Dementia Awareness

Lord Tyrion

Money List Winner
Moderator
Joined
Sep 9, 2014
Messages
26,690
Location
Northumberland
Visit site
I

MiL got a phone call.whilst we were away last Monday. Bottom line, they are looking at getting FIL into some kind of respite care 1 day a week at the moment with them both going to groups that deal with dementia/ alziemers. This has been mentioned before but MIL has not chased it up when suggested to her.
We found up here that respite care was only available for a minimum 1 week stay, where available at all. You may have more provision but bear in mind, particularly in a covid era, you may not get exactly what you want. A degree of flexibility may be needed.

In all honesty, 1 day is barely respite but I appreciate it may be a case of baby steps.
 

Tashyboy

Please don’t ask to see my tatts 👍
Joined
Dec 12, 2013
Messages
18,434
Visit site
We found up here that respite care was only available for a minimum 1 week stay, where available at all. You may have more provision but bear in mind, particularly in a covid era, you may not get exactly what you want. A degree of flexibility may be needed.

In all honesty, 1 day is barely respite but I appreciate it may be a case of baby steps.
I hope it is just a start. Been out of the loop the last 10 days With jols..normal service resumes on Wednesday
0 fays
 
D

Deleted member 16999

Guest
We found up here that respite care was only available for a minimum 1 week stay, where available at all. You may have more provision but bear in mind, particularly in a covid era, you may not get exactly what you want. A degree of flexibility may be needed.

In all honesty, 1 day is barely respite but I appreciate it may be a case of baby steps.
I think it varies mate, fil went in for 2 weeks respite. That was a few years back so may of changed due to availability etc.
 

Lord Tyrion

Money List Winner
Moderator
Joined
Sep 9, 2014
Messages
26,690
Location
Northumberland
Visit site
I think it varies mate, fil went in for 2 weeks respite. That was a few years back so may of changed due to availability etc.
Very much so. We originally looked at putting my MiL in for a couple of days but soon discovered 1 week was the minimum option. No doubt it will vary from area to area, some shorter, some longer. I just wanted Tashy to be aware of that and be prepared.

Covid has messed this up as well, homes don't want as much movement as they used to for obvious reasons.
 

Robster59

Tour Rookie
Joined
Aug 7, 2015
Messages
5,162
Location
Jackton
www.eastrengolfclub.co.uk
Before he went in permanently, we put the FiL in for respite 2 or 3 times for various lengths. He was a little more with-it at the time and wasn't particularly happy about going in. Also, the home he went in to originally for respite was commercial (the one he is now is a charity) and so whilst the care was OK, I know from other people I know in the Care business that costs are always an issue. The one he is in now is a charitable institution and they tend to have more long-term staff which means more continuity for the residents. Even if he is only going in for a day (or a few days), do some research, visit the places, understand their ethos, as the impression they make on his first visit can have an impact on the way they view going into a home for the longer term. I know my FiL didn't want to go back to the first home but is perfectly settled now in his new one.
 

Tashyboy

Please don’t ask to see my tatts 👍
Joined
Dec 12, 2013
Messages
18,434
Visit site
Sat watching the second episode of dementia and it’s Heartbreaking.

This year.
FIL is the same old same old With his demen
MiL had breast removed through cancer
Mother hopefully comes out of hospital tomorrow having had Gall stones removed today.
Monday just gone. Well not one of me best days. Having spoken to Missis T I decided to talk to me dad about his memory problems. Bottom line he has started with similar symptoms to FIL a few years back. I went to the drs and made him an appointment for Monday. I also spoke to him about stopping driving. It was heartbreaking. Me and me brother have kept an eye on them for years. Me other brother and sister have turned up and bottom line it is creating a split. Me dad has mentioned to me brother who has been helping that he has a hearing test on Monday.
A testing few years ahead I think.
 

Tashyboy

Please don’t ask to see my tatts 👍
Joined
Dec 12, 2013
Messages
18,434
Visit site
That's a heck of a conversation, hellish tough. The rest of your family being on the same hymn sheet is massive in helping you all through this. Keep well ?

Me and Missis T had four nights in Torquay last week. Me younger brother kept an eye on our parents. I kept in touch with me other bro and sis. I told them both re the conversation I was going to have with me dad re driving and dementia. He said “ leave him there’s nowt you can do anyway”. I was bloody livid. My sister came up last Saturday primarily to see me mum in hospital, but the hospital will only see one person, me mum choose me. My sister has been round to see me dad once in 7 days. I hope the dr says your dad is just old (85). happy days, but it still leaves the problem of driving.
That programme last night was heartbreaking and all to familiar. There was things mentioned on that show that has been mentioned on this forum. ☹️
 

Lord Tyrion

Money List Winner
Moderator
Joined
Sep 9, 2014
Messages
26,690
Location
Northumberland
Visit site
The driving aspect is terrifying, both for them and anyone else on the road. It never ceases to amaze how casual people are about people with clear health deterioration carrying on driving when it is plain dangerous for everyone.

