Becoming a parent / impact on your golf

[SwingsitlikeHogan]

I kept playing, though less frequently, maybe only once a week, when our first came along. We moved 100miles soon after our second arrived and at that point we decided we could afford neither the time nor the money for me to join a club, especially as my Mrs had to work as we needed her income - and as a nurse she had to often work evenings and weekends. And so other than maybe three or four corporate, or ad hoc casual knocks with guys at work, a year - that was it for about 8 yrs.

When our eldest was 11 my Mrs said she thought it would be nice for him to play golf, so if I could find a club for him then maybe I could join too. I did, and we did, and I’m still there 19 yrs later.

 

[Billysboots]

I was very lucky. As I worked shifts when both of ours were born I spent plenty of time with both kids during the week and in the evenings. Because I more than did my bit my wife was only too happy for me to continue playing golf. Her attitude was that a happy hubby equates to a happy home!

 

[Bdill93]

Really good and interesting points on this thread. Thanks guys.

Our first is due July and was thinking of canceling my membership but thankfully the good lady has agreed that would be jumping the gun. Yes, I'm a very lucky man

Its always important to have "me time" I find golf one of the best ways to spend mine!

 

[HeftyHacker]

Its always important to have "me time" I find golf one of the best ways to spend mine!

This. Another factor for me is that we moved away from a lot of my friends to be nearer our family support network which has been a godsend.

Golf for me now is the equivalent of nipping to the pub for a couple of hours with my mates. Something I used to do quite often before kids and living in Manchester City centre with about a dozen of my mates within a 5 minute walk!

I'm a bit of a social animal so the combination of homeworking and not having mates around the corner has taken its toll on me mentally, but a round of golf with lads I've met at the club keeps me on an even keel.

 

[SwingsitlikeHogan]

Its always important to have "me time" I find golf one of the best ways to spend mine!

Before we got married the church asked us to attend some ‘marriage’ classes…in effect two or three relaxed and quite fun chats of an hour or so with a couple who were members of the church we were to be married in. The best bit of advice they gave us, and that we stuck to for years, was that once we had children we must absolutely try and arrange things so that we could have a night or two by ourselves - without the children.

And so for years we arranged children ‘swaps’ with our closest couple friends, they had children ages with ours and they all knew each other well, and indeed 30yrs later they are still good friends. We sorted that they’d look after our two for one or two weekends away, and we’d look after their two in return to give them time together. That said I don’t recall me ever getting to play golf during any of these ‘away’ weekend ‘breaks’ ?

 

[sunshine]

Before we got married the church asked us to attend some ‘marriage’ classes…in effect two or three relaxed and quite fun chats of an hour or so with a couple who were members of the church we were to be married in. The best bit of advice they gave us, and that we stuck to for years, was that once we had children we must absolutely try and arrange things so that we could have a night or two by ourselves - without the children.

And so for years we arranged children ‘swaps’ with our closest couple friends, they had children ages with ours and they all knew each other well, and indeed 30yrs later they are still good friends. We sorted that they’d look after our two for one or two weekends away, and we’d look after their two in return to give them time together. That said I don’t recall me ever getting to play golf during any of these ‘away’ weekend ‘breaks’ ?

I thought this was going to turn into a story about swinging. What is the best type of fourball?

 

[sunshine]

Loads of interesting posts here.

The bottom line is you have to be flexible and accept less golf for several years.

A lot of guys opt to play early morning so they can be home by lunchtime, but I think it's important to be flexible on this. If your mrs has been up all night, then looking after the baby in the morning to allow her a lie in will get you some brownie points. Personally I found myself playing in the afternoons as a fair compromise, and also playing a lot less. The last thing she wants to see is you disappearing out the door at 7am when she's tired and grumpy

 

[Bdill93]

Loads of interesting posts here.

The bottom line is you have to be flexible and accept less golf for several years.

A lot of guys opt to play early morning so they can be home by lunchtime, but I think it's important to be flexible on this. If your mrs has been up all night, then looking after the baby in the morning to allow her a lie in will get you some brownie points. Personally I found myself playing in the afternoons as a fair compromise, and also playing a lot less. The last thing she wants to see is you disappearing out the door at 7am when she's tired and grumpy

Oh facts, I've had to bail on a few morning rounds due to a very tired wife whos done her bit through the night! Compromise is key!

