Dementia Awareness

4LEX

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It was an old pal's funeral today, Davy Strachan 86, Professional at Bathgate GC retired many years ago.
Sadly he'd been in a care home suffering dementia for a few years. RIP.
Sorry to hear that mate. I've got a family member in a care home with dementia and it's soul destroying seeing them now compared to how they were even just a few years ago.
 

Robster59

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The Father in Law has not been too well over the weekend. He has complained of pain whilst going to the toilet and stomach pains. They called the doctor who prescribed antibiotics. We got a phone call from the Care Home last night, and he has been taken into hospital overnight. Currently, he's on an IV drip, and we're hoping to go in to see him when he's moved into his ward. At the moment the hospital is accepting visitors as long as they are fully vaccinated and tested, so at least we're covered on that.
By all accounts he's still a bit delirious, but we've seen that before when he's had an infection.
 

williamalex1

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The Father in Law has not been too well over the weekend. He has complained of pain whilst going to the toilet and stomach pains. They called the doctor who prescribed antibiotics. We got a phone call from the Care Home last night, and he has been taken into hospital overnight. Currently, he's on an IV drip, and we're hoping to go in to see him when he's moved into his ward. At the moment the hospital is accepting visitors as long as they are fully vaccinated and tested, so at least we're covered on that.
By all accounts he's still a bit delirious, but we've seen that before when he's had an infection.
🤞🙏 is all you can do now, yous have already done as much as possible.
 

Robster59

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🤞🙏 is all you can do now, you have already done as much as possible.
Thanks. We went to see him in the hospital tonight. He's OK but totally disoriented. He will need to stay in hospital for a couple of nights at least for observation. He was taken in via ambulance in the early hours of this morning and, at the moment, is still in the Immediate Assessment Unit, but they are hoping to move him to a ward this evening. It's obviously a concern with all the Covid flying around at the moment, but we just have to keep our fingers crossed. It hit my missus pretty hard. She's never really got on with her Dad, but she was shocked at how wayward he was. And we've been told that his younger brother passed away in the States this week. They haven't spoken for years (it's that type of family :confused:), but it's no use telling him as we think he's actually forgotten he had a brother.
 

toyboy54

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Dementia-awareness; Robster59,,hope you and mrs are o.k.!
I second 'williamalex1' in that you've done all you can, it's now in other's hands!
Don't let Mrs. Robster59 blame herself in any way-family dynamics can be war at times-believe me, I speak from experience (we wrote the the book on dysfunctional)
Be strong-best wishes.....If you want an escape for a few hours then bell/drop me a line, you're always welcome(y):coffee:
 

Tashyboy

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The Father in Law has not been too well over the weekend. He has complained of pain whilst going to the toilet and stomach pains. They called the doctor who prescribed antibiotics. We got a phone call from the Care Home last night, and he has been taken into hospital overnight. Currently, he's on an IV drip, and we're hoping to go in to see him when he's moved into his ward. At the moment the hospital is accepting visitors as long as they are fully vaccinated and tested, so at least we're covered on that.
By all accounts he's still a bit delirious, but we've seen that before when he's had an infection.
It’s tough, bloody tough. As I have said before.
FIL dementia and Alzheimer’.
MIL Breast removed this year and it’s not a medical term but useless.
Dad, Leukaemia, early memory loss still to be tested. now stopped driving so Tash is a taxi driver.
Mum, gall stones, gall bladder to be removed in Jan 2022.
Nigh on full time grandparents.
This is not what retirement said on the tin. Both me and Missis T have brothers or sisters that quite frankly are extracting the urine. Yet the ones that feel guilty are the ones flogging there tits off. 😡
up until Monday all mine and Missis Ts problems were someone else‘s problems. That’s another story.
You and Missis Robster should not be beating yourselves up.
One thing I have picked up on here. And I never really took it on board. How much this takes over your life and how you kind of get it back once said sufferer goes into care.
Stay safe Mr and Missis Robster.
 

Robster59

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It’s tough, bloody tough. As I have said before.
FIL dementia and Alzheimer’.
MIL Breast removed this year and it’s not a medical term but useless.
Dad, Leukaemia, early memory loss still to be tested. now stopped driving so Tash is a taxi driver.
Mum, gall stones, gall bladder to be removed in Jan 2022.
Nigh on full time grandparents.
This is not what retirement said on the tin. Both me and Missis T have brothers or sisters that quite frankly are extracting the urine. Yet the ones that feel guilty are the ones flogging there tits off. 😡
up until Monday all mine and Missis Ts problems were someone else‘s problems. That’s another story.
You and Missis Robster should not be beating yourselves up.
One thing I have picked up on here. And I never really took it on board. How much this takes over your life and how you kind of get it back once said sufferer goes into care.
Stay safe Mr and Missis Robster.
You're having a hell of a time of it at the moment. For us, it was "just" the one person. My Mother is 98 and still going, but she is over 200 miles away and my brother is looking after her along with social care. You have a lot more on your plate, and you really need the support of others. Sometimes people can make all sorts of excuses not to assist, or are just happy not to have the hassle and let someone else do it.
As you say, you don't expect this to happen when you get older, but it just seems to be the case that we sort of fall into it. There is a guilt that you can't just chuck them into a home, and tie this in with the natural stubbornness of people as they get older, and it makes it a stressful situation at a time when you expect to be slowing down.
 
