Laughter - the best medicine

[Tashyboy]

Talking to a guy who missed an ex pit lads funeral a couple of months ago. Or I went to.
Anyway he tells me that Dennis who’s funeral it was. He picked him up in the car at the end of the pit lane one day about 11.45. He is hung over and stinks of beer. Knowing Dennis he probably had a few beers before work. Anyway they go into the lockers and Dennis whilst undressing and says “what the hell is that in my inside pocket” he promptly pulls out last nights fish and chips which he bought whilst drunk and had forgot about them. He said I will take them down the pit and put them
On the electrical transformer which will keep them warm and have them at snap time. He did ?

 

[jim8flog]

 

[Slime]

 

[Dando]

Mrs d made me promise that if anything happened to her I’d find someone else.
So I did.
Apparently her being stuck in traffic wasn’t what she meant

 

[jim8flog]

One of my playing mates came up with a cracker on Friday

" The last thing on that fly's mind was his back side"

as a it landed on his ball just before club to ball impact.

 

[Dando]

 

[Mudball]

Made me spit out my tea this morning… (not sure why they needed BoJo in the pic).

 

[patricks148]

When I was coming back from my bike ride this lunchtime I passed an old boy coming the other way on a bike with a tin of Tennants in his bottle cage, I found that hilarious ?

 

[jim8flog]

Made me spit out my tea this morning… (not sure why they needed BoJo in the pic).

View attachment 38774

Seperated at birth?

 

[Mudball]

Seperated at birth?

I am assuming he has done his bit to raise the birth rate.. (allegedly)

 

[Slime]

On the M25 a pensioner drove his brand new BMW to 100 mph, looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him.
He floored it to 140 , then 150, ... then 155, ... Suddenly he thought,
"I'm too old for this nonsense !"
So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.
The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said,
"Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. Today is Friday and I'm taking off for the weekend with my family. If you can give me a good reason that I've never heard before, why you were speeding... I'll let you go."
The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied :-
"Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back." !!!
The police man left saying,
" Have a good day, Sir "...

 

[Dando]

 

[Mudball]

 

[Dando]

the local lemonade factory was flooded yesterday. Several employees were Schwepped away

 

[Dando]

Ive just been to see my doctor and after he examined me the doctor said "You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?
"In fact, I do," I replied . "After I have sex I am usually cold and chilly, and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually hot and sweaty."
After examining my wife, the doctor said: "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"
My wife replied that she had no questions or concerns. The doctor then said to her: "Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the first time, and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you know why?"
"Oh that crazy old fart," she replied. "That's because the first time is usually in January and the second time is in August".....................??

 

[Dando]

 

[SocketRocket]

View attachment 38784

I don't get it ?

 

[PhilTheFragger]

I don't get it ?

Pat testing ….Doh

 

[Deleted member 1740]

why did the pie cross the road?

because he was meet-in-potato…

 

[CliveW]

Pat testing ….Doh

Who is Pat testing?