Dementia Awareness

Tashyboy

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My very mild mannered mother threatened dad with a kitchen knife once.
He ended up hiding all the cutlery.
We were told mild people can turn like this and really aggressive people can become very calm, it’s very strange .
His bottle went But his denial over the years made it worse imo.
I think you need to stop him now before he hurts or kills someone.
It’s very difficult to do but the consequences of not doing it might haunt you and Mrs T if he does something in the car.
The problem is with his driving is when he had a Zoom interview Re his dementia, he was told he could have a driving test as the dr had stopped him From driving. He passed it. Initially we were informed he would be retested in 1 year. We think because he mentioned towing, they said retest in six months.
unfortunately because the driving examiner passed him. There’s nigh on nowt we can do bar hope he fails in six months.
 

oxymoron

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The problem is with his driving is when he had a Zoom interview Re his dementia, he was told he could have a driving test as the dr had stopped him From driving. He passed it. Initially we were informed he would be retested in 1 year. We think because he mentioned towing, they said retest in six months.
unfortunately because the driving examiner passed him. There’s nigh on nowt we can do bar hope he fails in six months.

Tashy i don't know if this is possible but how about going down the insurance route ? Surely you have to inform his car insurance about his condition and they may impose conditions or at the least the cost may become too much.
Its a farce that the Dr stops him then he can take a test , which may coincide with one of his good days and then he is allowed back on the road.

I have kept an eye on this thread since dad passed and it is heartbreaking the prevalence of this condition .

Good luck Tashy it sounds like you have a hard journey ahead so all the best .
 

Tashyboy

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Tashy i don't know if this is possible but how about going down the insurance route ? Surely you have to inform his car insurance about his condition and they may impose conditions or at the least the cost may become too much.
Its a farce that the Dr stops him then he can take a test , which may coincide with one of his good days and then he is allowed back on the road.

I have kept an eye on this thread since dad passed and it is heartbreaking the prevalence of this condition .

Good luck Tashy it sounds like you have a hard journey ahead so all the best .

you know I had not even Considered him letting the insurance know. Gonna google to see if it is compulsor.
 

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As I have previously mentioned my FiL is in a dementia care home. Up until now visiting has been once a week for two people outside for half an hour. Due to the weather this has now been moved to inside with only one visitor allowed. Very challenging when several members of the family want to see him.
 

Lord Tyrion

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As I have previously mentioned my FiL is in a dementia care home. Up until now visiting has been once a week for two people outside for half an hour. Due to the weather this has now been moved to inside with only one visitor allowed. Very challenging when several members of the family want to see him.
Is that one vistor only per week, for half an hour only? That is tough, really tough. I know some care homes have locked down completely, no visitors at all but half an hour a week is still brutal. I'm not condeming the care homes incidentally, they were badly shook up in the first wave so I understand them taking these steps.
 

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I have a friend who is a nurse in a care home in Ireland and she says that the biggest challenge is getting the visitors to obey the Covid rules. She's had many an argument with them about it, as in many cases they just ignore them. She herself is not well but is continuing to work, and put herself at risk, to look after the patients so you can understand her frustation.
 

oxymoron

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you know I had not even Considered him letting the insurance know. Gonna google to see if it is compulsor.

A lot of insurer's ask to be informed about changes in medical conditions so its possibly an avenue to explore .
I know it seems a bit underhand but you have his welfare at heart and the safety of others .
What on earth's going on when you can be deemed medically unfit to drive but legally skirt around it , beggars belief really .
 

Robster59

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A lot of insurer's ask to be informed about changes in medical conditions so its possibly an avenue to explore .
I know it seems a bit underhand but you have his welfare at heart and the safety of others .
What on earth's going on when you can be deemed medically unfit to drive but legally skirt around it , beggars belief really .
I think this is a good shout as it could be that if the insurance company aren't informed, and there is an accident, then you might find that they would declare the insurance null and void anyway.
 

clubchamp98

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I think this is a good shout as it could be that if the insurance company aren't informed, and there is an accident, then you might find that they would declare the insurance null and void anyway.
They will.
They do anything to get out of paying.
Find it strange that a driving test pass is in a position to overrule his doctors opinion.
The doctors diagnosis is his mental state not his physical condition to drive a car.
 

arnieboy

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Is that one vistor only per week, for half an hour only? That is tough, really tough. I know some care homes have locked down completely, no visitors at all but half an hour a week is still brutal. I'm not condeming the care homes incidentally, they were badly shook up in the first wave so I understand them taking these steps.
Unfortunately yes, the slots are very hard to come by.
 

4LEX

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Is that one vistor only per week, for half an hour only? That is tough, really tough. I know some care homes have locked down completely, no visitors at all but half an hour a week is still brutal. I'm not condeming the care homes incidentally, they were badly shook up in the first wave so I understand them taking these steps.

I'm in the same boat, one visit a week and she can't understand and thinks everyone has abandoned her. With the nice summer stuff like wheeling her out wasn't an option. Very sad.
 