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Lord Tyrion

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There is a stigma to putting someone in a home, you have failed, you are letting the person down, you don't care. It's nonsense but it gets in people's heads. The reality is, in the case of dementia for definite, is that a care home is the best and safest place once you pass a tipping point.

Once that point is passed the person affected is unaware of what is home, what is a care home but for the people who have been doing the caring the release is huge. It's been said on here before but I will repeat it again, don't hold back on going down the care home route. It is often the best for all involved.
 

Robster59

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There is a stigma to putting someone in a home, you have failed, you are letting the person down, you don't care. It's nonsense but it gets in people's heads. The reality is, in the case of dementia for definite, is that a care home is the best and safest place once you pass a tipping point.

Once that point is passed the person affected is unaware of what is home, what is a care home but for the people who have been doing the caring the release is huge. It's been said on here before but I will repeat it again, don't hold back on going down the care home route. It is often the best for all involved.
I would agree with this totally. We looked after him as best we could, but we knew that the time would come he would be going into a nursing home, and we are delighted with where he is. We also both agree that we did it at about the right time, as there is no way we could give him the care and attention he needs in his current condition while still trying to hold down full-time jobs. We know that he is in the best place for him. He is getting the care he requires from trained professionals and also has other people of his age he can talk to.
 

oxymoron

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I would agree with this totally. We looked after him as best we could, but we knew that the time would come he would be going into a nursing home, and we are delighted with where he is. We also both agree that we did it at about the right time, as there is no way we could give him the care and attention he needs in his current condition while still trying to hold down full-time jobs. We know that he is in the best place for him. He is getting the care he requires from trained professionals and also has other people of his age he can talk to.
As yourself and LT said there is a stigma but as stated once you hit that point where you can do no more , YOU are doing the best FOR THEM . and that is what is needed ,do not fall in to a guilt trip , you have not failed in any way shape or form you have done your best , you will have shed tears, been frustrated, the whole gamut of emotions i know i felt like that .
At the end of the day you can hold your head up , you made the tough decisions in the best possible way you could .
You have obviously found a good safe place for him .
I found its the ones who have not had to deal with this are the ones who seem to look down at you , but if they were in your shoes they would probably do the same .
I hope you are at peace now , we are never truly happy doing this but it is best for the dementia sufferer .

Some sadness on this post but a lot of bloody good support really . All the best to anyone who is in this situation , even after they pass away a bit of regret still lingers though you always wonder if you could have done something better .
 

Tashyboy

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You're having a hell of a time of it at the moment. For us, it was "just" the one person. My Mother is 98 and still going, but she is over 200 miles away and my brother is looking after her along with social care. You have a lot more on your plate, and you really need the support of others. Sometimes people can make all sorts of excuses not to assist, or are just happy not to have the hassle and let someone else do it.
As you say, you don't expect this to happen when you get older, but it just seems to be the case that we sort of fall into it. There is a guilt that you can't just chuck them into a home, and tie this in with the natural stubbornness of people as they get older, and it makes it a stressful situation at a time when you expect to be slowing down.
In all honesty me and Missis T have worked in sectors where health was the focal point be it NHs or at the Pit. You kinda learn with experience and to roll with the blows. As daft as it seems some of the advice on here has been fantastic based upon other painful family experiences. We have tried to pass that onto MIL, tried to be proactive not reactive. It has fell on deaf ears and makes the same problems harder to deal with.
I was talking to Missis T re how was dementia dealt with back in the day. Straight jackets, Workhouses etc were mentioned. We have come a long way since then. Still painful to deal with.
 
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Robster59

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We went in to see the Father in Law today. He's now in his third room since he came in Monday morning. The first was the IAU and he was there for 24 hours before they moved him to a room in a ward. Last night they moved him to another room, but as they're identical he probably hasn't noticed. He's very disorientated and doesn't seem to be eating from what they are telling us. Also, he doesn't seem to be able to stand up, which he could do before as he walked around his nursing home on his stroller.
We have been told he has to stay in for at least a couple more days as the gall bladder infection was quite bad.
My missus is really concerned that he won't come out of the hospital alive. None of this is a criticism of the hospital, who have been great, but more the concern that he may have just given up. I think the lack of stimulation that he was getting in the nursing home doesn't help. We just hope we can get him back to the nursing home as soon as possible.
 

