What would you do????

[c1973]

As I mentioned earlier, he is now at his Grandparents. His Uncle is in the Army, and has contacted the wife this afternoon.
He hasn't told Matthew yet but he is planning on taking him to see an Army friend of his on Wednesday. Apparently he is ex Police and built like a brick outhouse and the plan is to really lay it on thick and scare the living daylights out of him.
Mathew respects his Uncle. At one time he wanted to go into the Army based on what he had told him. Unfortunately his friends put paid to that by telling him he was an idiot for even contemplating it.

If the lad respects his uncle then maybe painting a great picture of army life rather than scaring the bejesus out off him might be the way to go. Show the boy what he could possibly achieve in direct comparison to what these 'friends' are achieving. I've kinda made an assumption based on the possibility they are the root cause here that they are low life's.......bit of an assumption I know, but if true worth considering.

Either way I hope you can get it sorted out, stealing from family ain't the way to go and I hope he can turn things around.

 

[Smiffy]

I was all for him going into the army. I was in there and it didn't do me any harm. Looking back, I wish I'd stayed in there longer. Great food, some great mates and earning money to boot.

 

[Deleted member 15344]

I was all for him going into the army. I was in there and it didn't do me any harm. Looking back, I wish I'd stayed in there longer. Great food, some great mates and earning money to boot.

And so much more as well mate - seeing the world , sense of,achievement , life skills and qualifications that unit can't teach people.

 

[Foxholer]

You have my sympathy Smiffy.

I can't help though, as when an equivalent thing happened to me, I was completely flummoxed! He's come through it in the end - again, an Uncle who he respects helped - and is doing pretty well apparently.

You'd be surprised how often this sort of thing actually happens though - it's much more 'the Rule' than a nice peaceful journey to adulthood! And it's the classic age.

Only suggestion is to make sure he doesn't neglect his college work. Tough graft for someone with a short concentration span and lots of distractions, but worth it in the end.

He could well make a great Sales guy though. The ability to tell folk what they want to hear is a huge plus for that area!

Good Luck!

 

[3offTheTee]

My sympathy for your problem. Does he accept you as a 'dad' as you have been there for 13 years? How is your relationship with him and how much respect does he have for you? Where is his original father and would anything be gained by him becoming involved?

What contact is there with the original father? Why do you feel he has reacted like this?

It is all well and good us all trying to offer solutions but you are sour wife know what makes him tick or otherwise

Thinks 'kids' at that age are pretty smart and involving the police would be a last resort especially if they saw the problem through as it would affect him in later life.

Really hope it sorts itself out.

 

[sandmagnet]

Rob it sounds your trying your very best and hope you sort this out! My advice is find the real problem out 1st, stealing is not the main problem, it's the why which is ie drugs,fruit machines, girl,bully's and so on.police is the last resort as you can't go back from that! And may stick a wedge between you and wife. Trouble is nowadays there is nothing much going for kids and the fall by wayside and really hope you can turn him around. Good luck and really hope you get to the bottom of it.

 

[Smiffy]

My sympathy for your problem. Does he accept you as a 'dad' as you have been there for 13 years? How is your relationship with him and how much respect does he have for you? Where is his original father and would anything be gained by him becoming involved?

What contact is there with the original father? Why do you feel he has reacted like this?

It is all well and good us all trying to offer solutions but you are sour wife know what makes him tick or otherwise

Thinks 'kids' at that age are pretty smart and involving the police would be a last resort especially if they saw the problem through as it would affect him in later life.

Really hope it sorts itself out.

He accepts me as his Dad, he always has. I "took him on" when he and his brother (obviously) were four years of age. We get on "ok" (as much as parents and teenage kids can get on I suppose). He has been fishing with me on numerous occasions, and we chat about different things. His biological father died just after I met his Mum. He suffered from cystic fibrosis and spent the last few years mainly in hospital. Unfortunately, he is a "chip off the old block". His Father was a habitual liar, and was also into thievery. The apple didn't fall very far from the tree in this instance.

 

[G1BB0]

bad news Rob, I am going through similar with my 16 y/o daughter, tough love about to be invoked. I should have done it when she 1st started going off the rails as its now biting me in the arris big style.

Hopefully he can be turned round and will thank you later in life.

