Anxiety and mental health - help me understand

[Mudball]

 

[mamaliga]

This disturbing feeling often put me in a decadent state, as if I was falling from an airplane but without a parachute...

 

[jim8flog]

Put simply I have enough personal experience of trauma through the years to know if you are starting to suffer seek professional help.

 

[Deleted member 29109]

Don't really talk about this much.
But. As the son of a northern builder in a vary working class family I was brought up very much in a men should be men, don't show emotion environment.

I had what is probably a typical attitude in that I thought anyone claiming to be suffering from stress and depression should cheer up and MtFU.
I worked in a reasonably stressful environment under pressure much of the time. Did a lot of study outside of work including starting an MSc.
I thrived under the pressure, I almost couldn't function normally without a deadline or multiple things going on at once. Playing golf I had to make every round competitive in some way. Even when playing on my own.

Then over the space of about 7 months a series of unfortunate events occurred which I won't go into here.

I found myself with increasingly less energy, sleeping was becoming patchy and my mood with the wife and kids, in fact pretty much everyone went down hill. I found myself angry at everyone and everything.

Sleep got worse to the point where I would wake up at 3 in the morning feeling anxious about something. Could be work, cutting the lawn, the guttering being blocked what might happen at the keds football at the weekend. It was a very strange experience for someone who had previously slept like a log.

This all spiraled out of control to the point where I could sit at work for 8 hours and do absolutely nothing. And then come home and sit on the sofa and do absolutely nothing. This then breeds mot anxiety and so on.

The odd thing about it, was I knew what was happening, I could see it almost as if it was happening to someone else.

I'd find myself not wanting to go to work. Then not wanting to go home.

Things finally came to a head one day at work. There had been some issues with a particular part of a project and some of the other team members and another manager were trying to pin it on a few people who were in no way responsible, but were seen as an easy target to throw under the bus. I ended up having a stand up argument about it in the office wich resulted in me walking out. And never going back.

Luckily I got out of having to work my substantial notice and started another job pretty quickly.

But I still wasn't right and questions started being asked of my ability at the new place. And back into the downwards spiral I went.

The wife finally 'convinced' me to go to the Docs. Which was more like a therapy session. And I was prescribed some medication. Which was great once it started working, but I felt like *** for two weeks.

For about three months I felt great and things were getting back to normal. Had regular trips to the Docs and dosage for the pills was tweaked. Then I started to realise that unlike before the meds when I was angry and anxious. I wasn't actually feeling anything anymore. Not sad or happy or angry. Just nothing.

At that point without telling anyone I went cold turkey on the meds after realising that I would have to manage this myself. That was a hard few weeks.

Since then I've been largely pretty normal (for me anyway ?) and can spot the triggers of the stress or anxiety starting again so I can deal try to with it. I've had ups and downs, especially during lockdown like most people.

I know some will say just man up or cheer up. I've had the same opinion myself. But as people say, you can't always tell what's going on in a person's head or why they are feeling the way they do.

So now I would always give the benifits of the doubt. But I will also call people out for being negative unnecessarily all the time as that attitude drags other people down. I try my best to look for the good and opportunity wherever possible. Even in tough times.
Never waste a good crisis as they say.

Sorry for the long rambling post. But I hope it helps some people understand.

 

[IanM]

The wife finally 'convinced' me to go to the Docs. Which was more like a therapy session. And I was prescribed some medication. Which was great once it started working, but I felt like *** for two weeks.

All of your post is familiar to me... and the bit I've copied is the key bit. If you break your arm, no one will tell you to "pull yourself together!" You'd expect to go for an x-ray and get it fixed up. At some point you know (hopefully) that this is a bit more than "feeling a bit peed off" and something more is needed. If you lucky, you have someone close who convinces you of the requirement. There are other treatments than pills too... but you have to get to the GP first.

I had serious suffering with this in 2009, and again in 2012... but pretty much ok since. (expect for the odd feeling! It can be managed, over come, and even beaten, with the right action.

 

[Dando]

I’ve always said that I’d rather have an arm or leg missing than have depression as at least people would see that I’ve got something wrong with me.
I’m really struggling at the moment as we’ve not been able to escape to our caravan and still can’t next week as it’s in a tier 3 area but there are plenty of people who are in a much worse place than me

 

[Dando]

 

[Mudball]

Don't really talk about this much.
But. As the son of a northern builder in a vary working class family I was brought up very much in a men should be men, don't show emotion environment.

I had what is probably a typical attitude in that I thought anyone claiming to be suffering from stress and depression should cheer up and MtFU.
I worked in a reasonably stressful environment under pressure much of the time. Did a lot of study outside of work including starting an MSc.
I thrived under the pressure, I almost couldn't function normally without a deadline or multiple things going on at once. Playing golf I had to make every round competitive in some way. Even when playing on my own.

