Laughter - the best medicine

[Leftie]

For (possibly) one night only

Back by popular demand

Just a short sample of what you have been missing

The only real difference between crows and ravens is that crows have five pinion feathers while ravens only have four. So the difference between a crow and a raven is a matter of a pinion.

Friend and I have taken up woodworking. Another mate said he didn't know we were carpenters. I said, “We've only just begun.”

There was a sign in our pet shop that said, 'Pedigree Netherlands kitten for sale.’ Never heard of a cat from the Netherlands, so I went into the shop and asked, ‘How Dutch is that moggie in the window?’

 

[Leftie]

Looking for a few gallons of diesel… Willing to swap for a doctor’s appointment.

 

[Leftie]

One large oil company has announced they are going to start producing fuel from insect urine. I think it's BP.

 

[Leftie]

The local wig shop was burgled last night. They've had to replace all the locks.

 

[Leftie]

My boss yelled at me this morning. “It’s the fifth time you’ve been late to work this week! Do you know what that means?” “Yes,” I said, “it’s Friday!"

 

[Leftie]

OK. OK. I know. They are

I'll get my coat and maybe reappear in another 10 months time.

 

[Imurg]

You're a Legend Roger..

 

[Deleted member 15344]

OK. OK. I know. They are

I'll get my coat and maybe reappear in another 10 months time.

????? great to see you back

 

[Leftie]

Oh! OK, if you insist ...

Everyone remembers the Human League’s front man Phil Oakey. But his sister Carrie was a bad pub singer at best.

This gin and tonic is 91 calories. This banana is 105 calories. My doctor told me to make the healthy choice. I love my doctor.

I don't tell religious jokes any more. They put me on the sects offenders register.

 

[ManinBlack]

Saudis are happy that the takeover of Newcastle United has finally gone through.

 

[Imurg]

 

[AmandaJR]

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Bedford-...TSpG0kLSGjWdOqIYZ0kgt1TIIlDOjGCceryMIbh_UWaSY

 

[Fade and Die]

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/Bedford-...TSpG0kLSGjWdOqIYZ0kgt1TIIlDOjGCceryMIbh_UWaSY

The full description. ???

 

[Imurg]

The full description. ???

Absolute quality...

 

[Slime]

 

[Slime]

I saw an old bloke collecting all the trollies in the local supermarket car park.




He must have been pushing 70!

 

[Slime]

I phoned the incontinence helpline.


They asked if I could hold?

 

[Smiffy]

 

[Dando]

 

[Dando]