Tashyboy

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Is that one vistor only per week, for half an hour only? That is tough, really tough. I know some care homes have locked down completely, no visitors at all but half an hour a week is still brutal. I'm not condeming the care homes incidentally, they were badly shook up in the first wave so I understand them taking these steps.
Not wanting to combine threads or go off on topic, but Missis T said when we were in Mexico in March. “God help the care homes”.I asked what she was on about. She mentioned through her role that she said most care homes are not prepared for this. A month or so later she was not just shocked re what was happening in care homes but the lack of what support they were getting. Re dementia patients in care homes. Bless, where do you start.
Re FIL he has had a letter from DVLA today, during his initial assessment with the GP re his dementia and Alzhiemer, she picked up he had heart fibrillation, And informed the DVLA. She had to. In his eyes she is now an even bigger illegitimate child.
 

Lord Tyrion

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Not wanting to combine threads or go off on topic, but Missis T said when we were in Mexico in March. “God help the care homes”.I asked what she was on about. She mentioned through her role that she said most care homes are not prepared for this. A month or so later she was not just shocked re what was happening in care homes but the lack of what support they were getting. Re dementia patients in care homes. Bless, where do you start.
Re FIL he has had a letter from DVLA today, during his initial assessment with the GP re his dementia and Alzhiemer, she picked up he had heart fibrillation, And informed the DVLA. She had to. In his eyes she is now an even bigger illegitimate child.
In every body else's eyes she could be saving lives. One of the many awful things about this illness is how the people who are doing their best to help end up copping flak. The nature of the beast.

Missis T, smart lady. I suspect it was like a slow motion car crash for those like her who could see it happening.
 

clubchamp98

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Not wanting to combine threads or go off on topic, but Missis T said when we were in Mexico in March. “God help the care homes”.I asked what she was on about. She mentioned through her role that she said most care homes are not prepared for this. A month or so later she was not just shocked re what was happening in care homes but the lack of what support they were getting. Re dementia patients in care homes. Bless, where do you start.
Re FIL he has had a letter from DVLA today, during his initial assessment with the GP re his dementia and Alzhiemer, she picked up he had heart fibrillation, And informed the DVLA. She had to. In his eyes she is now an even bigger illegitimate child.
But good at her job!!
 

Tashyboy

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In every body else's eyes she could be saving lives. One of the many awful things about this illness is how the people who are doing their best to help end up copping flak. The nature of the beast.

Missis T, smart lady. I suspect it was like a slow motion car crash for those like her who could see it happening.

One of the advantages Of punching above in marrying Missis T. Lost count the amount of times she has given me help and advice when I worked in the medical at the pit, discussing lads problems.
Re the care homes, in April I had an ex workmate ring me asking if I had any dust masks, safety specs, any PPE I borrowed from the pit when it shut. I borrowed loads, It was either that or put it in the skips. He was scared stiff for his lad in the care home. Emptied the garage sorting him out.
Hope to god we don’t have to make a decision re FIL going into a home.
 

Tashyboy

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But good at her job!!
Bottom line, she has been fantastic, as has all the specialists he has seen. We could not praise them enough. One would suggest there experience of dealing with Dementia patients Means they have seen most of what can and does happen. They have all the answers and answers to questions family have not thought of. Unfortunately FIL just don’t see it.
 

clubchamp98

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Bottom line, she has been fantastic, as has all the specialists he has seen. We could not praise them enough. One would suggest there experience of dealing with Dementia patients Means they have seen most of what can and does happen. They have all the answers and answers to questions family have not thought of. Unfortunately FIL just don’t see it.
Still miffed that a driving test pass can override her diagnosis.
 
D

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Long post, cut short.;)
Just under 4 years ago the m-in-law was given the devastating news that her breast cancer from 13yrs previous had returned as Metastatic breast cancer and spread to her bones.

We took the decision to move her in to our home and look after her, it was the right thing to do for us, but understandibly isn’t for everyone for various reasons.

It’s been dificult at times, we basically put our life on hold to concentrate on her, unfortunately due to spreading to her bones it is her mobility that suffered the most, but still we’ve had a lot of smiles and laughs along the way.

Jan this year she needed radiatiin on her spine when the cancer literally took her legs, but she fought that and got back to walking with crutches, sadly then the virus hit and apart from a hospital appt in june she hadn’t been out the house, added to this my wife is disabled and son autistic it’s been a bumpy road.

The three of us keeping her company basically doing 8hr shifts, you can guess who got nights:unsure:

Bonus for me in the summer was that with the light nights I got to the golf course 4-6 times a week always after 4 o’clock, but realising how lucky I was to get that break.

Sadly they stopped treatment in the summer and gave her 3-6 months, still the laughs continued and mobility descreased severly, but we started to noticed a few mental issues, very forgetful at the start then other issues.

It all came to ahead last thursday when she needed a doctor, they thought she had an infection, but nothing changed, between friday and wednesday morning I had no more than a total of 10hrs kip, she would sleep for no more than an hour and wake up needing the toilet, sometimes it was no more than 5 minutes between trips to the toilet, sadly she wasn’t actually going, but believed she had, she’d eat a meal then ask when she was having dinner, she insisted she could walk and fell twice on monday, thankfully both times I was there to catch her.
Yesterday she told she had heart pains and needed an ambulance, they turned up to her saying it was ok and the pain was now in her knee.

