Trash talked by old timers: any tips?

[Monty_Brown]

I was recently treated to a game at a very nice course that shall remain nameless. It was me and a buddy playing with his old man, who is also secretary of the club. Thing is, I can't help feeling we were taken for a ride by a couple of wiley campaigners.

It was an after work rush to get there, and as we pulled into the car park, his old man was stood there with his clubs slung over his shoulder and rushed us straight to the 1st tee, where we "bumped into" his mate who just happened to be out for a late afternoon knock. Young 'uns vs old 'uns was suggested. What followed was an education in relentless mind games and veterans' trash talk. Suffice to say we were soundly beaten.

It was the quantity, rather than quality that wore us down!

What I really want to know is what are the best lines people have heard as FRIENDLY banter/mind games/trash talk, so I'm armed and ready for next time

I stress this is only for friendly games with people I know and not being used to cheat genuine opponents. I respect the spirit of the game at all other times, but sometimes needs must!

 

[chris661]

Jeez your swing looks great do you breath in or out on the downswing?

 

[slugger]

shut your hole

 

[CallawayKid]

Jeez your swing looks great do you breath in or out on the downswing?

Oh I love that one Chris...this may get an airing in our 'Friendly' this weekend!

CK

 

[SimonC]

Let your golf do the talking. I played a bloke in singles matchplay who never shuts up. He constantly says things to try and put you off your game, even before we teed off he was at it.

I birdied the first 4 holes and lipped out on the next and made par on the next 3 he soon shut up when I was 7 up through 8 holes.

 

[chris661]

Jeez your swing looks great do you breath in or out on the downswing?

Oh I love that one Chris...this may get an airing in our 'Friendly' this weekend!

CK

If it is sunny don't forget the old "putting throught your shadow is a nightmare" as well

 

[FaldosJumper]

shut your hole

Lol... Try, does your husband play? Crumbs you don't swing like a xx handicapper or someone that says they've played for a while.

There's all sorts for different occasions... Like if playing with a high handicapper and they tee it up, do their practice swings stop them and say with your handicap shouldn't you be playing off the ladies tees? Watch them then duff their next shot

Maybe if they've missed a few putts tell them not to throw their clubs in the garage when you get home or you'll miss...

Personally using obscene foul language upsets them, especially at the top of their swing

 

[Monty_Brown]

Some crackers here.. keem them coming.

"That's a good shot... with that swing" is an oldie but goodie

 

[bobmac]

You'll probably find they've heard them all before.

 

[FaldosJumper]

Jeez your swing looks great do you breath in or out on the downswing?

Oh I love that one Chris...this may get an airing in our 'Friendly' this weekend!

CK

If it is sunny don't forget the old "putting throught your shadow is a nightmare" as well

Yes the old you want to avoid OB to your left/pond and the like quotes. Or is it me or has the wind changed? That'll play havoc with your slice kind of quotes always work a treat! By isn't that fairway tight? Look at that gorse

 

[chrisd]

If they announce the make of ball on the first tee

"what will you use for your second shot?"


Chris

 

[timchump]

Jeez your swing looks great do you breath in or out on the downswing?

Oh I love that one Chris...this may get an airing in our 'Friendly' this weekend!

CK

If it is sunny don't forget the old "putting throught your shadow is a nightmare" as well

Yes the old you want to avoid OB to your left/pond and the like quotes. Or is it me or has the wind changed? That'll play havoc with your slice kind of quotes always work a treat! By isn't that fairway tight? Look at that gorse

that sounds fimiliar,

be careful with your "power fade" anything down the right on here and your looking at 3 off the tee,

watch out for the bunker right of the green

that sort stuff on every shot

 

[FaldosJumper]

You'll probably find they've heard them all before.

Yes but it puts thoughts in their minds... Having said that they'll probably forget what you said anyway, if their old timers a dig at their age wouldn't be a bad idea either or talking about your wife's/girlfriends pert anatomy

 

[HRC99]

Just dish it right back at them. I always enjoy that kind of banter as I think it toughens you up mentally.

 

[pokerjoke]

When my playing partner picks out the big dog and knocks it 200 yards down the fairway,as were walking to his ball i ask him what iron he took off the tee[good banter].

 

[CMAC]

its great fun and if it actually puts anyone off then they shouldnt be on a golf course.

I knew a guy who let birds/squirrels/car-in-the-distance put him off

I sometimes say after my reasonable drive (and not to anyone but just as its landed) "Can't see anyone beating that one today"
watch them try............

 

[SirSliceAlot]

These are caddys lines but I'm sure they could be adapted to badgering some old duffers!
Oldies but goodies!

#10
Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"

#9
Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."

#8
Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."

#7
Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
Caddy: "Eventually."

#6
Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a
Coincidence."

#5
Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time.
It's too much of a distraction."
Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."

#4
Golfer: "How do you like my game?"
Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf."

#3
Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?
Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day."

#2
Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on."
Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."

#1
Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old."
Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."

 

[Monty_Brown]

I knew a guy who let birds/squirrels/car-in-the-distance put him off

How is Monty these days?

 

[Swinger]

I always like the 'Do you need that marker moved' when your nowhere near the line.

Then when they try this one later on in the round I always say '3 to the left please'.

That throws them.

 

[znuffzz]

upon opponent stuffing a shot, carefully inspect their bag and declare

"hmmm looks like you've got a problem with your loft - lack of f*cking talent"