Kellfire
Blackballed
Anxiety is absolutely a mental health issue and not to be taken lightly.
Thanks Phil, and also to the others who have said similar.
Despite the bickering and difference of opinion on some subjects there are some great people on this forum.
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Blue in Munich
Crocked Professional Yeti Impersonator
anotherdouble
Journeyman Pro
Don’t forget he is a left hooker though🤫ðŸ‘😜🤣Never forget that you are one of them James
My depression, in reality, is this....
It’s pretending like nothing is wrong.
It’s not anyone screaming for help, it’s actually the person staying silent.
It’s the tears I cry without anyone knowing because I have no other way to express the overwhelming amount of emotions.
It’s the plans canceled last minute because I can’t seem to muster up the strength and energy to go do anything.
It’s the two days off spent in bed instead of doing something fun because I’m too exhausted from pretending all week.
It’s that dark cloud that hangs over my head and never seems to go away.
It creeps up on me during the most unexpected times, so I sneak away and hide.
It lurks and waits for something great to happen, just so it can ruin it and convince me it’s actually something terrible.
It’s the fear of happiness because I know that at some point, it’s bound to fade away just like the memories.
It’s faded memories and a cloudy mind, unable to recall important things that have occurred in my life.
It is numbing and leaves me unable to function on the really bad days.
The truth is, I’m not happy with my life… at all.
Nothing inside of me wants to continue living a life riddled with anxiety and consumed by depression and trauma.
I think about death on a regular basis, yet I’m not technically suicidal.
I have those few genuine moments in which my laugh or smile is real.
But for the most part, even when I’m smiling or laughing, I’m actually breaking on the inside.
Even when I try to have those moments of happiness and pureness, depression still lingers, reminding me that the sadness is greater.
I wish I could just tell people that sometimes.
I wish I didn’t have to pretend and wear my mask.
In all honesty, it’s the most exhausting thing I have ever done.
I’m so tired when I get home each day and it’s not because of lack of sleep or working all day. It’s from pretending to be happy and bubbly all day long.
No one understands what it’s like to be trapped in such darkness, with no way out and appear to be happy, the drugs don’t always work in a positive way.
No one understands how exhausting it is to put that mask on every single day.
No one understands how badly I just want them to genuinely ask how I’m doing — and be ready to listen to me talk about sad I am, because sometimes, talking about it and sulking in it aren’t always the same thing.
On the bright side, smiling depression has its benefits.
I’m not the stereotypical depressed person that you see on the commercials for antidepressants.
People normally have a positive view of me instead of judging me for constantly being sad.
Very small margins keep me going, but the mask is becoming harder to wear everyday....
It’s pretending like nothing is wrong.
It’s not anyone screaming for help, it’s actually the person staying silent.
It’s the tears I cry without anyone knowing because I have no other way to express the overwhelming amount of emotions.
It’s the plans canceled last minute because I can’t seem to muster up the strength and energy to go do anything.
It’s the two days off spent in bed instead of doing something fun because I’m too exhausted from pretending all week.
It’s that dark cloud that hangs over my head and never seems to go away.
It creeps up on me during the most unexpected times, so I sneak away and hide.
It lurks and waits for something great to happen, just so it can ruin it and convince me it’s actually something terrible.
It’s the fear of happiness because I know that at some point, it’s bound to fade away just like the memories.
It’s faded memories and a cloudy mind, unable to recall important things that have occurred in my life.
It is numbing and leaves me unable to function on the really bad days.
The truth is, I’m not happy with my life… at all.
Nothing inside of me wants to continue living a life riddled with anxiety and consumed by depression and trauma.
I think about death on a regular basis, yet I’m not technically suicidal.
I have those few genuine moments in which my laugh or smile is real.
But for the most part, even when I’m smiling or laughing, I’m actually breaking on the inside.
Even when I try to have those moments of happiness and pureness, depression still lingers, reminding me that the sadness is greater.
I wish I could just tell people that sometimes.
I wish I didn’t have to pretend and wear my mask.
In all honesty, it’s the most exhausting thing I have ever done.
I’m so tired when I get home each day and it’s not because of lack of sleep or working all day. It’s from pretending to be happy and bubbly all day long.