 

[HomerJSimpson]

Even though we've not always seen eye to eye, I'm genuinely sad to read this Smiffy and hope you and your good lady can find a way to sort this. Not having kids I can't give you any practical advice but hope you all manage to find a way to resolve this and he can change his ways before it's too late and before too much damage to the family unit is done. I hope it gets sorted quickly

 

[Oddsocks]

Rob, does he work or have any form of income? Maybe if he was earning his on money albeit on a part time basis at least the "need to thieve" may be reduced to temptation only....

Either way good luck mate.

 

[jon25new]

Firstly sorry to hear the troubles your going through! The stuff he is stealing seem worth more then the money you would need to smoke with. Could he be under pressure from the people he is hanging around with? Also do you know anyone in the police who could take him to one side? I do think it will be hard in the long term if you involve the police

 

[SocketRocket]

I can only suggest you both sit down with him, explain how what he is doing is upsetting you, tell him that you both love him very much and will always be there for him when he really needs someone.

If that doesn't work then try a swift kick in the gonads!

 

[Andy808]

Army might be the making of him, but not with a criminal record

Its time to grow up and take responsibility for his life

not easy Rob and wish you all the best

Why would it make a difference?
I know several people who have had very successful careers in the forces even with a record for petty crimes in their pasts.

 

[ToddM1985]

Get the police involved, if he carries on it could be someone's car etc down the line and not just a slap on the wrists. Tough situation though when its your own family but sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

 

[MadAdey]

This is not an uncommon situation and it pops up on programs like Jeremy Kyle all the time. Problem is by the time it gets to that point it has normally moved on from just stealing a few bits and bobs from the house. If you have tried talking to him and he is still not listening then it gets to the point where you have to act on your threats.

Rob, this may sound harsh, but it gets to the point where he is just laughing at you because he keeps doing it and you do not do anything but make threats. You have to do something to nip this in the bud now because you do not know where it is going to go next. Is he going to start robbing other peoples houses, stealing cars, mugging people etc etc. May sound extreme, but I bet you never thought he would be doing what he is now.

if you really our running out of options and he is still doing it the I think you know what has to be done next. Good luck Rob, hopefully you can sort this out.

 

[gripitripit]

I don't know if this is gonna prove popular but I would give me a clump or 2 to show him the error of his ways....to quote Tony Soprano
"There's an old Italian saying: "You mess up once, you lose two teeth."

If my son ever behaves like that when he is older he will learn the hard way.

 

[MadAdey]

I don't know if this is gonna prove popular but I would give me a clump or 2 to show him the error of his ways....to quote Tony Soprano
"There's an old Italian saying: "You mess up once, you lose two teeth."

If my son ever behaves like that when he is older he will learn the hard way.

Easy to say, harder to do. What if say for instance your 17 year old son is twice as big and sticks one back on you. Violence is never the answer IMO. If he is doing this chances are there is a reason behind it, a little bit more than because he wants to. So is giving him a thrashing going to help the situation, as now he will never talk to you again, let alone sort out why he is doing this. Maybe he then moves out, ends up staying round some morons house and gets more involved with committing crimes.

To me using violence is not an answer, the only answer violence is.....the wrong one!

 

[ADB]

I don't know if this is gonna prove popular but I would give me a clump or 2 to show him the error of his ways....to quote Tony Soprano
"There's an old Italian saying: "You mess up once, you lose two teeth."

If my son ever behaves like that when he is older he will learn the hard way.

Beat some sense into him, that will get to the route of the problem......not.

Can't believe that attitude personally, but each to their own and I certainly don't judge how people bring their children up. Sure last thing Smiffy & family needs is the son to report him on assault charges.

A very difficult situation that needs a firm hand in some decisions, whilst still providing the son with family support.

Best wishes Rob, hope things improve.

 

[Deleted member 15344]

I don't know if this is gonna prove popular but I would give me a clump or 2 to show him the error of his ways....to quote Tony Soprano
"There's an old Italian saying: "You mess up once, you lose two teeth."

If my son ever behaves like that when he is older he will learn the hard way.

Would suggest doing the opposite of that would be a better ploy

Any use of violence will have the opposite effect of what you want to achieve

Yes we grew up in a time when a clip round the ear ensured we didn't do it again - it's not that time anymore

 

[gripitripit]

it's not that time anymore

And that is why the youth today have no respect for anyone or anything.