PhilTheFragger
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If alcohol can damage your short term memory ,just think what alcohol can do.
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Laughter - the best medicine
- Thread starter YandaB
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drdel
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stefanovic
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Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson go camping.
At around midnight Holmes wakes Watson, points to the night sky at asks him what that suggests.
Watson: Well, the stars up there are in fact suns, just like our own. That they are so feint suggests they are a long, long way away.
Some may even have planets just like our own Earth where life has evolved. Some life may be intelligent, just like ourselves.
They may even have developed advanced technology and are watching us!
Holmes: No Watson, you fool. Someone has stolen our tent.
At around midnight Holmes wakes Watson, points to the night sky at asks him what that suggests.
Watson: Well, the stars up there are in fact suns, just like our own. That they are so feint suggests they are a long, long way away.
Some may even have planets just like our own Earth where life has evolved. Some life may be intelligent, just like ourselves.
They may even have developed advanced technology and are watching us!
Holmes: No Watson, you fool. Someone has stolen our tent.
A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Brian!"
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Brian Sullivan, every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Brian Sullivan. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."
Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Brian Sullivan, he could do everything right."
Passenger: "Wow. Some guy then."
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Brian, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Brian Sullivan."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Brian. He died. I'm married to his widow."
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Brian Sullivan, every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Brian Sullivan. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."
Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Brian Sullivan, he could do everything right."
Passenger: "Wow. Some guy then."
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Brian, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Brian Sullivan."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Brian. He died. I'm married to his widow."
A man is walking down the street, when he sees a funeral coming along. At the head of the funeral is a man with an Alsatian dog. Directly behind him is a long line of 40 or 50 men. Closely followed by a hearse.
Curious, the man walks across to the man with the dog and asks who's funeral is it.
"Its my wife's" he responds.
" I'm sorry, how did she die" he asks.
"We had a row, she started yelling at me, and my dog leapt up and killed her."
The man was quiet for a moment, then asked. "Any chance I can borrow your dog?".
The man points behind and says
" Join the queue
Curious, the man walks across to the man with the dog and asks who's funeral is it.
"Its my wife's" he responds.
" I'm sorry, how did she die" he asks.
"We had a row, she started yelling at me, and my dog leapt up and killed her."
The man was quiet for a moment, then asked. "Any chance I can borrow your dog?".
The man points behind and says
" Join the queue
Slime
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PhilTheFragger
Provider of Entertainment for the Golfing Gods 🙄
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Deleted member 21258
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Slime
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Slime
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Pathetic Shark
Tour Rookie
I saw the cannibal family next door who have just come back from their holiday. The husband had his arm missing and the wife's left leg was gone. "What happened?" I asked. "We went self catering." they answered.
bobmac
Major Champion
Slime
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Post #1284 .................................. doh!
bobmac
Major Champion
Orikoru
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I didn't notice it was different until you said that.Almost the same but not quite.
rulefan
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It's anticipated Corbyn from the front page of the Telegraph this morning.
Doon frae Troon
Ryder Cup Winner
Not applicable nowadsys but in the 1950's..............
What is big, brown, smelly and comes steaming out of Cow[e]s backwards.
The IOW ferry.
Leftie
Tour Winner
Turning back the clocks and adding an hour to 2020 is like getting a bonus track on a Yoko One album.
Leftie
Tour Winner
My new satnav is really good. Yesterday I drove past a zoo and it said "bear left".
