funny golf course stories !!!!!!!!!

[ball_basher]

lets here your funny or odd stories from the golf course !!!!!

i met up with some stranger yesterday on the first tee , so we hooked up for the round , he had hired a buggy which i ended getting a ride on , all was well until coming down the seventh fairway and the buggy lost power and was going slow , we decided to carry on and play the 8th as well as this was near the club house and we could then go and change buggy . so off to the clubhouse we went and changed the buggy , back over to the 9th tee , some bloke who had just played the FIRST and was now coming off the 8th green came over telling us it is good etiquette to ask if you can rejoin in front of them , i have have never heard this before and apolagised , i then asked this guy if it was good etiquette to jump from the first hole to playing the 8th , he mumbled some kind of reply and stomped .... it left us laughing and amused us for the rest of the round ...

 

[haplesshacker]

Crows nicking golf balls after you've just driven 250 yards. Didn't just happen to me, but the other 2 I was playing with, and the 4 ball behind us as well.

 

[medwayjon]

Basically, I caught a couple of middle-aged people having a spot of sweet al-fresco loving once, nice.

I also saw somebody in our 4-ball trying to chip out of the trees but get an unfortunate cannon into his jacobs. Went down like a sack of spuds he did, we couldn't go to his aid as the other 3 of us were incapacitated through laughter (literally in tears on the floor) whilst Jamesey was in severe jeapordy of premature impotence.

 

[ball_basher]

i knew you would have a good one jon ..

 

[ball_basher]

i have heard of that before at whithington golf club on the 15 th

 

[medwayjon]

They were non-golfers, they had parked up in a country lane next to the short course at Upchurch and nipped onto the course as it was quiet I suppose.

The guys lilywhite arse bouncing up and down scarred me for a long time.

Would have been the most interesting hole-in-one ever though if my drive had hit either of them accurately.

For humour though the whack in the nads rules, if I ever need a laugh I just go onto youtube and search "hit in nuts" - it works a treat!

 

[Ken_A]

Dont know if it counts-

I had met a few clients in Limerick, Ireland one evening. We had dinner signed a contract had 2 cups of coffee they got drunk I moved to the fanta.
I decided I had enough and I would head home, could not stay as wife was preggers.
It's a 4 1/2 drive from where we where to home, part of the way up the road I felt the urge for a pee - I kept it in, but it got worse and worse. It had got dark and I was in the middle of the country so I looked around for a sutable pee stop. All I could see was massive houses set back off the road. Not wanting to go in someones drive I found a large entrance, I could not see lights from a house so I pulled over, walked behind the massive stone walls and started to have a pee. I swear I was there for 3 minutes when I heard a voice ask what I was at. I apolagised and said I needed to go badly, the man simply said - get out we have sprinklers to water the place.

With big red face and a happy bladder I got back into the car, turned on th lights turned and then saw the huge sign saying Welcome to the K club.

 

[ball_basher]

good one that !! going a bit off the golf subject , i remember driving to morecombe one night off night clubbing , we parked up on see front and needed a pee badly so we peed over the wall on seafront , the next minute we heard a voice say oi eff off and a tramp appeared drenched with four lads pee .... he he ....

 

[golfer1]

I few years ago, during our Open Comp. one of the lads went to the 17th hole, which is the hole for the longest drive. He was about 250 yards from the tee and watch a game tee off and finsh the hole. He looked back at the tee waiting to see the next group tee off, but they weren't moving so he waved them on, but still they didn't move. So he moved closer to the tee and again waved them on, but again they didn't move. he moved closer a couple of more tomes, waving them on each time. He was about 150yards from the tee before he realised he had been waving at some brightly coloured shirts that were hanging on the washing line of one of the houses that backed onto the tee.

the funniest part of this story was that he was on his own when this happened and came back to the club to tell everybody.

 

[TonyN]

Playing the other week with the dad in law, i pulled my ball into a little stream down the left which had a steep, slippery slope. I decided to play a provisional as it plugged and i knew i wouldnt find it. As we got down there, Ray spotted it and went for it. But he went for it on his ar*e and ended up in the drink. Mud all down his back and legs, was so funny i couldtn't play properly after that for laughing.

