Laughter - the best medicine

Lord Tyrion

Money List Winner
Joined
Sep 9, 2014
Messages
19,856
Location
Northumberland
Not sure of the timing in relation to the folk you mention, but the first person I heard tell it was Billy Connolly.
Bobby Thompson was telling it, from clips I've seen, back in the 70's. I heard Max Boyce do it in the early 80's but who knows when he first did it. It's the sort of gag that the regional comics could all do before the advent of TV. TV has killed a joke like this being used by different comics. No idea who did it first time around.

In full length it's a good one, the story being stretched out etc and very much a joke from the working mens clubs.
 

SocketRocket

Ryder Cup Winner
Joined
Sep 12, 2011
Messages
17,201
This could possibly be the oldest joke ever posted on here 👏.

I've heard it told by Bobby Thompson, NE, Max Boyce, Wales and at least 3 other regional comedians from 'back in the day' who I can't quite name for now. Their versions are much longer of course. Anyone name the others who had a version?

One for the oldies 😂
Didn't realise they had to be original 😉

I'll get me duvet.
 
Joined
Jul 24, 2012
Messages
26,655
I know it’s an oldie but it made me smile…

So many of the best racing drivers are named after Scottish places…Stirling Moss, Johnny Dumfries, Lewis Hamilton, Eddie Irvine, Ayr Toon Centre…🙄🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿
 

Voyager EMH

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 14, 2021
Messages
1,236
Location
Leicestershire
Fifty "Sheds" Of Grey
--------------------------------------------------------------

We tried various positions – round the back, on the side, up against a wall. In the end we came to the conclusion that the bottom of the garden was the only place for a shed.
--------------------------------------------------------------------

She stood before me, trembling in my shed.
“I’m yours for the night,” she gasped, “You can do whatever you want with me.”
So I took her to the Garden Centre.
-------------------------------------------------------------------

She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first, then harder until finally I moaned with pleasure.
Now for the other boot.
--------------------------------------------------------------------

Ever since she read THAT book, I’ve had to buy all kinds of ropes, chains and shackles. She still manages to get into the shed, though.
--------------------------------------------------------------------

“Put on this rubber suit and mask,” I instructed, calmly.
“Mmmm, kinky!” she purred.
“Yes,” I said, “You can’t be too careful with all that asbestos in the shed roof.”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I’m a very naughty girl,” she said, biting her lip. “I need to be punished.”
So I invited my mum to stay for the weekend.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Harder!” she cried, gripping the workbench tightly. “Harder!”
“Okay,” I said. “What’s the gross national product of Nicaragua ?”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

I lay back exhausted, gazing happily out of the shed window.
Despite my concerns about my inexperience, my rhubarb had come up a treat.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Are you sure you can take the pain?” she demanded, brandishing a pair of Stilettos.
“I think so,” I gulped.
“Here we go, then,” she said, and showed me the receipt.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Hurt me!” she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over my workbench.
“Very well,” I replied. “You’ve got fat ankles and no dress sense.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Are you sure you want this?” I asked. “When I’m done, you won’t be able to sit down for weeks.”
She nodded.
“Okay,” I said and put the three-piece suite up for sale on eBay.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Punish me!” she cried. “Make me suffer like only a real man can!”
“Very well,” I replied and so I left the toilet seat up.
 
Top