Then over the space of about 7 months a series of unfortunate events occurred which I won't go into here.

I found myself with increasingly less energy, sleeping was becoming patchy and my mood with the wife and kids, in fact pretty much everyone went down hill. I found myself angry at everyone and everything.

Sleep got worse to the point where I would wake up at 3 in the morning feeling anxious about something. Could be work, cutting the lawn, the guttering being blocked what might happen at the keds football at the weekend. It was a very strange experience for someone who had previously slept like a log.

This all spiraled out of control to the point where I could sit at work for 8 hours and do absolutely nothing. And then come home and sit on the sofa and do absolutely nothing. This then breeds mot anxiety and so on.

The odd thing about it, was I knew what was happening, I could see it almost as if it was happening to someone else.

I'd find myself not wanting to go to work. Then not wanting to go home.

Things finally came to a head one day at work. There had been some issues with a particular part of a project and some of the other team members and another manager were trying to pin it on a few people who were in no way responsible, but were seen as an easy target to throw under the bus. I ended up having a stand up argument about it in the office wich resulted in me walking out. And never going back.

Luckily I got out of having to work my substantial notice and started another job pretty quickly.

But I still wasn't right and questions started being asked of my ability at the new place. And back into the downwards spiral I went.

The wife finally 'convinced' me to go to the Docs. Which was more like a therapy session. And I was prescribed some medication. Which was great once it started working, but I felt like *** for two weeks.

For about three months I felt great and things were getting back to normal. Had regular trips to the Docs and dosage for the pills was tweaked. Then I started to realise that unlike before the meds when I was angry and anxious. I wasn't actually feeling anything anymore. Not sad or happy or angry. Just nothing.

At that point without telling anyone I went cold turkey on the meds after realising that I would have to manage this myself. That was a hard few weeks.

Since then I've been largely pretty normal (for me anyway ?) and can spot the triggers of the stress or anxiety starting again so I can deal try to with it. I've had ups and downs, especially during lockdown like most people.

I know some will say just man up or cheer up. I've had the same opinion myself. But as people say, you can't always tell what's going on in a person's head or why they are feeling the way they do.

So now I would always give the benifits of the doubt. But I will also call people out for being negative unnecessarily all the time as that attitude drags other people down. I try my best to look for the good and opportunity wherever possible. Even in tough times.
Never waste a good crisis as they say.

Sorry for the long rambling post. But I hope it helps some people understand.

Tnx for sharing.. I think i get this in waves. and this lockdown is making me walk on the edges. The number of times i have woken up blank at 3am... and then not going back to sleep. As i posted on another thread, i have stopped listening to the news now. I used to be on the road travelling to europe every week. Absolutely loved it - meeting clients, our teams, food, culture - even though i never saw a place. it was usually Airport-office- dinner/hotel- office- airport. we do a lot of work with Europe with london being our HQ. This lockdown has meant that I havent seen the inside of a plane since Feb. By next Feb it will be first time in 20 years i haven been in a plane.

Lockdown has proved that man is a social animal.. unlike the millennials, i need real people to talk to. Unfortunately, even after the vaccine, we will get hit by the Bre**t Bus. I am sure we will adapt, but that road to adapting just gives me jitters. We did some redundancies at the start of the year, and i can see more coming next year as we move HQ to europe. How does one sleep.

I spoke to a school Bursary administrator the other day. He says they have a rising tide of applications from existing parents who need support for the next financial year (rather than a permanent one). Next year my son is moving to secondary school. i would like to private, which we could work towards, but now i have second thoughts. All that contributes to lack of sleep, anxiety.

I dont think I am at a stage for pills, but i do feel like throwing a remote at the TV when i see a two faced lying politician (of any party)

 

[Fade and Die]

Tnx for sharing.. I think i get this in waves. and this lockdown is making me walk on the edges. The number of times i have woken up blank at 3am... and then not going back to sleep. As i posted on another thread, i have stopped listening to the news now. I used to be on the road travelling to europe every week. Absolutely loved it - meeting clients, our teams, food, culture - even though i never saw a place. it was usually Airport-office- dinner/hotel- office- airport. we do a lot of work with Europe with london being our HQ. This lockdown has meant that I havent seen the inside of a plane since Feb. By next Feb it will be first time in 20 years i haven been in a plane.

Lockdown has proved that man is a social animal.. unlike the millennials, i need real people to talk to. Unfortunately, even after the vaccine, we will get hit by the Bre**t Bus. I am sure we will adapt, but that road to adapting just gives me jitters. We did some redundancies at the start of the year, and i can see more coming next year as we move HQ to europe. How does one sleep.

