Private Schools... is it what it is cracked to be & not just toff?

[Mudball]

There are a few private schools around here and being Surrey, you can see some really posh cars going in and out of these. I am pretty sure that fees are not cheap either. The received wisdom was its for a very privileged section of the society.

I played a round with someone recently and got talking. He was middle class, 50+ and recently started golf after the kids flew the nest. Interesting conversation with him which changed my perception of private families. In a nutshell he put 2 kids thru private schooling and they earned top grades and went to good university and now into strong jobs in the city.

The bit that changed my view was when he mentioned that they did not go to many good holidays or other luxuries so that they could pay for the kids to go to pvt school. He did mention that there is a gulf among the kids and he has dropped off the kids to play dates/birthdays to big houses

Now the kids have flown, he has the money (and time) to play.. plus he has rediscovered his wife and they go on hols. so looks like not everyone is not rolling in it at these schools after all.

 

[CliveW]

I sent my two sons to private school in Edinburgh back in the late 90s. I was self employed at the time and it was a great sacrifice to afford the fees. I worked from 8am to 7pm six days a week for eight years to pay for their education. We had no family holidays and we didn't drive a fancy car, but it was paid for. I couldn't afford to pay into a private pension either but to me it was worth it to give them the best opportunity I could.

Private schooling (Or public as it's called in England) now seems to be the preserve of "New" money as most children are from families who can afford the best whereas a generation ago it was the likes of solicitors, bankers and gentry who sent their kids to private schools.

Neither of my boys went on to university, but they both have jobs they enjoy and are extremely happy.

Would I send them there if I had the choice again? Probably not, but I feel I have given the best start in life I could.

 

[USER1999]

I went to public school. My parents were not minted. Was it worth the sacrifice? Probably not. It gave me a good education, taught me independance early, but also in being independant, it taught me a lot of bad habits. If I had kids, and I don't, I would keep them at home, and make the little blighters work like a trojan.

 

[Mudball]

I went to public school. My parents were not minted. Was it worth the sacrifice? Probably not. It gave me a good education, taught me independance early, but also in being independant, it taught me a lot of bad habits. If I had kids, and I don't, I would keep them at home, and make the little blighters work like a trojan.

A friend of mine went to Boarding school and is doing really well. But for the life in her, she would never send her kids to Boarding..

 

[GaryK]

Going off at a slight tangent and not intentionally hijacking the thread, I was "fortunate" enough to get into a grammar school.
Up until that point, I had excelled in education, but the grammar schooling just did not work for me - I believe that I would have been much better going to a regular state comprehensive.
Add into the mix that the school was single sex (boys), I think that did not help me in life (coming from a male only family environment after my mother left in my younger years).

I guess that the point that I am trying to make is that different forms of education (private/public, grammar, comprehensive, mixed/single sex) suit people differently.

 

[patricks148]

i went to both prep school and public and Boarded, taught me lot about self reliance, managed to go to a good university and get a job in the city.

We don't have any children, but if we did i wouldn't hesitate to send mine

 

[Hacker Khan]

Full disclosure in that my daughter goes to a private all girls school. Yes they are not cheap but we started saving when she was born to give her the opportunity if she wanted to go and passed the entrance tests. And you could argue that if we wanted a house like ours in an area near a sought after comp, then over the length of a mortgage, we would have probably paid more than the school fees to have it. Whilst we do OK, we are not hugely well paid, but as we started saving 11 years ago we have just cut our cloth accordingly when it comes to how we spend our money over the years. But there is no way we could have suddenly found the money to send her if we hadn't of saved up.

There are many types of private schools and there is a big difference between say Eton which probably gives the impression that all private school are full of toffs, and other ones. Yes at my daughters school there are a few posh kids from massive houses, but there are also many whose parents just do normal jobs and who live in normal houses and have saved up.

I did not want her to go just to get A star grades as you can mostly do that by hiring tutors if you are that way inclined. For me it was to build her the confidence as a girl, for the pastoral care, for the small class sizes, to get her in a classroom where the vast majority of the kids want to be there, the facilities and just to give her the opportunity to do the best she can. The new head is brilliant as she researches loads about what makes girls happy at school, how girls learn and what they need to succeed at school, and she really focuses on this. In fact in the speech she gave to prospective parents the GCSE/A level grades made up about 1% of her presentation.

