Laughter - the best medicine

[CliveW]

 

[venger]

 

[ColchesterFC]

Two wind turbines standing in a field. One says to the other, "What sort of music are you in to"?






The other one replies, "I'm a big, heavy metal fan".

 

[rulefan]

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife.

After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact, 'Connie ...Connie':

'Is that you, Joe?'

'Yes, I've come back like we agreed.'

'That's wonderful! What's it like?'

'Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens) another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again.'

'Oh, Joe you surely must be in Heaven!'

'Not exactly ... I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona."

 

[Dando]

 

[Imurg]

 

[HeftyHacker]

The room was full of pregnant women with their partners. The
class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women
how to breathe properly, and was telling the men how to give
the necessary assurance and support to their partners at this
stage of the pregnancy.

She said "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you.
Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic
muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just take
several steps and stay on a soft surface like grass or a path."

She looked at the men in the room, "… and Gentlemen, remember,
you're in this together -- It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her."

The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this
information.

Then a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.

"Yes", said the Instructor.

"I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a
golf bag while we walk?"

Just seen this and it's exactly what I did with the missus when the midwife suggested a long walk 2 days before due date (I did carry the bag to be fair).

 

[spongebob59]

 

[Dando]

Just having a chat with a Chinese man at the bus stop, he asked me what I do for a living ? I said I’m a comedian, he said “go on then, change colour “

 

[Dando]

 

[Dando]

 

[Slime]

 

[Slime]

 

[Slime]

 

[Slime]

 

[Slime]

 

[Slime]

 

[Slime]

A woman who lived next door to a preacher was puzzled by his personality change in the pulpit. At home he was shy, quiet and retiring but in the church he was a real fire and brimstone orator, rousing the masses in the name of God. It was as if he was two different people.

One day she asked him about the dramatic transformation that came over him when he preached.



"Ah," he said, "that’s my altar ego."

 

[venger]

 

[rulefan]

It was a sunny morning, a little before 8.00am, on the first hole of a
busy course, and I was beginning my pre-shot routine, visualizing my
upcoming shot when a piercing voice came over the club house loud
speaker,
"Would the gentleman on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee
please!"
I could feel every eye on the course looking at me. I was still deep in
my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption.
Again the announcement, "Would the man on the woman's tee kindly back
up to the men's tee."
I simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating,
When once more, the Man yelled, "Would the man on the woman's tee back
up to the men's tee, please?!?!"
I finally stopped, turned, cupped my hands and shouted back... "Would
the moron with the microphone please keep quiet and let me play my
second shot!"