WASHINGTON HAD EVER SEEN!!!
Trump was very impressed and said, "That's really great!
By the way, how did I look in your dream? Was my hair okay?"
His assistant said, "I couldn't tell ........................................... the casket was closed."
There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump.
Millions lined the parade route, cheering when the President went past.
Bands were playing; children were throwing confetti into the air; there were balloons everywhere.
It was absolutely the BIGGEST CELEBRATION WASHINGTON HAD EVER SEEN!!!
Trump was very impressed and said, "That's really great!
By the way, how did I look in your dream? Was my hair okay?"
His assistant said, "I couldn't tell ........................................... the casket was closed."
Leftie
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Lawyer boards flight in Perth with box of crabs, asks stewardess to take care of them saying he’d sue for damages if they thaw. Just before landing, she addresses cabin: "Would the lawyer who gave me crabs in Perth raise your hand?" No response, so she took them home & ate them.
Leftie
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My boss yelled at me this morning: “It’s the fifth time you’ve been late to work this week! Do you know what that means?” “Yes,” I replied. “It’s Friday!"
ColchesterFC
Journeyman Pro
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Well-known member
John Barnes had a bit of a nightmare when sharing a pic on social media ??.
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That could be aimed at some on here!
Slime
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Indeed it could!
Slime
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Two women just knocked on my door and asked me what type of bread I eat.
When I said 'white' they gave me a lecture for thirty minutes on the benefits of brown bread.
I think they must have been The Hovis Witnesses.
When I said 'white' they gave me a lecture for thirty minutes on the benefits of brown bread.
I think they must have been The Hovis Witnesses.
Slime
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A man has collapsed on the London Eye.
Paramedics report that he's coming around slowly.
Paramedics report that he's coming around slowly.
Slime
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Horse or donkey manure has been found to work well in the battle against the coronavirus!
Just pick up a handful and thoroughly rub it into your palms and between your fingers which will result in the following;
1. You will no longer touch your eyes, nose or mouth.
2. Nobody will shake your hand.
3. Nobody will come within 2 metres of you.
4. You will want to wash your hands thoroughly before eating.
What could possibly go wrong?
Just pick up a handful and thoroughly rub it into your palms and between your fingers which will result in the following;
1. You will no longer touch your eyes, nose or mouth.
2. Nobody will shake your hand.
3. Nobody will come within 2 metres of you.
4. You will want to wash your hands thoroughly before eating.
What could possibly go wrong?
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SatchFan
Q-School Graduate
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The good thing about procrastination is that you'll always have something to do tomorrow.
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To err is human. To arr is pirate.
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I was working in a sandwich shop when a hot Greek chick came in and asked, "Do you have any Feta cheese?" I replied, "I'm quite into leather and whips."
