On a lighter note...

[madandra]

A hot air balloonist is lost somewhere over Ireland and shouts down to a farmer below asking:

'Hey, where am I?'

The farmer shouts back

'Ya cannae fool me ya cheeky shoyt yer in the basket'

 

[Atticus_Finch]

Reminds me of a sign that was up on the wall of my old office about The Engineer and the Manager

A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man below. He descended a bit more and shouted,
"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man below replied,
"You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the man, "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."
The man below responded, "You must be in Management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."




I'm an engineer.

 

[evita4]

Ha Ha, me too

 

[StuartD]

Reminds me of a sign that was up on the wall of my old office about The Engineer and the Manager

A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a man below. He descended a bit more and shouted,
"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man below replied,
"You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.
"I am," replied the man, "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip."
The man below responded, "You must be in Management."
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."




I'm an engineer.

Ah the old favorite. Was looking through my e-mails to find it. I am also an engineer and it sums up our mangement perfectly......

Just hope management are not looking at my internet activity right now!!!

 

[minty18]

I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed , so I pushed him in front of a steam train.

He was chuffed to bits.

I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, flirty and sexy, so I suggested we meet up.
She turned out to be an undercover detective.
How cool is that at her age?!

I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me.
I mean, a ginger kid, with two friends?

When I got divorced , my wife said she would fight for custody of the kids.

Took her out with one punch.


My granddad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed .
"It's worth spending money on good speakers," he told me.


I was walking in a cemetery this morning and seen a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said "morning."
He replied , "No, just having a sh!t."


Disabled toilets. Ironically, the only toilets big enough to run around in.

I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed .
> How could anyone stoop so low?

 

[Leftie]

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers.

Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!

Doctor: I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude!

Priest: Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him.

Priest: Hi George. Say George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're
rather slow aren't they?

George: Oh yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their
sight while saving our club house last year. So we let them play here
anytime free of charge!

(silence)

Priest: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.

Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and
see if there's anything he can do for them.

Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?