Have your brothers and sister been on a dementia friends course? If not it would be worth suggesting it to them. It massively helped me understand what was happening with my MiL and how to deal with her and the illness. My FiL, 3-4 years on, wouldn't do it, still doesn't have the first idea how to speak to her, help her etc. Thankfully she is now in a care home, being looked after properly and safely.
 

Tashyboy

Please don’t ask to see my tatts 👍
Joined
Dec 12, 2013
Messages
18,434
Visit site
The driving aspect is terrifying, both for them and anyone else on the road. It never ceases to amaze how casual people are about people with clear health deterioration carrying on driving when it is plain dangerous for everyone.

Have your brothers and sister been on a dementia friends course? If not it would be worth suggesting it to them. It massively helped me understand what was happening with my MiL and how to deal with her and the illness. My FiL, 3-4 years on, wouldn't do it, still doesn't have the first idea how to speak to her, help her etc. Thankfully she is now in a care home, being looked after properly and safely.
Personally I don’t think either would bother going on the course. My sister has moved 70 miles away. I don’t think point blank she is interested. My elder brother, again he has moved 15 miles away and has other priorities. At the moment I think both me and my brother would be happier if they did what they do which is nothing. They told my father that they would take him out for a meal on Wednesday. He said 3 times in hospital he did not want to go as he never knew anything about it. He said “ first Ave known about it”, “ wish I had known”, “ no one told me”. They don’t understand. Like my younger brother said “ why were we not asked to go as a family anyway”. I feel a storm is brewing ☹️
 

Tashyboy

Please don’t ask to see my tatts 👍
Joined
Dec 12, 2013
Messages
18,434
Visit site
So am sat here at hospital. Me dads having a hearing test. It was picked up
During a memory test that he was hard of hearing. He said he is not. It was picked up that he got a claim whilst mining for hearing loss. His response.
“ that was back in the 80’s” ?
Whilst bringing him Here, mum was sat in the back as well. Dropped her off at A and E. Her gall bladder has flared up again. 3 rd time in 5 weeks. FIL went to a dementia day care centre yesterday. He kicked off Bigstyle and had to be brought home. MIL wants a family meeting as he has “ to much money in the bank” and needs to get rid of some so he don’t have to pay for owt. He is only a couple of K over and the house smells of damp. It wants the render etc doing. So it can be sorted but. Once more instead of being proactive months ago and doing things we have to wait and be reactive. It’s makes dealing with the same foreseen problem 10 times harder.
Back to me dad.
When mum first had gall stones removed. I spoke to dad about stopping driving ( which he has done and car sold) and seeing dr re memory problems. Which he has done. I called last week to see when his assessment is re memory with a specialist. 3 months waiting list ?
Don’t even get me started on insurance companies and claiming back there holiday costs ?
On a positive. Hospital tea from the charity shop is cheap ?
 

Lord Tyrion

Money List Winner
Moderator
Joined
Sep 9, 2014
Messages
26,690
Location
Northumberland
Visit site
So am sat here at hospital. Me dads having a hearing test. It was picked up
During a memory test that he was hard of hearing. He said he is not. It was picked up that he got a claim whilst mining for hearing loss. His response.
“ that was back in the 80’s” ?
Whilst bringing him Here, mum was sat in the back as well. Dropped her off at A and E. Her gall bladder has flared up again. 3 rd time in 5 weeks. FIL went to a dementia day care centre yesterday. He kicked off Bigstyle and had to be brought home. MIL wants a family meeting as he has “ to much money in the bank” and needs to get rid of some so he don’t have to pay for owt. He is only a couple of K over and the house smells of damp. It wants the render etc doing. So it can be sorted but. Once more instead of being proactive months ago and doing things we have to wait and be reactive. It’s makes dealing with the same foreseen problem 10 times harder.
Back to me dad.
When mum first had gall stones removed. I spoke to dad about stopping driving ( which he has done and car sold) and seeing dr re memory problems. Which he has done. I called last week to see when his assessment is re memory with a specialist. 3 months waiting list ?
Don’t even get me started on insurance companies and claiming back there holiday costs ?
On a positive. Hospital tea from the charity shop is cheap ?
The memory tests are guff. My MiL passed her first one, on 'a good day'. We talked the doctor through the issues but no, she passed the test. We took her again a month later and she was suddenly diagnosed :rolleyes:. Anyone who knows someone with dementia can see the signs a mile off. You can play dementia bingo, it doesn't need a memory test. Hey ho.