Another funny storey(non golf, but Pee related)

Was out on lash with lads from my troop in Exeter. Went into a bar there and my mate went to get the drinks in. He was taking ages so i went to see what was going on. He said the stupid bimbo bar maid was ignoring him and serving all the civvies. So he said here hold this (money) and stand back. He then proceeded tyo get his manhood out and pee all over the bar( how no one noticed is beyond me) I thought what the hell (but like all good marines, they do everythin for a reason)

Eventually the bar maid came to serve him. He mubbled his order and she said 'i cant here you', so he said it again quietly. Then she leaned over(both arms on the bar) and he shouted it at her 6 pints of larger please, o and mind the liquid on the bar, it smells like pee. She then looked at her top and the sleeves were drenched, she thought it was just beer, but he knew it was the sweet sign of revenge. Absolute class, i couldnt stop laughing all night.

 

[madandra]

Heres another off the golf theme story I want to share.

My wifes brother ( I refuse to call this one a brother in law as he is as thick as 5h1te in the neck of a bottle) was in my car last week and I left him alone to talk to a golfing buddy. I could see he was raking through the car (company car full of stuff I use for work), I jumped back in and he was all fidgety and coughing. I asked him what was wrong and he said my breath freshener tabs were disgusting (the little paper like tabs that disolve on your tongue) I informed him that I didn't have breath freshener tabs, I only had POST IT PAGE MARKER TABS.

 

[benny]

a tramp appeared drenched with four lads pee .... he he ....

A tramp? You shouldn't call someone a tramp, its as bad as saying N*gger or P*ki. And if I hadn't starred them two words out people wouldve been even more offended than they are. A [****] tramp, what year do you think this is man?

 

[TonyN]

O dear here comes the PC brigade!

 

[medwayjon]

How the feck is "Tramp" an offensive word. It is nothing like the examples mentioned whatsoever.

Why is tramp any different from say transient/vagabond/nomad?

Of course we should call them a "temporarily unaccommodated person" or some other daft pc buzz-word.

If you were to refer to the homeless offensively I think words like dosser/bum/knacker would be used.

 

[TonyN]

what about hobo jon?

 

[OldWindy]

I prefer Gene Hunt terminology.

 

[ball_basher]

heres another one i totally forgot about , i had only been playing about 3 months (6 years ago ) and i was playing with a work mate who's first time it was playing a course , we decided to hire a buggy as i have tendon trouble from time to time and it was flaring up , we loaded the buggy up and off we went off to the first tee , which is under a tunnel on the other side of the road , when we reached the tee and got off the buggy i discovered my clubs had gone , i panicked and drove back to the clubhouse to find about 20 blokes all stood around laughing at me i wondered what was going on, then i seen me bag and clubs all over the place flask broken as well , i had only forget to strap the damn bag to the buggyt and felt a right prat lol

 

[benny]

What PC brigade? This isnt to do with politics or buzz words, its about respect for another person. Becoming homeless can happen to anybody and I wouldnt want to be referred to as a tramp, thats a demeaning word where I come from.
Funny, as soon as I wrote *** last week someone wanted it removed straight away cos we might have kids reading it. If my kid saw someone sleeping rough and called them a tramp I'd [****] belt her. And thats not PC.

 

[medwayjon]

I suggest you delete your post with the c-word in, there are ladies and juniors using this forum and that word is entirely innappropriate and out of place.

As a dad yourself I'm sure you would (as I would) belt anybody who said the c-word in their earshot so out of respect for the juniors, ladies and those offended do the right thing.

 

[ball_basher]

you need your head testing !! its just a figure of speech ,

i happen to be a proper fully practicing Buddhist , and i actively campaign for world peace and to rid this world of poverty and make it a better place for everybody , i understand you are entitled to your opinion but you dont have to start slating folk when you really haven't got a glue what respect means ..

check out sgi_uk website you might learn something interesting