No one understands what it’s like to be trapped in such darkness, with no way out and appear to be happy, the drugs don’t always work in a positive way.
No one understands how exhausting it is to put that mask on every single day.
No one understands how badly I just want them to genuinely ask how I’m doing — and be ready to listen to me talk about sad I am, because sometimes, talking about it and sulking in it aren’t always the same thing.
On the bright side, smiling depression has its benefits.
I’m not the stereotypical depressed person that you see on the commercials for antidepressants.
People normally have a positive view of me instead of judging me for constantly being sad.
Very small margins keep me going, but the mask is becoming harder to wear everyday....
D
Deleted member 15344
Guest
There is a lot of talk in the media about mental health and as someone has already said it’s great that people like William and Harry are using their standing to highlight it
One of my sporting hero’s is Marcus Trescothick and over a decade ago he left an England tour due to mental health issues and it hurt his career but he wrote a brilliant autobiography about it all and i recommend it to anyone - it shows that his anxiety and mental health can hit anyone regardless of how great your life can seem on the outside
One of my sporting hero’s is Marcus Trescothick and over a decade ago he left an England tour due to mental health issues and it hurt his career but he wrote a brilliant autobiography about it all and i recommend it to anyone - it shows that his anxiety and mental health can hit anyone regardless of how great your life can seem on the outside
ScienceBoy
Money List Winner
I always quote CBT as being fantastic help. It gives you great tools to work with.
I know my triggers now and can avoid most situations, sadly wandered into one earlier this year that I am still dealing with! Will sort it soon but having children around diverts me away from sorting as it needs a good few hours work, it’s only that last 10% but I am coping with it.
Back when I first got it in 2009 I also credit golf with helping me through the worst of it. It gave me something to focus on and work at, diverting my mind away.
It’s harder now I have children as I often have anxiety more about them than me.
I know my triggers now and can avoid most situations, sadly wandered into one earlier this year that I am still dealing with! Will sort it soon but having children around diverts me away from sorting as it needs a good few hours work, it’s only that last 10% but I am coping with it.
Back when I first got it in 2009 I also credit golf with helping me through the worst of it. It gave me something to focus on and work at, diverting my mind away.
It’s harder now I have children as I often have anxiety more about them than me.
PJ87
Journeyman Pro
It’s so hard to help people sometimes aswell
A very good friend of mine at work currently suffering. He’s signed off and in a very bad way
We all rallying round but he doesn’t open up.
Just been talking to one the managers who been put in charge of managing him coming to work just to get busy , she now knows everything from my side because I’m in contact with him personally as we go way back and his mum and wife always txt me about their concerns
I’m hoping together we can get him back on track
A very good friend of mine at work currently suffering. He’s signed off and in a very bad way
We all rallying round but he doesn’t open up.
Just been talking to one the managers who been put in charge of managing him coming to work just to get busy , she now knows everything from my side because I’m in contact with him personally as we go way back and his mum and wife always txt me about their concerns
I’m hoping together we can get him back on track
PhilTheFragger
Provider of Entertainment for the Golfing Gods 🙄
SwingsitlikeHogan
Major Champion
Mrs SiLH has just been assessed as suffering mild anxiety but severe depression. The depression is having a terrible effect on her - and is very very real. Very dark place, and I am really struggling to know how to help and support - it seems that everything I do, say or don't say is wrong
This has only really triggered in big time since we got back from travelling and she is now retired with nothing to do. A nurse and mother since the age of 17 she has never had time or energy to develop interests, and without work....she feels that her life is pointless - but try telling her it's not or suggest what she might try and do - all wrong of course
But I'll look back through this thread as I recall some thoughtful and caring advice. The Very Ugly poem read top down really does hit the mark for her at the moment. Bottom Up - I'd love her to read but don't know how I'd make that happen.
This has only really triggered in big time since we got back from travelling and she is now retired with nothing to do. A nurse and mother since the age of 17 she has never had time or energy to develop interests, and without work....she feels that her life is pointless - but try telling her it's not or suggest what she might try and do - all wrong of course
But I'll look back through this thread as I recall some thoughtful and caring advice. The Very Ugly poem read top down really does hit the mark for her at the moment. Bottom Up - I'd love her to read but don't know how I'd make that happen.