I am a chair of governors at a state school (which my daughter did go to) and whilst I know that teachers in state schools work damn hard and there are some great schools out there, I also know the financial pressures they are under, the challenges they face and the tough choices they have to make. And also how kids, especially girls in big comps, can kind of fall between the cracks a bit, especially the ones in the middle who are not high flyers or the ones with extra challenges who rightly get extra attention. But I know that at her school now she will at least have the opportunity to flourish in whatever she wants to do and she will be taken care of. And it's up to her really if she takes that opportunity.

 

[larmen]

Years ago I thought I would never do it because it seems ridiculously expensive. While we are still years away from having to make a decision, it looks like the fees are less than we are currently paying for child care.

 

[Deleted member 16999]

Big difference in doing what you consider best for your child and sending them as a status symbol.

 

[HowlingGale]

Years ago I thought I would never do it because it seems ridiculously expensive. While we are still years away from having to make a decision, it looks like the fees are less than we are currently paying for child care.

My mate sent his kids to one of the most prestigious schools in Scotland. He always joked that as soon as they started he was actually saving money over his nursery fees.

 

[Deleted member 18588]

I went to a Public School in the early and mid-sixties and couldn't wait leave immediately I had completed my O-levels.

As a result I was determined that our children would be educated in the far more inclusive State system.

However, I cannot definitely say that l would have stuck to those principles had we not had we not had excellent schools available to them.

Certainly doesn't seem to have done either any harm as they are now in their thirties with successful careers and, most importantly, happy lives.

 

[Mudball]

Watched the documentary on Grammar School entrance exams.. fascinating stuff. It is not funny the amount of stress the kids and parents go thru to get the kids in the right school. Commendable sacrifice by one of the moms who was getting her kid additional tutoring costing hundreds while she was not on much working in a shop. Things we do for our kids...

 

[londonlewis]

I went to Private school from the age of 7. My parents had to work seriously hard to do so and made significant sacrifices. They were not well off at all when we first started going and my dad had to sell off some of his radio kit to afford the fees (he is an amateur radio-ham).

I became very independent from a young age. Was involved in a phenomenal amount of sport throughout school and have had amazing opportunities since. My one criticism is that public schools can create an environment where they spoon feed you everything you need to know. So is there the possibility that some come out of that system less prepared for further education?

My wife went to state school. Excelled in academics and ended up with all A grades at GCSE, A-levels, a first class degree and a Masters with a distinction in her dissertation. She is far more qualified than me from an academic stand point and to a higher calibre.
I didn't do badly; 11 GCSEs (8 A grades, 3 B grades), 4 a-levels (A,B,C,C) and a degree. But my wife smashed it.

My kids will not be going to private school. The wife doesn't believe in it. And we feel we can't afford it. However, it is less than nursery costs so I am sure we could if we absolutely felt they had to go to private school to succeed in life.

Private school is definitely not full of toffs and the upper class.

 

[Hobbit]

My dad had some great jobs abroad with married status contracts and private education included. I flatly refused to go from state schools to a private school because my friends wouldn’t be there. I kicked off royally, and dad worked 5 years in the UK, actually 4 years....

My younger sister, 10 years younger, went to a very exclusive private school. Good grades, good degree. Average job, and one of the most obnoxious people I have ever known.

We’ve not spoken for 8 years, and I doubt we ever will.

 

[Papas1982]

I took the entry exam and gained a scholarship to the school which my dad was determined for me attend. I point blank refused and he still to this day comments about it from time to time.

I have no doubt I’d have a better (financially) job if I’d gone as the estate and school I went to hardly set you up for opportunities. I still managed decent grades at school and college then life got in the way before uni. I’m comfortable enough now and am still in constant contact with my best mates I’ve known since preschool.

I very much doubt I’d be as happy as I am now if I’d gone.

