Laughter - the best medicine

[Norrin Radd]

two lions are walking down the street ,one says ,not many people about is there

 

[Norrin Radd]

saw some people running down the street ,i stopped one and asked why they were all running ,he said that two lions had escaped from the local zoo.i said where are they ,he said ,well we aint bloody chasing them are we.

 

[Slime]

Two birds sitting on a perch.
One says to the other, "Can you smell fish?"

 

[Slime]

A salesman was traveling through the countryside, selling insect repellent:​

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He came to a farmhouse and tried his pitch on the farmer. “Sir, my bug spray is so good you will never be bitten again, I guarantee it.”​

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The farmer was dubious. “Young man, I’ll make you a proposition. I’ll tie you out in my cornfield buck naked, covered with that bug spray. If there is not a single bite on you come morning, I’ll buy a whole case from you.”​

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The salesman was delighted.​

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They went to the field and he stripped.​

The farmer sprayed him thoroughly with the bug spray and tied him to a stake. And back to the house went the farmer.​

The next morning, the farmer and his family trooped out to the cornfield. Sure enough, the salesman was there, hanging in his bonds, not a single bite on him. Yet he was a total wreck! Pale, ghastly, haggard and drawn, but not one bite on him.​

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The farmer was perplexed. “Son.” He said, “Now, you don’t have a bite on you, but you look like hell! What the devil happened?”​

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The salesman looked up through bloodshot eyes and croaked.​

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“For crying out loud, Mister, doesn’t that calf have a Mother?”​

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[Leftie]

My aunt Marge has been ill for long we've changed her name to "I Can't Believe She's Not Better".

 

[Leftie]

I really wish Beyonce had married Roy Castle.

 

[Leftie]

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

 

[ColchesterFC]

 

[sunshine]

I went to the garage to fill my car late last night but it was closed. The notice said it was open 24/7.
I guess I’ll have to go back tomorrow.

Very good! How long have you been waiting to use that one?

 

[Swinglowandslow]

Very good! How long have you been waiting to use that one?

Since 24 July 2019?

 

[SwingsitlikeHogan]

It might be a small world - but I wouldn't want to have to paint it (Chic Murray)

 

[SwingsitlikeHogan]

I went round to see my lady neighbour - she opened the door in her nightdress - odd place to have a door I thought...(CM)

 

[rosecott]

I really wish Beyonce had married Roy Castle.

I think you peaked on your previous post

 

[Slime]

 

[need_my_wedge]

 

[Slime]

 

[SwingsitlikeHogan]

If a Smurf can do it then so can I...ah - not all was what it seemed - he's not a Smurf...

 

[Mudball]

 

[Slime]

 

[Mudball]

WTF..