Cheer me up guys!

[stokie_93]

Punch n Judy

You not knowing it cheered me up more than the original 
Thanks guys keep em coming 

I genuinely don't think I've ever watched a Punch and Judy show!

Hope you get on the mend quick Phil :thup:

 

[Norrin Radd]

bloke dies and ends up in heaven ,he says to st Peter that he was hoping to meet up with an old mate that had died a couple of years earlier, Peter looks through the book and says ,oh dear he is at the other place . i can show you him if you like.
the chap readily agrees and they look into a cloud that soon clears and there he is ,carrying a large keg of his favourite beer on one shoulder ,and a gorgeous blonde on his other arm .
well he looks happy the chap says to Peter,
Peter says if you look closer you will see that the keg has a hole in it ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,the woman dosent.

 

[BubbaP]

 

[backwoodsman]

My bison/buffalo favourite has already gone so...

Why did the baker have smelly hands. Because he needed a poo !

Took my kids to the zoo. It only had one dog in it. They didn't like it - they said it was a Shih Tzu

 

[fundy]

The only PC advice I can give you is don't discriminate between race, creed or colour... oh, and don't be ageist or heightist.

are you sure this was meant for me and not too late for someone else

 

[fundy]

Brain still working ( apparently)
Feel free to pm me mate 👍

message on its way, many thanks (theres also a short thread in oob)

 

[Blue in Munich]

I remember this from last year, I had to post it on FB, one of the posts of the year.

Phil, whats the difference between a buffalo, and a bison.












You cant wash your hair (or baldy pate) in a Bison. Gerrrcccchhhaaaaa

Oh yes you can, but you can't wash them in a Buffalo……..

 

[Khamelion]

Two women were playing golf one sunny morning.
The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly towards a foursome of men playing the next hole.
Indeed the ball hit one of the men and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch and fell to the ground where he proceeded to roll around in evident agony.
The woman rushed over to the man and began to apologize.
“Please allow me to help. I’m a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you’d allow me.”
“Ummph, oooh, nooo, I’ll be alright…I’ll be fine in a few minutes,” he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at the crotch.
But she persisted and he finally allowed her to help him.
She gently took his hands away and she began to massage him 'there'.
She then asked him, “How does that feel now?”
The man replied, “That feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell.”

 

[Khamelion]

A guy traveling through the prairies of the USA stopped at a small town and went to a bar.
He stood at the end of the bar, ordered a drink, and lit up a cigar.
As he sipped his drink, he stood there quietly blowing smoke rings.
After he blew nine or ten smoke rings into the air, an angry American Indian stomped up to him and said, "One more remark like that and I'll smash your face in!"

 

[Khamelion]

Whenever you feel sad, just remember that somewhere in the world there's an idiot pulling a door that says "Push."

 

[Khamelion]

Have you been injured at work?
Had a car accident?
Fell over on a wet floor?
Tripped on an pavement?
If so..
Sort yourself out, you clumsy sod

 

[srixon 1]

Imurg and Fragger skive off work and go to the golf course. They agree to "play it as it lies" on all shots. Both hit their tee shots on the par-5 No.1 hole down the middle and about 260 yards. They jump in the buggy and drive off for the second shot. Imurg hits his shot down the middle for an easy approach. But Fragger slices his over the trees and it ends up on the cart path of the adjoining hole.
"Guess I get a free drop from the cart path," says Fragger. "Oh no," says Imurg , "We agreed. Play it as it lies." So Fragger drives Imurg up to his ball in front of the green, drops him off and drives over to his ball on the cart path. Imurg watches in amusement as sparks shower down from the practice swings of his opponent, then, in amazement as a perfectly struck shot lands on the green and rolls to within 3 ft. of the pin. Fragger drives back to the green.
Imurg says, "Great shot back there! What club did you use?" Fragger responds, "Your six iron."

 

[ColchesterFC]

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol
station in a remote part of the Irish countryside.
The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in
a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.
"Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant.
Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle.
As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.
"What are those?, asks the attendant.
"They're called tees" replies Tiger.
"Well, what on the god's earth are dey for?" inquires the Irishman.
"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger.
"Jaysus", says the Irishman, "Those guys at BMW think of everything don't they!"

 

[jpxpro]

ive got a pet wussy


you that read wrong

you read that wrong too

 

[ColchesterFC]

This guy was walking down the sidewalk when he sees a Little Johnny
wearing a red firefighter's hat and sitting in a red wagon which is
being pulled slowly by a large Labador Retriever. When he got a little
closer, he saw that the kid was holding a rope which is tied to the
dog's testicles, which may explain why the dog is walking so slowly.
Going up to the kid, he said,"That's a nice fire engine you got there,
but I bet it would go faster if you have the rope around the dog's
neck."
"Yeah," the kid replied."But I wouldn't have a siren."

 

[Norrin Radd]

two eggs boiling in a saucepan, one says ooh ive got a crack ,the other why tell me im not hard yet.


a chicken and an egg are laying in bed together ,the chicken is smoking a fag ,the egg has a very annoyed face and says
i guess that answers that question then.

 

[Imurg]

Imurg and Fragger skive off work and go to the golf course. They agree to "play it as it lies" on all shots. Both hit their tee shots on the par-5 No.1 hole down the middle and about 260 yards. They jump in the buggy and drive off for the second shot. Imurg hits his shot down the middle for an easy approach. But Fragger slices his over the trees and it ends up on the cart path of the adjoining hole.
"Guess I get a free drop from the cart path," says Fragger. "Oh no," says Imurg , "We agreed. Play it as it lies." So Fragger drives Imurg up to his ball in front of the green, drops him off and drives over to his ball on the cart path. Imurg watches in amusement as sparks shower down from the practice swings of his opponent, then, in amazement as a perfectly struck shot lands on the green and rolls to within 3 ft. of the pin. Fragger drives back to the green.
Imurg says, "Great shot back there! What club did you use?" Fragger responds, "Your six iron."

😂😂
Just one problem.....it would Fragger's 4th shot - the rest I can believe... #FraggerLuck

 

[Lord Tyrion]

Is it just me that doesn't get it?

We forget Skokie is just a youngster 😂😂

 

[Norrin Radd]

two nuns in the bath ,one says wheres the soap ,the other says ,it does dosent it.

 

[williamalex1]

two nuns in the bath ,one says wheres the soap ,the other says ,it does dosent it.

Wears