I spoke to a school Bursary administrator the other day. He says they have a rising tide of applications from existing parents who need support for the next financial year (rather than a permanent one). Next year my son is moving to secondary school. i would like to private, which we could work towards, but now i have second thoughts. All that contributes to lack of sleep, anxiety.

I dont think I am at a stage for pills, but i do feel like throwing a remote at the TV when i see a two faced lying politician (of any party)

Some real truth in the highlighted bit... Since my wife went into hospital 10 weeks ago with Liver failure (autoimmune not drink related) I've been spinning plates on poles! Work is really busy and we are not big enough for me to withdraw, My teenage kids, god bless them but they are pretty useless. (our fault I know) So its shopping and housework when I get home or all weekend, Friends and family forever wanting updates so I am constantly re-living all the stuff that is going on at the Hospital. Trying to put a brave face on when I speak to my wife or a Doctor. TBH I feel like I am being stretched to breaking point but I am very aware that my "family" has no safety net so I will just carry on. But getting back to your highlighted bit, what I wouldn't give to just go to the pub with my brother, drink half a dozen stellas and then go for a curry and not talk about anything serious...just a bit of Bar Stool preaching.

 

[Hobbit]

Tnx for sharing.. I think i get this in waves. and this lockdown is making me walk on the edges. The number of times i have woken up blank at 3am... and then not going back to sleep. As i posted on another thread, i have stopped listening to the news now. I used to be on the road travelling to europe every week. Absolutely loved it - meeting clients, our teams, food, culture - even though i never saw a place. it was usually Airport-office- dinner/hotel- office- airport. we do a lot of work with Europe with london being our HQ. This lockdown has meant that I havent seen the inside of a plane since Feb. By next Feb it will be first time in 20 years i haven been in a plane.

Lockdown has proved that man is a social animal.. unlike the millennials, i need real people to talk to. Unfortunately, even after the vaccine, we will get hit by the Bre**t Bus. I am sure we will adapt, but that road to adapting just gives me jitters. We did some redundancies at the start of the year, and i can see more coming next year as we move HQ to europe. How does one sleep.

I spoke to a school Bursary administrator the other day. He says they have a rising tide of applications from existing parents who need support for the next financial year (rather than a permanent one). Next year my son is moving to secondary school. i would like to private, which we could work towards, but now i have second thoughts. All that contributes to lack of sleep, anxiety.

I dont think I am at a stage for pills, but i do feel like throwing a remote at the TV when i see a two faced lying politician (of any party)

I used to work with a Sales Director who, at times, used to get very frustrated with changing policies, especially when we got a new MD. Eventually, he went for counselling. One of the main things that he told me was don't get involved in big company issues. Whatever the staffing level is going to be won't be affected by what you think. Whatever new policies are being formulated you can't affect. Deal with what is yours. Don't give a second thought to things you can't affect because as you start second guessing them and making assumptions you will get further from the truth of what will happen and more wound up because of it. Leave big problems to the big people.

As for politicians on TV, switch it off. Seriously, switch it off or turn it over. I used to love Question Time. Mrs Hobbit has banned it, and I sleep better because of that.

 

[Mudball]

Some real truth in the highlighted bit... Since my wife went into hospital 10 weeks ago with Liver failure (autoimmune not drink related) I've been spinning plates on poles! Work is really busy and we are not big enough for me to withdraw, My teenage kids, god bless them but they are pretty useless. (our fault I know) So its shopping and housework when I get home or all weekend, Friends and family forever wanting updates so I am constantly re-living all the stuff that is going on at the Hospital. Trying to put a brave face on when I speak to my wife or a Doctor. TBH I feel like I am being stretched to breaking point but I am very aware that my "family" has no safety net so I will just carry on. But getting back to your highlighted bit, what I wouldn't give to just go to the pub with my brother, drink half a dozen stellas and then go for a curry and not talk about anything serious...just a bit of Bar Stool preaching.

Before the latest fakedown, i went to the pub and curry with a couple of friends... the first visit since March... absolutely brilliant night out.. we talked rubbish with no care in the world. Got home and mrs asked 'what did you guys talked about'... she could not believe when i said 'nothing'...

I used to work with a Sales Director who, at times, used to get very frustrated with changing policies, especially when we got a new MD. Eventually, he went for counselling. One of the main things that he told me was don't get involved in big company issues. Whatever the staffing level is going to be won't be affected by what you think. Whatever new policies are being formulated you can't affect. Deal with what is yours. Don't give a second thought to things you can't affect because as you start second guessing them and making assumptions you will get further from the truth of what will happen and more wound up because of it. Leave big problems to the big people.

As for politicians on TV, switch it off. Seriously, switch it off or turn it over. I used to love Question Time. Mrs Hobbit has banned it, and I sleep better because of that.

