What would you do????

[Smiffy]

Stepson, not for the first time, has stolen bits and pieces from the house and sold them.
Found out that he has recently stolen my wife's iPod (which I bought her for her birthday) and a Wii console (which wasn't his) and some games and sold them to a second hand shop down the road.
He is 17, 18 in July.
I am livid. He has stolen money from us before (broke into my wife's savings pot and took the best part of £200.00)
He ran off yesterday and has now gone to his Grandparents house for a few days until the dust settles.
He initially ran off because I said I was going to involve the Police this time.
Part of me (the biggest part) wants to do the little so & so for theft. As I say, it's not the first time he has done this. We have tried to sit down and chat with him about it, tried to instill values into him, but it does no good. Tried to get the Police to "scare the wits" out of him the last time, but they didn't bother.
My wife is heartbroken but doesn't want to involve the police as it will scupper any chance of him getting a job.
At my wits end with him.
Would YOU involve the police??? Bear in mind, it's not the 1st time he has done this, and he is going to be 18 in July.

 

[DCB]

He obviously knows what he's doing or he wouldn't have run off. Tough one to answer Smiffy, but I'd say the tough love option of getting the police involved may be best in the long run.

Know of someone who was able to continue in this style of petty theft many years ago, he ended up in a right mess by the time he was twenty.

 

[Deleted member 15344]

I agree with DCB - I would bring the police into it.

 

[AmandaJR]

He needs something to happen now to stop this behaviour so a scare from the police getting involved could work. Is it possible to speak to them and perhaps get a PCSO round to interview him albeit on an unofficial/off the record basis (not that he has to know that)?

I would hope that's the sort of service our police force should offer but they may just ignore your pleas for help. Worth a try?

Plus surely he has to pay back EVERYTHING??

 

[Smiffy]

The last time we had trouble with him I rang the Police. They came round and initially interviewed him. I didn't press any charges but did have a quiet word with them to see if they could take it further by calling him down to the police station for a further "interview" and to scare the crap out of him. The officer I spoke to said he would look into it. Despite me making a couple of further telephone calls to them, they didn't do it.

 

[Hobbit]

One of my staff went through this. The story, still ongoing in some respects, didn't improve. What started off as petty theft, turned to violence when the lad beat up his mum for not giving him money. The lad was thrown out but returned before they changed the locks, when he then trashed the place.

Police were involved, and the official process was followed. Eventually, the lad was allowed back home but after a short while the process was repeated. By this time the root cause had been exposed - drugs. And what had started as soft drugs was by this time heroin. Very much the abridged version, as it went on for years.

If you ask the staff member now he'll tell you he wishes he'd started the 'tough love' process a lot earlier. He wishes he'd got Social Services involved whilst the lad was still a minor, and that he'd involved the police a lot sooner. Bizarrely, he says "stuff the embarrassment. We should have got help for us and the lad whilst we stood a chance of achieving something."

Its a tough one for you Smiffy. Only you and your better half know exactly where you are with this and what you need to do. Good luck.

 

[Doon frae Troon]

Why is he stealing off your family?
You need to sort that question out first.

Are there other children involved in the family, if so what are their views.

 

[sev112]

Sent you a pm

 

[freddielong]

Do you know why he is stealing? could he be doing drugs

I would say that if you threatened him with the police last time you have to push through with that or he will know you don't mean what you say and you are a soft touch. It really is a very tough situation and I hope that you are able to resolve it and get through as a family.

 

[Smiffy]

Why is he stealing off your family?
You need to sort that question out first.

Are there other children involved in the family, if so what are their views.

As far as I know he is only stealing from us, but he has a fair bit of spare time on his hands what with College courses being a bit "all over the place" so he could (could) be stealing from elsewhere as well.
He is a habitual liar, and they trip easily off of his tongue....although after living with him since he was four I have a very good idea when he is lying or not.
He has a smoking habit (I smoke which doesn't help) but to be fair, he is mixing with a fair few lads/girls who also smoke so it was always likely he was going to start the habit anyway.
He is apparently stealing to feed his smoking habit, as when I asked him what he spent the money on his admitted tobacco.
I have broached the subject of drugs with him, and he has assured me that he hasn't dabbled with any....but again, I know the kids he mixes with, and where they come from. So whether this is true or not I don't know.
He has a twin brother who is totally the opposite. As opposed to smoking as you could possibly be, and just has his head down studying for his university place.

