Dementia Awareness

RichA

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Way before my mum had dementia, a friend's mum had it. She told us the best tactic was to "jolly them along" and just be nice. It works.
As soon as you tell them they can't go and see their father because he's been dead 30 years or they were never really a Broadway singing sensation then you're entering conflict territory and in for hours of misery. You don't have to fully play out their harmless fantasy, but if you kill it as soon as it starts you just make them miserable or angry.
 

Tashyboy

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Way before my mum had dementia, a friend's mum had it. She told us the best tactic was to "jolly them along" and just be nice. It works.
As soon as you tell them they can't go and see their father because he's been dead 30 years or they were never really a Broadway singing sensation then you're entering conflict territory and in for hours of misery. You don't have to fully play out their harmless fantasy, but if you kill it as soon as it starts you just make them miserable or angry.
This all day is better than “ Ave just bloody told you”. ?
 

Robster59

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Currently staying at Dad's in Notts after he had a fall and got an infection. He hasn't got dementia but it's alarming how an infection can mess up an older persons cognitive ability. 4 days ago he drove himself to the forest for a mile walk. The following day he was out for a pub meal with a friend. Now he can't string a coherent sentence together or stand up.
Also troubling is the lack of dementia awareness among the otherwise fabulous medical staff. There are quite a lot of obvious dementia sufferers in the various wards and it's surprising how many staff are clueless how to talk to them and help them.
We had the same thing with my Father-in-Law. Every time he got an infection, it definitely affected his mental state, and even after he recovered from his infection, his mental capacity never fully recovered. I do sympathise about your hospital experience. However, he was far more down the dementia route than your Dad is.
My Father-in-Law went into the new Queen Elizabeth Hospital in Glasgow. They have individual rooms, and they put a Forget-Me-Not symbol on the door to advise the nurses that the patient has dementia, but the reality was that they were just too busy to provide dementia care. Even the food they provided for him was not suitable as they would give him packs of sandwiches which he just could not handle. We didn't blame the staff. The ward wasn't designed for dementia patients, and they were rushed off their feet.
I hope your Dad recovers fully. You may see a big improvement once his infection clears up.
 

RichA

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We had the same thing with my Father-in-Law. Every time he got an infection, it definitely affected his mental state, and even after he recovered from his infection, his mental capacity never fully recovered. I do sympathise about your hospital experience. However, he was far more down the dementia route than your Dad is.
My Father-in-Law went into the new Queen Elizabeth Hospital in Glasgow. They have individual rooms, and they put a Forget-Me-Not symbol on the door to advise the nurses that the patient has dementia, but the reality was that they were just too busy to provide dementia care. Even the food they provided for him was not suitable as they would give him packs of sandwiches which he just could not handle. We didn't blame the staff. The ward wasn't designed for dementia patients, and they were rushed off their feet.
I hope your Dad recovers fully. You may see a big improvement once his infection clears up.
Thanks man.
 

Rooter

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After 71 years of marriage, it has been taken out of our hands and my grandparents have been split up. They have quite differing needs now. It’s absolutely heart breaking. The only plus is they don’t really know what’s going on. Went to see them both this week, and the people that work in the homes need a bloody medal.

Grandad couldn’t work out how we had his photo already! ?
 

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Tashyboy

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Currently staying at Dad's in Notts after he had a fall and got an infection. He hasn't got dementia but it's alarming how an infection can mess up an older persons cognitive ability. 4 days ago he drove himself to the forest for a mile walk. The following day he was out for a pub meal with a friend. Now he can't string a coherent sentence together or stand up.
Also troubling is the lack of dementia awareness among the otherwise fabulous medical staff. There are quite a lot of obvious dementia sufferers in the various wards and it's surprising how many staff are clueless how to talk to them and help them.
Not a pleasant read Rich but one you may be able to relate to.

https://news.sky.com/story/hospital...ne-amid-nhs-and-social-care-gridlock-12768458
 

RichA

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Thankfully, Dad is fighting his infection well and after 4 moves in 4 days ended up on a rehabilitation ward, so he's actually getting a little stimulation. He doesn't have any obvious dementia - just typical 90-something dodderiness - and is quite sociable, so he seems to get some good interaction with all the staff. The story very much rings bells of when my mum went into hospital though. Very similar, in fact.
The lack of stimulation is really bad though. Every ward bed has one of those individual TV things, but it's about £30 per week for the basic channels everyone gets at home for free. Most of the old folks just sit staring into space for hours on end.
Fortunately, my siblings have rallied a bit and Dad has had one of us with him every day since he went in last Saturday. No mean feat when he's in Notts and we're spread between Herts, Essex, Gloucs and the Caribbean.
 
