Laughter - the best medicine

[ColchesterFC]

I got Mrs Colch some lorry oil for her birthday as that's what she said she wanted. But apparently it's pronounced "L'Oréal".

 

[ColchesterFC]

My ex wife was off for a haircut and asked what type of cut I thought would make her look more attractive. I said, "A power cut".

 

[Lord Tyrion]

@ColchesterFC that was like an old episode of The Comedian's ?. Keep em coming, until you get fraggered of course ?.

Sad they can't be repeated but not really surprising ?

 

[Dando]

Just remember no matter how pointless you think your job is, some poor sod has to fit indicators to Audi’s

 

[Slime]

 

[Slime]

 

[Slime]

 

[drdel]

Just remember no matter how pointless you think your job is, some poor sod has to fit indicators to Audi’s

But they will not get worn out

 

[ColchesterFC]

I think that my pony might be developing a slight cough.


Well he's a little hoarse.

 

[ColchesterFC]

A mate of mine decided to open an origami shop.


Unfortunately due to the pandemic it's folded.

 

[ColchesterFC]

My Spanish bodybuilder friend told me he’s run out of protein powder. I thought “no whey Jose’”

 

[ColchesterFC]

Many years ago I went to a picnic with Errol Brown from Hot Chocolate.

It started with a quiche.

 

[ColchesterFC]

Police are currently investigating a raid at Tiffany’s in London.

The suspects were last seen running just as fast as they can.

 

[ColchesterFC]

I've just been out and bought myself a new boomerang. Has anyone got any advice on how I can throw the old one away?

 

[Leftie]

I’m not going to invite anyone to Christmas dinner this year. Instead, I’m going to hold a funeral for a turkey so there’ll be around 30 of us.

 

[Leftie]

Apparently, pirates are at greater risk from Covid19 than any other ethnic group. It's due to the aaaaarrrrrr rate.

 

[Slime]

Walked past the fridge earlier and thought I heard an onion singing a Bee Gees song, but when I opened the fridge door it was just a chive talkin' ...

 

[Slime]

How on earth do so many people get well known sayings wrong?







Answers on a coastguard.

 

[larmen]

How on earth do so many people get well known sayings wrong?







Answers on a coastguard.

Cat phrases ;-)
Dave Gorman had a segment in his shows where people got them all wrong.

 

[stefanovic]

How many homeopaths does it take to change a light bulb?

0.000000000001

How many Chinese does it take?

1,000,000,000. (many hands make light work).