ColchesterFC
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Laughter - the best medicine
- Thread starter YandaB
- Start date
ColchesterFC
Journeyman Pro
ColchesterFC
Journeyman Pro
ColchesterFC
Journeyman Pro
Fade and Die
Medal Winner
What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?
One snatches your watch…
One snatches your watch…
Leftie
Tour Winner
Breaking: An ISIS suicide bomber has blown up himself and 27 members of his immediate family while working from home due to coronavirus.
Leftie
Tour Winner
Attended the funeral of a friend who had drowned.
The family weren't happy with my floral tribute which was in the shape of a lifebelt.
"Can't see the problem" I said. "We all know that that is what he would have wanted"
The family weren't happy with my floral tribute which was in the shape of a lifebelt.
"Can't see the problem" I said. "We all know that that is what he would have wanted"
Leftie
Tour Winner
YandaB
Newbie
Doon frae Troon
Ryder Cup Winner
Bad hair dye.
Slime
Tour Winner
Slime
Tour Winner
A bit old, but still make me chuckle;
Golfer: "I think I'm going to drown myself in the lake.”
Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"
Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.”
Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth.”
Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?”
Caddy: "Yes . . . You miss the ball much closer now.”
Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?”
Caddy: "Eventually.”
Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world.”
Caddy: "I don't think so . . .That would be too much of a coincidence.”
Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction.”
Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass".
Golfer: "How do you like my game?”
Caddy: "It's very good - personally, I prefer golf".
Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?"
Caddy: "The way you play, it's a sin on any day."
Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on.”
Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago.”
Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old.”
Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir.”
Finally, an old favourite about the golfer who has been slicing off the tee at every hole.
He finally gives up and asks his long suffering caddy;
Golfer: "Can you see any obvious problems . .?”
Caddy: "There's a piece of s**t on the end of your club.”
Golfer: He picks his club up and cleans the club face.
Caddy: " . . other end."
Golfer: "I think I'm going to drown myself in the lake.”
Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"
Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.”
Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth.”
Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?”
Caddy: "Yes . . . You miss the ball much closer now.”
Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?”
Caddy: "Eventually.”
Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world.”
Caddy: "I don't think so . . .That would be too much of a coincidence.”
Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction.”
Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass".
Golfer: "How do you like my game?”
Caddy: "It's very good - personally, I prefer golf".
Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?"
Caddy: "The way you play, it's a sin on any day."
Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on.”
Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago.”
Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old.”
Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir.”
Finally, an old favourite about the golfer who has been slicing off the tee at every hole.
He finally gives up and asks his long suffering caddy;
Golfer: "Can you see any obvious problems . .?”
Caddy: "There's a piece of s**t on the end of your club.”
Golfer: He picks his club up and cleans the club face.
Caddy: " . . other end."
The crap on the end was a favorite of mine when playing cricket
Smiffy
Grand Slam Winner
Doon frae Troon
Ryder Cup Winner
My favourite happened in front of my eyes.
American tourist on tee....'What's the line here Percy'
Percy............'on yon white car'
[The one travelling at 60mph down the road]
As caddies went Percy was a legend.
I’m getting mrs d a new belt and bag for Xmas.
She’ll be so happy when the Hoover works again
She’ll be so happy when the Hoover works again
Old Skier
Tour Winner