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Tashyboy

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Not gonna lie this last month or so has been purgatory re FIL and his dementia. Me and Missis T fully understand his situation but the MIL I could seriously throttle. She went to ASDA last week on her weekly shop. 30 minutes later FIL rang Missis T in serious distress looking for her. Missis T went round and he was in bits. An hour or so later she got home
And was surprised to see Missis T who told MIL he had called her and was upset. She said “ he was confused when I left but I thought he will be ok” 🤬She then said that she had recieved a call off social services re respite care ( what missis T had arranged) but she was to busy to take it as she was shopping. I was bloody raging. Missis T jumped in her car last Friday as he was a mile and a half away from his house walking home to a house he lived in 70 yrs ago. Bladdering it down at rush hour. 🤬 The police walked him home a couple of days ago. I am at the end of my tether with her but I have to keep my gob shut. I don’t know how many times she has been told to take him for a Walk for stimulation. She don’t. He refused to take his 9 tablets. Missis T sorted him. Yet 90% of the time he is asleep.
Social services now heavily involved due to Missis T forcing the issue and yet MIL is saying to social services that she didn’t know that or that or that. She did she, is just to thick and bothered about her and not him. Missis T who never loses her rag is raging re her mum. Fortunately we are away from today for a couple of weeks to recharge missis Ts batteries. Her sister who has been dear and takes no crap has now picked up the baton.
Rant over. Enjoy folks coz me phone is off.
 

Swango1980

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Not gonna lie this last month or so has been purgatory re FIL and his dementia. Me and Missis T fully understand his situation but the MIL I could seriously throttle. She went to ASDA last week on her weekly shop. 30 minutes later FIL rang Missis T in serious distress looking for her. Missis T went round and he was in bits. An hour or so later she got home
And was surprised to see Missis T who told MIL he had called her and was upset. She said “ he was confused when I left but I thought he will be ok” 🤬She then said that she had recieved a call off social services re respite care ( what missis T had arranged) but she was to busy to take it as she was shopping. I was bloody raging. Missis T jumped in her car last Friday as he was a mile and a half away from his house walking home to a house he lived in 70 yrs ago. Bladdering it down at rush hour. 🤬 The police walked him home a couple of days ago. I am at the end of my tether with her but I have to keep my gob shut. I don’t know how many times she has been told to take him for a Walk for stimulation. She don’t. He refused to take his 9 tablets. Missis T sorted him. Yet 90% of the time he is asleep.
Social services now heavily involved due to Missis T forcing the issue and yet MIL is saying to social services that she didn’t know that or that or that. She did she, is just to thick and bothered about her and not him. Missis T who never loses her rag is raging re her mum. Fortunately we are away from today for a couple of weeks to recharge missis Ts batteries. Her sister who has been dear and takes no crap has now picked up the baton.
Rant over. Enjoy folks coz me phone is off.
I wonder if MIL is in denial? Maybe not about FIL condition, but almost convincing herself that life can almost go on as normal? I've no idea, not experienced it. But such things might really impact the mental health of the MIL who has to constantly live with someone with dementia, which perhaps can make people act irrationally, relative how others would react looking more from the outside?

Horrible condition, and it must be horrific for loved ones around the person who is ill, especially those that have lived most of their lives under the same roof.
 
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Lord Tyrion

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@Tashyboy huge sympathy for what you are going through. We went through similar with the FiL, denial, and my wife had to do most of the slogging to get her mum into a home. Jeez it took a while, a lot of time, aggro and stress. It was a constant battle. Knowing someone is in danger due to neglect and being limited in what you can do, without going down the nuclear route, is very, very difficult to see. Your FiL needs to be a in a specialist care home, you know it, your wife knows it, your SiL knows it. Best of luck, somehow your MiL needs to be led down that path.
 
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