Trash talked by old timers: any tips?

[GeneralStore]

Banter in a friendly game is 1 thing, but some of these comments, if made in a competitive round or for the sole purpose of throwing someone off his game is bad sportsmanship and pretty lame

HRC99, I agree with your comment, exposed to it enough, it toughens you up, which is a good thing

 

[brendy]

If a mate hits a bad putt from inside 6 feet, "you did have a poor lie" or "that one looked good in the air".

 

[Piece]

Nothing puts off people more than giving them incessant cr$ap swing tips!

 

[Mattyboy]

In a recent foursomes match, my partner piped to one of the oppo, 'youve got to wonder whose side your partner is actually on!'

Class!

 

[SonicBoom]

I always like to compliment my opponent on their shirt, followed by "do they make it in mens sizes too?"

Or if they hit a particularly lame drive ...
"so tell me does your husband play?"

And of the course the old classic when they have duffed a few, offer the advice "you are standing too close to your ball............. after you've hit it".

 

[One Planer]

And of the course the old classic when they have duffed a few, offer the advice "you are standing too close to your ball............. after you've hit it".

Do they then ask for you to take penalty strokes for offering advice during play?

 

[bladeplayer]

Reply with a mumble or speak realy low , if they ask what you said say "yep thought so" if they ask you a question like do you want the marker moved just reply something like "titlest or ford focus"or something not related to the question etc, best one of all as you are walking along near them just break out laughing to yourself & speak like your having a conversation , ask them did they hear that , when they reply .. hear what? just say "ah doesnt matter " will freak out anyone ha ha not recommended for a serious game tho ..

 

[HomerJSimpson]

Played in a fourball match recently and one of the opposition turned round and asked if the transfer window was still open as his mate carved one into the next county off the tee. His mate didn't see the humour and there were some pretty strong mutterings for a few holes so banter can get out of hand. We didn't care we were five up by the time the kissed and made up

 

[Ethan]

Bring up the subject of what golf club you would like to be buried with, then point out that in your case you will probably have another 40 or 50 years to decide.

You could also discuss how many times a night you need to get up for a slash.

Also take the piss a bit. Say how much you like watching old timers on TV, players like Lee Westwood and Ernie Els. Say that someone was winding you up and told you a ridiculous story that drivers used to be made of wood and balls were full of wound elastic.

Also talk to them by moving your mouth but saying nothing and make them think they are going a bit deaf(er).

 

[AuburnWarrior]

I'm playing with Smiffy tomorrow - I'll tell you tomorrow night what puts an old timer off...

 

[Naybrains]

I always like the 'Do you need that marker moved' when your nowhere near the line.

Then when they try this one later on in the round I always say '3 to the left please'.

That throws them.

Superb

 

[Naybrains]

if they ask you a question like do you want the marker moved just reply something like "titlest or ford focus"or something not related to the question

Brilliant!!!
Crying with laughter at the thought of trying some of these on the old twats at my club.

 

[richart]

I always like the 'Do you need that marker moved' when your nowhere near the line.

One of my favourites that one.

You could also try 'don't worry about standing on my line' when they go to hole out, and are no where near it.

 

[MashieNiblick]

Wait til one of them tees off last then ask to have a look at his driver. Have a swing and pull a surprised/puzzled face and say something like "my mate had one of those, could never hit it straight". Next time he slices his tee shot say "Ah there you are see, could be that club. My mate's always seemed to go right just like that. I think it's the way the face is set up".

You can then continue this theme all the way round just undermining his confidence in his driver. E.g. ask to have a hit and manufacture the biggest slice you can.

 

[HickoryShaft]

A few mates and some banter - can't beat it.

Guy I know downloaded a tone on his phone that sounds like an electric razor - if you duff a couple it usually comes out and he declares 'I didn't need a shave when we started this hole' ...always good to ramp up the pressure - lol

 

[Crow]

When your opponent hits it a bit fat from a perfectly good lie:

"Well out"

 

[viscount17]

'I wasn't sure if I should say anything but as you're playing so badly it really won't make any difference'

'have you always toed your feet in like that?'

 

[Leftie]

I'm playing with Smiffy tomorrow - I'll tell you tomorrow night what puts an old timer off...

Just wait for the time that he duffs one off the tee (it won't take long) and say something like " well, you had a crap lie".

 

[Imurg]

One that gets aired very frequently in the Imurg v Fragger confrontations is
"No-one likes to see that" as a ball is carved right.

or " That is just.......tragic" when a putt finishes short.

 

[MashieNiblick]

Of course the classic work on all this is Stephen Potter's "Art of Gamesmanship". Written in the 1950's I think. Hilarious. Also see "School for Scoundrels" an old film with Terry Thomas and Ian Carmichael based on the book. Really funny.