Stick in there Tashy, it's hard going and it doesn't get easier. Keep getting all the advice you can from Age UK and the Alzheimers Society, particularly when it comes to the money side of things. As you say though, at least the hospital tea is cheap (y)
 

Robster59

Tour Rookie
Joined
Aug 7, 2015
Messages
5,162
Location
Jackton
www.eastrengolfclub.co.uk
So am sat here at hospital. Me dads having a hearing test. It was picked up
During a memory test that he was hard of hearing. He said he is not. It was picked up that he got a claim whilst mining for hearing loss. His response.
“ that was back in the 80’s” ?
Whilst bringing him Here, mum was sat in the back as well. Dropped her off at A and E. Her gall bladder has flared up again. 3 rd time in 5 weeks. FIL went to a dementia day care centre yesterday. He kicked off Bigstyle and had to be brought home. MIL wants a family meeting as he has “ to much money in the bank” and needs to get rid of some so he don’t have to pay for owt. He is only a couple of K over and the house smells of damp. It wants the render etc doing. So it can be sorted but. Once more instead of being proactive months ago and doing things we have to wait and be reactive. It’s makes dealing with the same foreseen problem 10 times harder.
Back to me dad.
When mum first had gall stones removed. I spoke to dad about stopping driving ( which he has done and car sold) and seeing dr re memory problems. Which he has done. I called last week to see when his assessment is re memory with a specialist. 3 months waiting list ?
Don’t even get me started on insurance companies and claiming back there holiday costs ?
On a positive. Hospital tea from the charity shop is cheap ?
Tough and frustrating times. Especially when there are two of them you have to deal with. You have my sympathies. It's a very difficult situation to manage. Getting care can be a real challenge at times and sometimes you have to work on the old "squeaky wheel gets the grease" basis of chasing them up. If you don't do anything, they will tend to think it's not a priority. Are the hospital aware he has dementia? That may move him up the waiting list. The nurse came to the house to do the one for my Father-in-Law fairly quickly. It was fascinating to watch in terms of how simple questions like understanding the position of hands on a watch couldn't be answered. Obviously the tests are tailored to highlight any issues. By the test, he was officially diagnosed as having vascular dementia.
 

Tashyboy

Please don’t ask to see my tatts 👍
Joined
Dec 12, 2013
Messages
18,434
Visit site
The memory tests are guff. My MiL passed her first one, on 'a good day'. We talked the doctor through the issues but no, she passed the test. We took her again a month later and she was suddenly diagnosed :rolleyes:. Anyone who knows someone with dementia can see the signs a mile off. You can play dementia bingo, it doesn't need a memory test. Hey ho.

Stick in there Tashy, it's hard going and it doesn't get easier. Keep getting all the advice you can from Age UK and the Alzheimers Society, particularly when it comes to the money side of things. As you say though, at least the hospital tea is cheap (y)
If anything it’s just a time consuming day. Missis T took me mum into A and E. she got back in the car and explained a nurse and Paramedic were doing CPR on a large woman sat in front of a car. She was to large to get out. If that wasn’t bad enough. Her family were stood watching the situation unfold. Sometimes Life or the loss of helps to put things into perspective.
 
Last edited:

Tashyboy

Please don’t ask to see my tatts 👍
Joined
Dec 12, 2013
Messages
18,434
Visit site
Tough and frustrating times. Especially when there are two of them you have to deal with. You have my sympathies. It's a very difficult situation to manage. Getting care can be a real challenge at times and sometimes you have to work on the old "squeaky wheel gets the grease" basis of chasing them up. If you don't do anything, they will tend to think it's not a priority. Are the hospital aware he has dementia? That may move him up the waiting list. The nurse came to the house to do the one for my Father-in-Law fairly quickly. It was fascinating to watch in terms of how simple questions like understanding the position of hands on a watch couldn't be answered. Obviously the tests are tailored to highlight any issues. By the test, he was officially diagnosed as having vascular dementia.
Re me dad. He has not yet been diagnosed. Hopefully by the end of January we will know one way or the other. Listening to him (me dad )it is like listening to FIL about 4 yeas ago. The likeness is sadly uncanny.
When I first got me Dad to see the gp who referred him for a memory test. I mentioned something to me dad
( again) as I was getting in the car. He had forgot. Me mum
Did a swirling with a finger around the side of her head and said “he is gong loopy “. Me dad did not look happy. Mum Had an 8/10 Tashyboy bollocking for being a thoughtless tit.
 

Robster59

Tour Rookie
Joined
Aug 7, 2015
Messages
5,162
Location
Jackton
www.eastrengolfclub.co.uk
Re me dad. He has not yet been diagnosed. Hopefully by the end of January we will know one way or the other. Listening to him (me dad )it is like listening to FIL about 4 yeas ago. The likeness is sadly uncanny.
When I first got me Dad to see the gp who referred him for a memory test. I mentioned something to me dad
( again) as I was getting in the car. He had forgot. Me mum
Did a swirling with a finger around the side of her head and said “he is gong loopy “. Me dad did not look happy. Mum Had an 8/10 Tashyboy bollocking for being a thoughtless tit.
The slow decline into dementia is horrible for the person going through it. They know what's happening to them, they've seen what happens to other people it has happened to, and they know there is nothing that can be done about it. It's a black cloud on their horizon. I know my FiL knew he was losing it and I took great care not to comment on it. I'd hate to go through it.
 

williamalex1

Money List Winner
Joined
Apr 7, 2012
Messages
13,395
Location
uddingston
Visit site
It was an old pal's funeral today, Davy Strachan 86, Professional at Bathgate GC retired many years ago.
Sadly he'd been in a care home suffering dementia for a few years. RIP.
 
Top