 

[Smiffy]

Sent you a pm

Have received it Sev and it's appreciated mate. Will follow it up later as I am working today.
Rob
Cheers mate

 

[Crazyface]

I'd go with involving professionals at the earliest opportunity. This will be no guarrentee of success but at least you'll have the comfort of knowing you gave him the best chance to sort himself out. The behaviour could caused by something just messing up his head and a non family member could be able to find out what this is. Good Luck.

 

[Midnight]

Sent you a PM mate

 

[Smiffy]

Just like to say a big "Thank you" to all the replies and PM's I have received (got yours Midnight mate...thanks. And the others ) At work at the moment but will go home later and have a chat with the wife again, but as I say she is really upset about it.
The stupid thing is, at all other times Mathew (Stepson) is brilliant. First to offer a cup of tea when we come in from work, if he see's us walking down the front path with shopping in our hands he will rush to the door to open it. If I need anything doing and ask him he never refuses. It's just his continual lies and stealing that ruins everything. It's like two steps forward, one step back all the time. He has been like this since he was 11 or 12 but it has gradually been getting worse and worse. I've never laid a finger on him, always felt the word is mightier than the sword. But feck me....I've run out of ideas.

 

[Deleted member 15344]

Just like to say a big "Thank you" to all the replies and PM's I have received (got yours Midnight mate...thanks. And the others ) At work at the moment but will go home later and have a chat with the wife again, but as I say she is really upset about it.
The stupid thing is, at all other times Mathew (Stepson) is brilliant. First to offer a cup of tea when we come in from work, if he see's us walking down the front path with shopping in our hands he will rush to the door to open it. If I need anything doing and ask him he never refuses. It's just his continual lies and stealing that ruins everything. It's like two steps forward, one step back all the time. He has been like this since he was 11 or 12 but it has gradually been getting worse and worse. I've never laid a finger on him, always felt the word is mightier than the sword. But feck me....I've run out of ideas.

In the group he hangs around with is he a "follower" or more of a leader ?

Is there a girl he is trying to impress maybe ?

It does seem that he is a good lad at heart - maybe it's an outside influence ?

 

[Smiffy]

In the group he hangs around with is he a "follower" or more of a leader ?

Is there a girl he is trying to impress maybe ?

It does seem that he is a good lad at heart - maybe it's an outside influence ?

A "follower"

We know that there is a girl in the background, although he denies that there is anything to it other than they are "friends". I have my doubts here.

I am absolutely certain he is trying to "buy" their friendship as he suffers very much from low self esteem.

 

[Deleted member 15344]

A "follower"

We know that there is a girl in the background, although he denies that there is anything to it other than they are "friends". I have my doubts here.

I am absolutely certain he is trying to "buy" their friendship as he suffers very much from low self esteem.

Yeah it certainly seems that way - need to find a way to break that chain to those people and then tackle the self esteem

It's very tough situation to deal with and I'm unsure now about involving the police ? Maybe there is something his brother could do ?

 

[Smiffy]

As I mentioned earlier, he is now at his Grandparents. His Uncle is in the Army, and has contacted the wife this afternoon.
He hasn't told Matthew yet but he is planning on taking him to see an Army friend of his on Wednesday. Apparently he is ex Police and built like a brick outhouse and the plan is to really lay it on thick and scare the living daylights out of him.
Mathew respects his Uncle. At one time he wanted to go into the Army based on what he had told him. Unfortunately his friends put paid to that by telling him he was an idiot for even contemplating it.

 

[Deleted member 15344]

As I mentioned earlier, he is now at his Grandparents. His Uncle is in the Army, and has contacted the wife this afternoon.
He hasn't told Matthew yet but he is planning on taking him to see an Army friend of his on Wednesday. Apparently he is ex Police and built like a brick outhouse and the plan is to really lay it on thick and scare the living daylights out of him.
Mathew respects his Uncle. At one time he wanted to go into the Army based on what he had told him. Unfortunately his friends put paid to that by telling him he was an idiot for even contemplating it.

That seems like a very good plan

Shame his friends put him of the Army because young lads can really build a great career for themselves - certainly worth looking at again. Hopefully that can help mate

 

[PhilTheFragger]

Army might be the making of him, but not with a criminal record

Its time to grow up and take responsibility for his life

not easy Rob and wish you all the best