I agree with some of that... unfortunately, i do get involved in some of these issues - though there are always bigger issues out there.
re the news... i agree, i switched off.... cant see buffoons shouting and changing policies every day. I just work in PJs everyday, i order all my shopping.. i can go days without meeting a real person (other than family) and spend the day on Team/conference calls .. I could be working on the ISS space station without the spectacular views of the Earth..

 

[Rooter]

Before the latest fakedown

Its comments like that tell me that your opinions and conspiracy theories are not helping.

 

[Kellfire]

View attachment 33729

I used this service from the hospital room my girlfriend was dying in because I genuinely thought I might hurt myself when she died.

It bought me the breathing space I needed to collect myself and reenergise myself to keep going. A brilliant service.

 

[jim8flog]

The wife finally 'convinced' me to go to the Docs. Which was more like a therapy session. And I was prescribed some medication. Which was great once it started working, but I felt like *** for two weeks.

For about three months I felt great and things were getting back to normal. Had regular trips to the Docs and dosage for the pills was tweaked. Then I started to realise that unlike before the meds when I was angry and anxious. I wasn't actually feeling anything anymore. Not sad or happy or angry. Just nothing.

.

That sounds like fluoxetine (Prozac , Sarafem) I saw it do the same for my wife. When I decided it was about time I took some meds I refused that as the med and had Doxepin instead. Easy to go on to and come off, you still get the same *** first 2 weeks because all you want to do is sleep but for me that is major point. Sometimes I take it just to get my sleep back in to sensible pattern.

 

[Mudball]

Its comments like that tell me that your opinions and conspiracy theories are not helping.

no mate.. nothing to do with my theories... i am frustrated by the way we seem to be some many variations of the lockdown and so many covidiots and privilaged folks flouting it with no consequence.

 

[Mudball]

What a day.. on Friday night, i thought i had enuf of the nonsense, so decided to take Sat off from whatever is going on...

Had a lie in. Woke up when nipper crawled into the room with a book (dark material). He read it and i dozed off. Woke up around 9:30am.. Made both of us breakfast. Potted around the house. Put up new wifi mesh.. spent ages changing passwords and discovering new devices that are connect to the web. Then we got some McD take aways for lunch.

when the Mrs came home, told her not to talk to me about her patients or corona or what tier we are in. Then as a family we watched couple of episodes of Dark Material on iplayer. Siesta. Then potted around. Spoke to old friends around the world on whatsapp. A wee bit of Jura dram. Light dinner with the Mrs.

Slept like a log last night..

Did not see the news, did not hyperventilate about things I cant fix.
Moral of the story... staying away from the negativity, even for a day is good for your own sake.

 

[ScienceBoy]

I’m really trying to get on top of my anxiety at the moment, it’s crippling me. Looking at talking therapies at the moment as a realistic option for just getting back to being myself.

 

[Piece]

I’m really trying to get on top of my anxiety at the moment, it’s crippling me. Looking at talking therapies at the moment as a realistic option for just getting back to being myself.

If you are struggling with anxiety, suggest you look up The Linden Method. It will tell you all you need to know about anxiety and how you can cure it with the right plan and behaviour.

 

[ScienceBoy]

If you are struggling with anxiety, suggest you look up The Linden Method. It will tell you all you need to know about anxiety and how you can cure it with the right plan and behaviour.

I’m pretty far on with my understanding, unfortunatly I am being the bottleneck, making that move to get help is one of the hardest bits. I have someone lined up and confirming this week, I’ve got to commit to it!

 

[Tashyboy]

When I worked in the medical at the pit, two things that people never suffered with were bad backs and stress. You couldn’t see them so they were not there. But black your nail, coz it was a common injury and throbbed more, you got more sympathy.
The term “man up“ and “get on with it”. Was the normal treatment.
Some of the lads that suffered greatly with stress it was heart breaking. A lad who I knew from school days and helped me massively with bullying. 13 years after I left school I met him at the second pit I worked at. He was in the middle of a massive breakdown. His gaffer tipped him over edge and he was in my bosses office crying his eyes out. His gaffer came in and suggested he needed taking to the bottom of the garden and “ Twatting“ over the back of the head with a shovel to shake him out of it.
It is the closest I have ever come to losing my job by hitting someone.
Thankfully he came through his dark days by talking. He was at a stage where he had no Choice but to talk. But all cases where I have been involved with the lads who have suffered with stress and mental anxiety the common factor is to talk talk talk to someone.Strangely enough the gaffer who said me pal needs a shovel around the back of his head ended up on the same settee with the same boss crying his eyes out due to stress. God how I wanted to say to him” should I fetch a shovel.
Strange how some folk need different stimulation to recharge there batteries. 6 x Stella and a curry for some, grandkids for me and others.
Stay safe everyone.