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Mrs SiLH has just been assessed as suffering mild anxiety but severe depression. The depression is having a terrible effect on her - and is very very real. Very dark place, and I am really struggling to know how to help and support - it seems that everything I do, say or don't say is wrong
This has only really triggered in big time since we got back from travelling and she is now retired with nothing to do. A nurse and mother since the age of 17 she has never had time or energy to develop interests, and without work....she feels that her life is pointless - but try telling her it's not or suggest what she might try and do - all wrong of course
But I'll look back through this thread as I recall some thoughtful and caring advice. The Very Ugly poem read top down really does hit the mark for her at the moment. Bottom Up - I'd love her to read.
that's sad to hear.
the dark place is a horrible place to be as it just consumes you and takes away your ability to ability to be rational so everything you do will be wrong in Mrs SILH's eyes - I used to blame Mrs D for everything when I was in my dark place.
all you can do is talk to her, listen to what she say's, support her and be there for her - it might not feel like your helping but it will.
you can self refer to mind for counselling and that might help as she wont feel she is being judged by talking to a stranger.
SwingsitlikeHogan
Major Champion
Thankyou for your thoughtful words and support. She has been speaking with NHS Talking Therapy counselling service and is gong to be referred for concentrated CBT (I think)...
Mrs SiLH has just been assessed as suffering mild anxiety but severe depression. The depression is having a terrible effect on her - and is very very real. Very dark place, and I am really struggling to know how to help and support - it seems that everything I do, say or don't say is wrong
This has only really triggered in big time since we got back from travelling and she is now retired with nothing to do. A nurse and mother since the age of 17 she has never had time or energy to develop interests, and without work....she feels that her life is pointless - but try telling her it's not or suggest what she might try and do - all wrong of course
But I'll look back through this thread as I recall some thoughtful and caring advice. The Very Ugly poem read top down really does hit the mark for her at the moment. Bottom Up - I'd love her to read but don't know how I'd make that happen.
If she's been assessed, and accepts that assessment, that's a huge step forward.
As a long time sufferer of PTSD I can recommend Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. The coping strategies that they will develop together can have a great, positive impact.
One suggestion, if you're having an argument, make sure its worth having, i.e. let her win if its trivial and only opinion based. She needs to feel she has some control of the drift in her life. Confronting it can make it worse.
As for retiring and being at a loose end. I know the feeling but, equally, I'd created a bucket list long before I retired - all the things I'd put off, like really getting into astronomy and astrophotography.
Good luck Hugh, and best wishes to your better half.
SwingsitlikeHogan
Major Champion
Many thanks Brian. Her first year after retiring was filled with prep'ing for some Autumn hols - and planning for us travelling. Then we went. And now we are back - and I am back at work (though trying to wind down). So for that first year she and we were busy and travelling to new and wonderful places. Now........
Your suggestion about arguments is spot on. We had one last night over me trying to find and failing to find her job description in a folder in our loft. I couldn't understand and got hugely frustrated over why she wanted a specific few pieces of A4 paper that could almost be anywhere in the house, when she could easily get on-line a job description for her last job. She was not interested and was angry with me for not looking further and telling her what she knew. What she didn't tell me was that she and her boss had drafted a JD completely specific to her own role in the team. I was frustrated and my voice was raised, and she got angry with me for not listening, shouting - and trying to control her needs...yes - quite...
And then this morning she mentioned it would have been with stuff she brought home when she had finished work - and it would be with a coloured stripy folder. And with that new info I knew exactly where to find her JD. And I did.
But the argument last night...
Piece
Tour Winner
This is a great thread that I missed as I was on holiday. It is certainly right to get these items out in the open and discuss.
I want to write something that will hopefully give a different and accurate perspective, something to consider that may help understanding or give you a new viewpoint. It will be mainly about anxiety, a topic I know inside out, having attended curative seminars and workshops, and lived and breathed the wrong and right treatments for 30+ years. Before I go any further, I am not a qualified physician or physiologist, just someone who has suffered and accumulated a large library of knowledge on anxiety.