 

[Orikoru]

Loads of interesting posts here.

The bottom line is you have to be flexible and accept less golf for several years.

A lot of guys opt to play early morning so they can be home by lunchtime, but I think it's important to be flexible on this. If your mrs has been up all night, then looking after the baby in the morning to allow her a lie in will get you some brownie points. Personally I found myself playing in the afternoons as a fair compromise, and also playing a lot less. The last thing she wants to see is you disappearing out the door at 7am when she's tired and grumpy

Equally though, you can't be up all night with the baby if you've got an 8am tee time. She has to be reasonable.

 

[Bdill93]

Equally though, you can't be up all night with the baby if you've got an 8am tee time. She has to be reasonable.

I've done this..... one of my worst rounds of 2022

 

[BiMGuy]

Equally though, you can't be up all night with the baby if you've got an 8am tee time. She has to be reasonable.

Good luck with that. Let us know how you get on ?

 

[r0wly86]

since the second one was born in May I have played 3 times in the rest of the year, including sneaking a round in on 29th December, so could have been 2 times.

For me it comes down to the fact that my wife is full time looking after 1 child, to then tell her she has to look after the second one for 5 hours by herself would be a bit much.

Notably 2 of the 3 times have been when we have had friends visiting or we have been visiting friends so she had some help in looking after the children so it is easier.

Once child 2 is a bit older and less dependent on her, it may be easier to sneak away. I have high hopes for 2023 especially as child 1 is getting to the age of play dates and birthday parties

 

[IanM]

No kids myself, but as a successful Consultant I made a career out of telling folk about stuff I've no practical experience of!!

Well, the bit I do know is that parenting and all things "domestic" are a team effort! If either party is "taking the micky" then it's no good!

 

[CliveW]

Back in the day when mine were babies, we used terry towel nappies, not these modern disposable ones. I "accidentally" stuck the nappy pin into my first born's belly causing him to yelp. My wife said I was useless and to get out of the way and let her do it. I never had to change another nappy!

(Only kidding!)

 

[PJ87]

I still play on average once a week even with the 3 kids under 6

However what helps is shift work..I'll do 9 holes before a late or after an early in summer

Also days off in midweek ..

I don't play weekends so that works with everyone as wife's off weekends so it's family time

 

[sunshine]

Good luck with that. Let us know how you get on ?

If it's a casual round she may not take it well. But if you tell her it's the monthly medal I'm sure she would understand

Also, when you get back home, be sure to give her a detailed run through of your round.

 

[SwingsitlikeHogan]

I thought this was going to turn into a story about swinging. What is the best type of fourball?

Mixed Foursomes?

Though seriously, it was really important through the early years of having children that, for our relationship, we had ‘us time’, more than me looking for ‘me time’. I guess this my be even more important where a couple may not have been together that long before children arriving.

 

[chico]

My two are 12 and 10 and it's not getting any easier. They have one club or another every night of the week. I was able to get out in evening quite often when they were little. Weekend it's usually football or family time.
I keep telling the kids they're getting their own place when they're 16.

 

[Ruggy]

I got into golf having had my first, learning to play with some of the dads from the NCT Group. We would then play twilight golf over the summer weekly and then about once a month on the weekend we would go out together and then mums and kids would meet up and have a playdate so not like we are abandoning them at the weekend. Two of us play hockey so limited golf over winter.

I have always played sport (rugby, cricket, hockey, golf) and have been with my wife for a long time so she knows that is what makes me happy and I need to burn off some steam. I just make sure I am present for family time when I am not out and I have compromised on going to the pub or nights out and cut back on drinking so no hangovers.

#2 is due in February so will see what happens then!!! But hope to keep going with some sport, just being flexible!

 

[Mel Smooth]

My two are 12 and 10 and it's not getting any easier. They have one club or another every night of the week. I was able to get out in evening quite often when they were little. Weekend it's usually football or family time.
I keep telling the kids they're getting their own place when they're 16.

If they’ve got clubs every night if the week and football at weekend, they need to rein it in.

Through the winter I’ve agreed to let my 12 year old play footy on a Sunday (which he loves) but Saturday is for golf - he plays with me either having a knock or in the comps.

Get your kids some golf clubs and tell them “this is how it’s going to work from now on” ;-)