Tashyboy

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Missis T went round to see her parents yesterday. MiL was dreading doing the shopping today as FIL keeps kicking off in ASDA saying we don’t need that or that or that. He keeps putting things back. missis T said to her mum. “ when I have gone home get FIL to go round the cupboards a write a list of what you need. His writing, so he knows he has done it, but guide him to what you need”. Missis T rang an hour ago to see how it went. Terrible was the answer. missis T asked why did he not want to stick to his list. MIL said. “ well I did it last night and thought it would be ok”. I mentioned the other day she is useless and don’t help one bit. This is a classic example. She is a massive part of the problem. Unfortunately Missis T spoke to her dad during the same call.once more he does not recognise “ Kath” his wife. It is the very first time Missis T has not been able to bring FIL out of the fog. Not only that he was getting angry with it.
In Laws are due at Tashyboys house Christmas Day. If for some reason it does not or cannot happen it will tip MIL over the edge.
 

Robster59

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An update on my Father in Law.
He finally got back to the home just before Christmas Day, but he was a shadow of his former self. He wasn't really responding but three nursing staff where keeping an eye on him. We took the decision to visit my children between Christmas and New Year as I haven't seem them for two years thanks to Covid. The home said he would be fine and we checked on him daily. On the last day we got a call to say his condition had deteriorated, and we are now on to End of Life care. He has lost the ability to eat, drink or swallow.
We rushed back from Surrey to Glasgow and went in to see him yesterday. He didn't look good and we went in a couple of times.
We received a call today asking us to come in as his condition was getting worse. The home had given him morphine and he was a little more settled and we stayed there for a while, along with his grandson (my stepson). We're going back in tonight, but we just don't know when it will be all over. There could be a number of calls like this before the end. My missus is trying to hold it together but she's getting through a lot of tissues at the home.
 

Tashyboy

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Really feel for what your going through. First phone call this year 00..05. FIlL, he don’t know where he is and there’s a strange woman in a strange house. ( his wife in his house) 5 mins later and I cannot talk him outta the fog. Me and Missis T had a walk around Derwent Res today. The main subject was FIL. It really does dominate your life. Tomorrow my parents and In laws are coming round for Xmas dinner. It will be interesting. Missis T said late last night “ I think I will lose me dad this year”,She don’t mean he could pass away, he just won’t recognise anything. First time she has got emotional ☹️
Thoughts with you both Mr and Missis Robster.
 
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pauldj42

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An update on my Father in Law.
He finally got back to the home just before Christmas Day, but he was a shadow of his former self. He wasn't really responding but three nursing staff where keeping an eye on him. We took the decision to visit my children between Christmas and New Year as I haven't seem them for two years thanks to Covid. The home said he would be fine and we checked on him daily. On the last day we got a call to say his condition had deteriorated, and we are now on to End of Life care. He has lost the ability to eat, drink or swallow.
We rushed back from Surrey to Glasgow and went in to see him yesterday. He didn't look good and we went in a couple of times.
We received a call today asking us to come in as his condition was getting worse. The home had given him morphine and he was a little more settled and we stayed there for a while, along with his grandson (my stepson). We're going back in tonight, but we just don't know when it will be all over. There could be a number of calls like this before the end. My missus is trying to hold it together but she's getting through a lot of tissues at the home.
Sorry to read this, very difficult time for you all, thoughts are with you at this difficult time.
 

Robster59

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This morning we went to see the FiL and were there for a couple of hours. He was not in any discomfort and was just lying in bed, but breathing in such a way you know the time is getting close. When we saw this, we called his grandson to come over as it looked like it may be guys last chance. While we were there, the senior carer asked my missus to pop outside for a chat, which was basically asking about plans after he passed. We left about 2pm, and then got a call at 3pm to say he had just passed away. The good thing it, is it was as peaceful as it could be. We've just been up to see him so she could say her last goodbye.
At least now he is at peace and it is better than a long, drawn out, process.
 

chrisd

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This morning we went to see the FiL and were there for a couple of hours. He was not in any discomfort and was just lying in bed, but breathing in such a way you know the time is getting close. When we saw this, we called his grandson to come over as it looked like it may be guys last chance. While we were there, the senior carer asked my missus to pop outside for a chat, which was basically asking about plans after he passed. We left about 2pm, and then got a call at 3pm to say he had just passed away. The good thing it, is it was as peaceful as it could be. We've just been up to see him so she could say her last goodbye.
At least now he is at peace and it is better than a long, drawn out, process.
Condolences Robster
 
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