First up, we have to be very clear on what the condition is to allow the right treatment. Mis-diagnosis and misunderstanding is a primary reason why sufferers continue to suffer. Depression, stress, anxiety and clinical depression are separate issues. Also, some of these are NOT mental illnesses. Clinical depression is a mental illness caused by a chemical imbalance, treatable by the right medication. Anxiety is the disorder of the emotion of fear, brought about by your behaviour, therefore it is a behavioural condition - this is important to understand. Depression is the opposite of anxiety; again it is behavioural condition, not a mental illness. Stress is a normal human reaction to pressure or focus. It is similar to anxiety, but different in that anxiety is abnormal or irrational thoughts on even trivial items. I firmly believe that depression and anxiety do not co-exist because they are opposite ends of the emotional spectrum - this will cause a stir and I know people will disagree. Anxious people are always on edge whereas depressed people aren't. It is like being happy and sad at the same time - it doesn't happen. You either have a form of anxiety or you have depression, not both. Anxious people feel sad and down, but that's not the same as depression. Get the right diagnosis and you have a chance at the right treatment.
Anxiety. The first step to curing anxiety is understanding what it. As I've said above, anxiety is the disorder of the fear emotion. Fear is normal and we need it to survive. Anxiety is not normal, noting the difference between stress and anxiety mentioned above. Anxiety is a learned condition, brought about by our behaviour and all our human senses. Who gets anxiety? Not all of us do, around 10-20% of the population. It is thought that those with a creative mind, minds that need constant stimulation and distraction, will suffer, in varying degrees.
There are quite a few forms of anxiety - PTSD, OCD, General Anxiety Disorder, PureO, Phobias, to name but a few. They are all related, can be mild or severe, but ALL have one thing in common in that they are all part of the anxiety family, caused by our behaviour, and therefore eminently treatment by a change in behaviour. When I say "behaviour", it is how we react and think, based on the human senses information given to one part of the brain, the amygdala. Anxiety sufferers' behaviour is irrational, particularly the thoughts we have. There's loads of risk assessment going on, usually on trivial, irrelevant and irrational things; also known at the "What Ifs". You give the subconscious mind irrational data, then it will respond with irrational symptoms. It is a self-perpetuating cycle: continue with this behaviour and the benchmark for anxiety rises and the brain looks for new ways to keep raising it. The cycle continues, until something breaks...panic attacks, crying, breakdown, etc. Just an aside =>Panic attacks. Did you know it is the body's way of eliminating high levels of adrenaline? It's a normal response if you have very high levels and are continuing to add to it with your anxiety condition. It is like the body wanting to do some physical exercise. Once you know this and you know that it CANNOT, in any way, harm you, despite being unpleasant, then it helps recovery.
So what's the treatment? Traditionally you go to the doctors and they diagnose a form of anxiety. You could then be prescribed some drugs. You could be sent on a counselling 6 sessions course. You may get a course of CBT. Even hypnosis. Some of these will help no doubt, provide temporary reassurance, but they will NOT cure fully and permanently. Looking at each one => [1] Medication is hit and miss, and often, make things worse when the dosage is increased or new drugs are changed. For some, they do provide stabilisation, reassurance and foundation to get better. As I've said though, anxiety is a behavioural condition, therefore medication can provide initial stability but not a cure. [2] Counselling. Talking about your problems and getting it out in the open is one thing. Continually talking about your anxiety in one-to-one sessions, only re-enforces your behaviour as an anxious person. Don't give it life! There really won't be one trigger that you need unearth when you were young or experienced that will suddenly be a light bulb moment and means you are cured. What happens after the session? You think about your anxiety - this is bad 'behaviour'. And then after the six sessions? You are own your own with no tools to cure. Back to square one. [3] CBT. Works on changing your conscious behaviour and thought processes. This does makes sense on the surface and will help some. However, CBT cannot alter subconscious behaviour, unless you consciously change your behaviour to alter what info goes to brain, via our senses. What I mean by this, as an example, is that when a dog runs out in the road, your subconscious takes over and either swerves the car or stops it; you don't think consciously, "there's a dog in the road, what do I do, not sure, shall I brake, stop, or what?". By this time, the dog is flat. Subconscious process here is a two-stager: see, then react. Crudely, CBT works on the principle of three stages: see, think, react. In summary, these three aforementioned treatments are geared to managing and relieving anxiety and not necessarily curing it.
