Laughter - the best medicine

[ColchesterFC]

***** Advice needed!! *****

Our kids keep finding the Christmas presents that I have hidden around the house.

Someone suggested I put them up in the loft, so I did that last night, I literally had no sleep at all, I could hear them crying and moaning about spiders, the dark and wanting to be let back down.

Any other suggestions please??

 

[Slime]

Bob, a new health and safety officer went into the works canteen on the construction site for the first time for a cuppa, he hung his coat and hard hat in the cloakroom and sat down. Unfortunately, the scaffolders always had a habit of picking on new employees, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his hard hat had been stolen.

Bob strolled back into the canteen, handily flipped his clip board into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and slapped it down hard onto the table, 'Bang!'
"Which one of you pole jumpers stole my hat?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.
No one answered.

"Alright, I'm gonna have another cuppa, and if my hat ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I did in London! And I don't like to have to do what I did in London!"
Some of the scaffolders shifted restlessly. Bob, true to his word, had another cuppa, walked outside, and his hard hat has been returned to the cloakroom.

He started to go back to his office. The site foreman wandered out of the canteen and asked, "Oi mate, before you go... tell me, what happened in London?"

Bob, the safety officer, turned back and said, "I had to buy a new hat."

 

[Slime]

 

[Dando]

 

[Fade and Die]

View attachment 39769

As someone with a birthday on the 25th this used to upset me a lot as a kid!?

 

[Imurg]

Have I just heard correctly that someone's Anti Cancel-Culture Conference has been cancelled

 

[Slime]

 

[Slime]

 

[SocketRocket]

My Wife said I ruined her Birthday.

I didn't even know it was her Birthday!

 

[SocketRocket]

 

[SocketRocket]

 

[Smiffy]

 

[CliveW]

A wealthy Arab Sheik was admitted to hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his type of blood in case the need arose.
As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so, the call went out.
Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman in appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, 5 carats of diamonds, and $50,000 dollars.
A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery.
The hospital telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate more of his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Cadbury chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had before.
He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me another BMW, diamonds and money ... but you only gave me a thank-you card and a box of chocolates."
To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I have Scottish blood in ma veins now".

 

[Dando]

Sorry if this offends anyone

 

[spongebob59]

Warning contents swearing :

Clarkson's lager advert

https://twitter.com/x/status/1466476262432587776

 

[Mudball]

 

[ColchesterFC]

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes.

She gave me a hug.

 

[Dando]

Warning: If you get sent a link to listen to the new Ed Sheeran and Elton John Christmas song, don't open it. It's a link to listen to the new Ed Sheeran and Elton John Christmas song

 

[Fade and Die]

 

[Dando]