Throughout the whole period we’ve been superbly supported by both MacMillan Nurses and local District Nurses and they in the bsckground were trying to secure a bed in the local hospice for both care for her and respite care for us.

As the paramedics were there examining her we got the call to say they had a bed for her at the hospice, such a relief, the last thing we wanted was her being taken to hospital at the moment.

10hrs at the hospice yesterday, while they got her settled, she was very confused and agitated, back with her today to accompany her to the hospital for a MRI on her spine and brain.

She was a bit brighter today and also had us laughing, she is also getting very paranoid, she told us on our return to the hospice today to be careful what you say to the Staff as they are trying to find out our names and where we live, when asked why, she said it was because they wanted to discharge a patient to our house!!

Watching the loss of mobility was hard enough, but that was gradual, to see the brain decline almost in just weeks/days is horrifying!

Throughout all this the MacMillan Nurses, District Nurses and now Hospice Staff have been incredible, the care and attention she has and is receiving is beyond words, even the staff today at the X-Ray unit were she had her MRI, unreal.

We have no idea how long she has left, the Wife is racked with guilt that we can no longer care for her man, even though she knows it’s the right decision, but I just hope us and everyone else out there remember our incredible Nurses, Doctors and support staff at all levels in the NHS and Health Care System once we best this virus, they were there before it came along and they’ll be there when we’ve beaten it.

It’ll be our turn to look after them and make them feel safe. x
 
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clubchamp98

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Long post, cut short.;)
Just under 4 years ago the m-in-law was given the devastating news that her breast cancer from 13yrs previous had returned as Metastatic breast cancer and spread to her bones.

We took the decision to move her in to our home and look after her, it was the right thing to do for us, but understandibly isn’t for everyone for various reasons.

It’s been dificult at times, we basically put our life on hold to concentrate on her, unfortunately due to spreading to her bones it is her mobility that suffered the most, but still we’ve had a lot of smiles and laughs along the way.

Jan this year she needed radiatiin on her spine when the cancer literally took her legs, but she fought that and got back to walking with crutches, sadly then the virus hit and apart from a hospital appt in june she hadn’t been out the house, added to this my wife is disabled and son autistic it’s been a bumpy road.

The three of us keeping her company basically doing 8hr shifts, you can guess who got nights:unsure:

Bonus for me in the summer was that with the light nights I got to the golf course 4-6 times a week always after 4 o’clock, but realising how lucky I was to get that break.

Sadly they stopped treatment in the summer and gave her 3-6 months, still the laughs continued and mobility descreased severly, but we started to noticed a few mental issues, very forgetful at the start then other issues.

It all came to ahead last thursday when she needed a doctor, they thought she had an infection, but nothing changed, between friday and wednesday morning I had no more than a total of 10hrs kip, she would sleep for no more than an hour and wake up needing the toilet, sometimes it was no more than 5 minutes between trips to the toilet, sadly she wasn’t actually going, but believed she had, she’d eat a meal then ask when she was having dinner, she insisted she could walk and fell twice on monday, thankfully both times I was there to catch her.
Yesterday she told she had heart pains and needed an ambulance, they turned up to her saying it was ok and the pain was now in her knee.

Throughout the whole period we’ve been superbly supported by both MacMillan Nurses and local District Nurses and they in the bsckground were trying to secure a bed in the local hospice for both care for her and respite care for us.

As the paramedics were there examining her we got the call to say they had a bed for her at the hospice, such a relief, the last thing we wanted was her being taken to hospital at the moment.

10hrs at the hospice yesterday, while they got her settled, she was very confused and agitated, back with her today to accompany her to the hospital for a MRI on her spine and brain.

She was a bit brighter today and also had us laughing, she is also getting very paranoid, she told us on our return to the hospice today to be careful what you say to the Staff as they are trying to find out our names and where we live, when asked why, she said it was because they wanted to discharge a patient to our house!!

Watching the loss of mobility was hard enough, but that was gradual, to see the brain decline almost in just weeks/days is horrifying!

Throughout all this the MacMillan Nurses, District Nurses and now Hospice Staff have been incredible, the care and attention she has and is receiving is beyond words, even the staff today at the X-Ray unit were she had her MRI, unreal.

We have no idea how long she has left, the Wife is racked with guilt that we can no longer care for her man, even though she knows it’s the right decision, but I just hope us and everyone else out there remember our incredible Nurses, Doctors and support staff at all levels in the NHS and Health Care System once we best this virus, they were there before it came along and they’ll be there when we’ve beaten it.

It’ll be our turn to look after them and make them feel safe. x
Sounds like you and your family have done a good job .
But there does come a point when for your and the mil professional help is needed.
It’s a very hard thing to do to hand over care of your mum to someone else.
I felt like I had failed ,but now I look back ,I did the best I could do but there comes a time when that’s not enough.
All the best.
 
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