What is the cure then? Simply put, it is understanding what anxiety is, why it happens and then changing your behaviour by using a set of anxiety 'life rules' that a non-sufferer does automatically. Life rules => There isn't a manual to walk - you learn it and it happens. Anxiety sufferers need to have this 'manual' to re-learn to become 'normal' again. Example of these life rules are: don't rely on medication; don't talk about your anxiety during recovery; bring in good structure to your daily life; give your brain new and interesting activities, plus others. The last two are essential. So many anxious people live sheltered lives, meaning that their brain is starved of stimulus that it needs and it looks internally and irrationally to feed on the 'junk food' info that it is currently getting. Like a non-anxious person, you want to think rational thoughts and not the continually negative "what if.." thoughts and you do this by changing behaviour and building what is called new neural pathways. Being clear, there isn't a magic pill to take that cures it. You have to put in the work to change your behaviour.
Why do I know the above works? I self-diagnosed myself with General Anxiety Disorder (GAD), mild PTSD and heavy Health Anxiety. Looking back I had this from when I was 10 or so. Developed PTSD when I was 29 after a traumatic incident and that fanned the fire of my GSAD and Health Anxiety. I went to my doctors years ago and went down the counselling route, medication, etc. etc. Revisit, repeat, etc. It didn't work and thought that was it. That was me and for life. It was only when I researched and researched that I came across a method that offered a cure and not just a treatment. This was a couple of year ago. Cut a long story sort, I did the (Linden) method and seminars; I am so much much better, have a far better understanding of anxiety and what it is, and importantly I'm pretty much cured. Occasionally, I do suffer mildly, but I know what it is and why it's occurred - bad behaviour, boredom, lack of structure and lack of stimulation!
Above is a brief and simplified walk-through. Details are missing and my explainers may not be great. It is designed to give people a different and more accurate viewpoint on anxiety, hopefully shedding some light and give you knowledge and power on a subject that is all too common, but one which can be cured and not just managed. Please ask me if you have any questions or want more info, and I can help where I can.
I want to write something that will hopefully give a different and accurate perspective, something to consider that may help understanding or give you a new viewpoint. It will be mainly about anxiety, a topic I know inside out, having attended curative seminars and workshops, and lived and breathed the wrong and right treatments for 30+ years. Before I go any further, I am not a qualified physician or physiologist, just someone who has suffered and accumulated a large library of knowledge on anxiety.
First up, we have to be very clear on what the condition is to allow the right treatment. Mis-diagnosis and misunderstanding is a primary reason why sufferers continue to suffer. Depression, stress, anxiety and clinical depression are separate issues. Also, some of these are NOT mental illnesses. Clinical depression is a mental illness caused by a chemical imbalance, treatable by the right medication. Anxiety is the disorder of the emotion of fear, brought about by your behaviour, therefore it is a behavioural condition - this is important to understand. Depression is the opposite of anxiety; again it is behavioural condition, not a mental illness. Stress is a normal human reaction to pressure or focus. It is similar to anxiety, but different in that anxiety is abnormal or irrational thoughts on even trivial items. I firmly believe that depression and anxiety do not co-exist because they are opposite ends of the emotional spectrum - this will cause a stir and I know people will disagree. Anxious people are always on edge whereas depressed people aren't. It is like being happy and sad at the same time - it doesn't happen. You either have a form of anxiety or you have depression, not both. Anxious people feel sad and down, but that's not the same as depression. Get the right diagnosis and you have a chance at the right treatment.
Anxiety. The first step to curing anxiety is understanding what it. As I've said above, anxiety is the disorder of the fear emotion. Fear is normal and we need it to survive. Anxiety is not normal, noting the difference between stress and anxiety mentioned above. Anxiety is a learned condition, brought about by our behaviour and all our human senses. Who gets anxiety? Not all of us do, around 10-20% of the population. It is thought that those with a creative mind, minds that need constant stimulation and distraction, will suffer, in varying degrees.
