Norrin Radd
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I saw two blind men fighting, you should have seen the look on there faces when I shouted ,I'm backing the one with the knife
Laughter - the best medicine
- Thread starter YandaB
- Start date
Slime
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Slime
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Slime
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What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
Condensed milk.
Got to keep that bush trimmed
Slime
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It was obviously not in Rio de Janeiro!
jim8flog
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CliveW
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Live scene of HS2 North of Watford...
Slime
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New Welsh flag?
rulefan
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A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack! "Help me dear," she groans to her husband.
The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for minute, picks up his putter and lines up his putt. His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him.
"I'm dying here and you're putting?"
"Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly, "they found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you.
"Well, how long will it take for him to get here?" she asks feebly.
"No time at all," says her husband. "Everybody's already agreed to let him play through."
The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for minute, picks up his putter and lines up his putt. His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him.
"I'm dying here and you're putting?"
"Don't worry dear," says the husband calmly, "they found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you.
"Well, how long will it take for him to get here?" she asks feebly.
"No time at all," says her husband. "Everybody's already agreed to let him play through."
Slime
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Slime
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Slime
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rulefan
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A nun walked into Mother Superior’s office and plunked down into a chair.
She let out a sigh, heavy with frustration."What troubles you, Sister?"
asked the Mother Superior.
"I thought this was the day you spent with your family."
"It was," sighed the Sister. "And I went to play golf with my brother. You
know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ."
"I seem to recall that," the Mother Superior agreed. "So your day of
recreation was not relaxing?"
"Far from it," snorted the Sister. "In fact, I even took the Lord’s name in
vain today!"
"Goodness, Sister!" gasped the Mother Superior. "You must tell me all about
it!"
"Well, we were on the fifth tee...and this hole is a monster, Mother.
A 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green...and I hit
the drive of my life.
The sweetest swing I ever made....it was flying straight and true, right
along the line I wanted...and it hit a bird in mid-flight, not 100 yards
off the tee!"
"Oh my!" commiserated the Mother. "How unfortunate! But surely that didn’t
make you blaspheme, Sister!"
"No, that wasn’t it," admitted Sister. "While I was still trying to fathom
what had happened, this squirrel ran out of the woods, grabbed my ball and
ran off down the fairway!"
"Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!" sympathized the Mother Superior.
"But I didn’t, Mother Superior!" sobbed the Sister. "I was so proud of
myself!
While I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swooped
down, grabbed the squirrel and flew off, with my ball still clutched in the
squirrel’s paws!"
"So that’s when you cursed," said the Mother with a knowing smile.
"Nope, that wasn’t it either," cried the Sister, anguished, "....as the
hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the
hawk dropped him right on the green.
The ball popped out of the squirrel’s paws and rolled to about 18 inches
from the cup! "
Mother Superior sat abruptly back in her chair, folded her arms across her
chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said...
"You missed the
ing putt, didn’t you?"
She let out a sigh, heavy with frustration."What troubles you, Sister?"
asked the Mother Superior.
"I thought this was the day you spent with your family."
"It was," sighed the Sister. "And I went to play golf with my brother. You
know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ."
"I seem to recall that," the Mother Superior agreed. "So your day of
recreation was not relaxing?"
"Far from it," snorted the Sister. "In fact, I even took the Lord’s name in
vain today!"
"Goodness, Sister!" gasped the Mother Superior. "You must tell me all about
it!"
"Well, we were on the fifth tee...and this hole is a monster, Mother.
A 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green...and I hit
the drive of my life.
The sweetest swing I ever made....it was flying straight and true, right
along the line I wanted...and it hit a bird in mid-flight, not 100 yards
off the tee!"
"Oh my!" commiserated the Mother. "How unfortunate! But surely that didn’t
make you blaspheme, Sister!"
"No, that wasn’t it," admitted Sister. "While I was still trying to fathom
what had happened, this squirrel ran out of the woods, grabbed my ball and
ran off down the fairway!"
"Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!" sympathized the Mother Superior.
"But I didn’t, Mother Superior!" sobbed the Sister. "I was so proud of
myself!
While I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swooped
down, grabbed the squirrel and flew off, with my ball still clutched in the
squirrel’s paws!"
"So that’s when you cursed," said the Mother with a knowing smile.
"Nope, that wasn’t it either," cried the Sister, anguished, "....as the
hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the
hawk dropped him right on the green.
The ball popped out of the squirrel’s paws and rolled to about 18 inches
from the cup! "
Mother Superior sat abruptly back in her chair, folded her arms across her
chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said...
"You missed the
Slime
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Pants
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Pants
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rulefan
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A husband and wife were out golfing together one day when they came upon a tough par 4 hole. The husband hooked his drive deep into the woods and proclaimed that he would have to chip out. Then the wife said: "Maybe not, dear! Do you see that barn over there? If I open the doors on both sides, I do believe you could hit it right through and reach the green."
So the husband agrees to give it a try, but when he hits the ball it goes straight through the front doors of the barn, hits the crossbeam, ricochets back and hits his wife square in the head, killing her.
A year goes by and the man is golfing with a friend. He finds himself on the same hole, with the same results, a hook deep in the woods. He is all set to chip out when his friend runs up to him and says: "Wait! Do you see that barn over there? If I open the doors on both sides, I think you can still reach the green."
"No way," replies the man: "I tried that last year and got a 7."
So the husband agrees to give it a try, but when he hits the ball it goes straight through the front doors of the barn, hits the crossbeam, ricochets back and hits his wife square in the head, killing her.
A year goes by and the man is golfing with a friend. He finds himself on the same hole, with the same results, a hook deep in the woods. He is all set to chip out when his friend runs up to him and says: "Wait! Do you see that barn over there? If I open the doors on both sides, I think you can still reach the green."
"No way," replies the man: "I tried that last year and got a 7."
rulefan
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Two friends were playing golf one day.
They decided they would adhere strictly to the rules with no improving their lie.
After a few holes, one guy's ball landed on a cart path.
As he reached down to pick up his ball to get relief his friend said, "We agreed that we would not improve our lie."
No matter how much the first fellow tried to explain that he was entitled to this relief, the second fellow would not allow it.
So the man went to the cart to get a club.
As he stood over the ball he took a few practice swings, each time scraping the club on the pavement, taking out big chunks of blacktop and sending out lots of sparks! Finally, after several practice swings he took his shot. The ball took off and landed on the green about 6 feet from the pin.
"Great shot!" his friend exclaimed. "What club did you use?"
"Your 7-iron!" he replied
They decided they would adhere strictly to the rules with no improving their lie.
After a few holes, one guy's ball landed on a cart path.
As he reached down to pick up his ball to get relief his friend said, "We agreed that we would not improve our lie."
No matter how much the first fellow tried to explain that he was entitled to this relief, the second fellow would not allow it.
So the man went to the cart to get a club.
As he stood over the ball he took a few practice swings, each time scraping the club on the pavement, taking out big chunks of blacktop and sending out lots of sparks! Finally, after several practice swings he took his shot. The ball took off and landed on the green about 6 feet from the pin.
"Great shot!" his friend exclaimed. "What club did you use?"
"Your 7-iron!" he replied