 

[brendy]

My three girls go/went (eldest has left and now in Grammar School) to private school. Very much like the guy in the OP, I am stretched to the limit paying for it and at times do question our sacrifices to keep them there. I can take some solace in the fact the eldest girl has been diagnosed with Asperger's and managed to get the second highest transfer test score in the school meaning she had her choice of any school in NI. Middle girl is struggling with maths a little and we as parents agree that should she have been in a class of 30+ she would likely not have had the same help. Practically everything we do is for our three girls to try to set them up for later life and give them the start we believe is best.
Neither of us smoke, we don't drink much at all, maybe once in a month or two either of us will get out to socialise and our only vices are that I play golf and she loves her shoes (not your normal Clarks etc tho, these look like display things/toys, Google Irregular Choice!) though her health does slow her down quite a bit (compared to the kickboxing fitness girl I first met) so she doesn't get out much to enjoy them these days.
One wage can be made to go a long way but it means no new cars or holidays for quite a while, we are almost out the other side and honestly can't wait to have a decent amount of disposable income again, first world problems eh?

 

[Deleted member 18121]

A majority of the people I work with went to private school, most then went to Eaton and the like before going to Oxford or Cambridge for University and I've seen first hand what moving in those circles can do for your career.

My wife has worked for a private school for a few years now and my son went to the pre-school there and is now in their prep school. I will do everything in my power to put him through private school as I believe it will give him the best future I can provide.

FYI I am not from that kind of background. My mum was a nurse, my dad a mechanic and I went to one of the worst secondary schools local to me.

 

[IanM]

My mum was a nurse, my dad a factory worker. I passed an entrance exam to get a scholarship to a posh school. (late 1970s) Boy did I get some stick for being "a scruff!" No hugely pleasant to be honest, but it started me on a decent path. I had great parents so I was never going to jail, but I now have a much better job and standard of living due to the education I got there.

For the record, my sister went to the local comp and did just as well as me!

My mum often points out that as the common denominator, our success is down to her and dad!

I guess these days is that you are less likely to have you kid in a class with really disruptive pupils

 

[Jasonr]

I went to a small private school. Each year had 24 pupils maximum and each class was this size and smaller with options. But my younger brother went to a good local state school and I truly believe that my brother received a better and wider education. I was limited to 8 GCSE subjects and all of them were academic in nature. I was not great/did not enjoy science of which 3 of the 8 GCSEs were compulsory subjects.

I went to college and because of my GCSE subjects I was sort of guided towards business studies which then limited me in work searches towards an office/city job. Whilst it has worked out OK and I am in quite a well paying job in the city with hindsight I am not suited to Office life nor do I find the work challenging or engaging enough. In fact I would go as far to say pretty dead end.

Had I had the full breadth of subjects open to me as my brother had done perhaps I could have found my vocational passion.

This is my own experience but I do feel that my private education actually opened fewer doors. Also there are Private Schools and there are PRIVATE Schools going to Eaton / Harrow for example may open many doors in certain circles.

 

[Hacker Khan]

I went to a small private school. Each year had 24 pupils maximum and each class was this size and smaller with options. But my younger brother went to a good local state school and I truly believe that my brother received a better and wider education. I was limited to 8 GCSE subjects and all of them were academic in nature. I was not great/did not enjoy science of which 3 of the 8 GCSEs were compulsory subjects.

I went to college and because of my GCSE subjects I was sort of guided towards business studies which then limited me in work searches towards an office/city job. Whilst it has worked out OK and I am in quite a well paying job in the city with hindsight I am not suited to Office life nor do I find the work challenging or engaging enough. In fact I would go as far to say pretty dead end.

Had I had the full breadth of subjects open to me as my brother had done perhaps I could have found my vocational passion.

This is my own experience but I do feel that my private education actually opened fewer doors. Also there are Private Schools and there are PRIVATE Schools going to Eaton / Harrow for example may open many doors in certain circles.

There are a lot of differences in private schools. Some are just exam factories and you get pushed to do 10 GCSEs with little choice over the subjects, which is mostly a vanity thing for the school.

The head at my daughters private school is very good as her school used to be like that, but the head has said they can now chose whatever ones they want as long as they do the basics and has reduced the number of GCSEs the kids do nowadays as she says once they have got 7, 8 tops then doing any extra is mostly pointless. In fact it can be counter productive. And she would rather they spend that time pursuing a hobby/non academic subject that they like, rather than studying for a mostly pointless extra couple of GCSEs.