There are quite a few forms of anxiety - PTSD, OCD, General Anxiety Disorder, PureO, Phobias, to name but a few. They are all related, can be mild or severe, but ALL have one thing in common in that they are all part of the anxiety family, caused by our behaviour, and therefore eminently treatment by a change in behaviour. When I say "behaviour", it is how we react and think, based on the human senses information given to one part of the brain, the amygdala. Anxiety sufferers' behaviour is irrational, particularly the thoughts we have. There's loads of risk assessment going on, usually on trivial, irrelevant and irrational things; also known at the "What Ifs". You give the subconscious mind irrational data, then it will respond with irrational symptoms. It is a self-perpetuating cycle: continue with this behaviour and the benchmark for anxiety rises and the brain looks for new ways to keep raising it. The cycle continues, until something breaks...panic attacks, crying, breakdown, etc. Just an aside =>Panic attacks. Did you know it is the body's way of eliminating high levels of adrenaline? It's a normal response if you have very high levels and are continuing to add to it with your anxiety condition. It is like the body wanting to do some physical exercise. Once you know this and you know that it CANNOT, in any way, harm you, despite being unpleasant, then it helps recovery.
So what's the treatment? Traditionally you go to the doctors and they diagnose a form of anxiety. You could then be prescribed some drugs. You could be sent on a counselling 6 sessions course. You may get a course of CBT. Even hypnosis. Some of these will help no doubt, provide temporary reassurance, but they will NOT cure fully and permanently. Looking at each one => [1] Medication is hit and miss, and often, make things worse when the dosage is increased or new drugs are changed. For some, they do provide stabilisation, reassurance and foundation to get better. As I've said though, anxiety is a behavioural condition, therefore medication can provide initial stability but not a cure. [2] Counselling. Talking about your problems and getting it out in the open is one thing. Continually talking about your anxiety in one-to-one sessions, only re-enforces your behaviour as an anxious person. Don't give it life! There really won't be one trigger that you need unearth when you were young or experienced that will suddenly be a light bulb moment and means you are cured. What happens after the session? You think about your anxiety - this is bad 'behaviour'. And then after the six sessions? You are own your own with no tools to cure. Back to square one. [3] CBT. Works on changing your conscious behaviour and thought processes. This does makes sense on the surface and will help some. However, CBT cannot alter subconscious behaviour, unless you consciously change your behaviour to alter what info goes to brain, via our senses. What I mean by this, as an example, is that when a dog runs out in the road, your subconscious takes over and either swerves the car or stops it; you don't think consciously, "there's a dog in the road, what do I do, not sure, shall I brake, stop, or what?". By this time, the dog is flat. Subconscious process here is a two-stager: see, then react. Crudely, CBT works on the principle of three stages: see, think, react. In summary, these three aforementioned treatments are geared to managing and relieving anxiety and not necessarily curing it.
What is the cure then? Simply put, it is understanding what anxiety is, why it happens and then changing your behaviour by using a set of anxiety 'life rules' that a non-sufferer does automatically. Life rules => There isn't a manual to walk - you learn it and it happens. Anxiety sufferers need to have this 'manual' to re-learn to become 'normal' again. Example of these life rules are: don't rely on medication; don't talk about your anxiety during recovery; bring in good structure to your daily life; give your brain new and interesting activities, plus others. The last two are essential. So many anxious people live sheltered lives, meaning that their brain is starved of stimulus that it needs and it looks internally and irrationally to feed on the 'junk food' info that it is currently getting. Like a non-anxious person, you want to think rational thoughts and not the continually negative "what if.." thoughts and you do this by changing behaviour and building what is called new neural pathways. Being clear, there isn't a magic pill to take that cures it. You have to put in the work to change your behaviour.
Why do I know the above works? I self-diagnosed myself with General Anxiety Disorder (GAD), mild PTSD and heavy Health Anxiety. Looking back I had this from when I was 10 or so. Developed PTSD when I was 29 after a traumatic incident and that fanned the fire of my GSAD and Health Anxiety. I went to my doctors years ago and went down the counselling route, medication, etc. etc. Revisit, repeat, etc. It didn't work and thought that was it. That was me and for life. It was only when I researched and researched that I came across a method that offered a cure and not just a treatment. This was a couple of year ago. Cut a long story sort, I did the (Linden) method and seminars; I am so much much better, have a far better understanding of anxiety and what it is, and importantly I'm pretty much cured. Occasionally, I do suffer mildly, but I know what it is and why it's occurred - bad behaviour, boredom, lack of structure and lack of stimulation!
Above is a brief and simplified walk-through. Details are missing and my explainers may not be great. It is designed to give people a different and more accurate viewpoint on anxiety, hopefully shedding some light and give you knowledge and power on a subject that is all too common, but one which can be cured and not just managed. Please ask me if you have any questions or want more info, and I can help where I can.
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SwingsitlikeHogan
Major Champion
Great post Piece. I myself have suffered pretty serious anxiety and panic attacks in the past - and your description of my thinking (washing machine head) is spot on - as is what you have said about sorting it - changing my way of thinking. No point in just trying to not feel anxious. Like telling an alcoholic that the way to stop drinking is, by will power, to not drink.
I have had to be taught and teach myself to identify my triggers and how I handle my thoughts - so what can I do; what is for me; what is none of my business; what can I do nothing about; what can I do today; what do I need to do today; what can wait for another day - and so on. I have to keep my head as empty as I can of the rubbish of life the likes of which I used to carry around in my head - completely unnecessarily. I see myself with a threshold to my anxieties - as I approach it fear will build up - over the littlest things - as I have too much in there; when I go over the threshold - panic attacks and all you describe. It is not the size of the issue that would trigger me but everything else it was on top of. I have changed my behaviour - I have changed my thinking. A work in progress a day at a time.
But each and every day I have a different threshold and so I know I must keep my head as clear as possible and deal with things as they turn up - and get rid of as much as possible. If I have a lot to do any one time I decide what one thing I will deal with today, and positively put the rest aside - for today.
And I recognise very much the difference between my anxiety and my wife's depression - her anxiety is mild - mainly over our son. But that is as much general worry about him and it doesn't really bother her too much - she can cope OK with that, But her assessment of severe depression rings true. Very different feelings from those I felt 'back then' - and I am not sure that what I do to manage my anxiety will work for her depression - in fact I am pretty certain it won't, and even if it might I know that I am the wrong person to be working with her on it.
Many thanks again for sharing your thoughts
Mudball
Assistant Pro
Wow... an old thread raises it head... could not be at a better time.
Both these subjects have been amplified x100 during lockdown.
Both these subjects have been amplified x100 during lockdown.
PhilTheFragger
Provider of Entertainment for the Golfing Gods 🙄
Actually an old thread , regurgitated by a spammer,
99% of resurrected threads are like this
However it is an important topic, so feel free to add to it ?
99% of resurrected threads are like this
However it is an important topic, so feel free to add to it ?
Mudball
Assistant Pro
This week I have hit a mental wall -
mostly work... last week, was down with fever et al. The whole lack of testing fiasco drove me up the wall. Luckily all negative. Was expecting a couple of deals but they got lost/deferred (due to Covid and Brexit related uncertainties)... so back to drawing board. I have a great team who pick each other up but somewhere in the back of my mind, I fear failure.
So called up some of my old university mates and we all had a laugh. The great thing with old buddies is that we can be ourselves and laugh at ourselves and not judge.
But I have an anxiety lurking at the back of my mind. Winter is coming
mostly work... last week, was down with fever et al. The whole lack of testing fiasco drove me up the wall. Luckily all negative. Was expecting a couple of deals but they got lost/deferred (due to Covid and Brexit related uncertainties)... so back to drawing board. I have a great team who pick each other up but somewhere in the back of my mind, I fear failure.
So called up some of my old university mates and we all had a laugh. The great thing with old buddies is that we can be ourselves and laugh at ourselves and not judge.
But I have an anxiety lurking at the back of my mind. Winter is coming
Tashyboy
Please don’t ask to see my tatts 👍
Had a lot of lads who “ fell off a cliff” when the pits shut. I know of two who got there mojo back playing golf with me, honest to god. It’s not good seeing your pals shedding tears on the course, not knowing what’s gonna happen to them. Then a minute later them hugging you and thanking you for listening. One of them is back to his old self and is living the dream.The other was living the dream until he started with Parkinson’s A couple of years ago.
One of the lads now laughs about his dark days. His description of his head going and sleeping rough in Nottingham for a couple of weeks “ the cheese fell off me cracker”.
working in the medical centre I kept it simple with the lads so they could understand. Everyone’s life is a plate, it will only only hold so much. Work out what is important on the plate. deal with that.The rest is not important, put It back on the plate at a later date.
Above all talk.
