Post a Joke thread

[JPH]

An elderly couple, Pauline and Frank, were recently attending a church service at their retirement village.

About halfway through the service, Pauline took a pen and paper out of her purse, and wrote a note and handed it to Frank.
The note said: “I just let out a silent fart, what do you think I should do?”
Frank scribbled back: “Put a new battery in your hearing aid.”

That made me laugh

 

[JPH]

What did the number 0 say to the number 8 ?


Nice Belt

 

[teetime72]

Heard on Radio Lancs this morning.

She was only the carpet layers daughter

but she liked her underfelt.

 

[ScienceBoy]

I can only think of one...






my golf game

 

[Farneyman]

An English guy was reading a new magazine that just came out and decided to send in a photo of his wife in the nude.

A week later he got a reply from the editor saying the title of the competition was Fact Hunt.

 

[Master-putter]

I was in the cinema last night when a stunning girl came over, leaned seductively on the empty seat next to me and said, "Is this taken?"

"No," I replied, "A Good Day To Die Hard."

 

[Master-putter]

Lady: Do you smoke?
Man: Yes
Lady: How many packs a day?
Man: 3 packs
Lady: How much per pack
Man: £10.00
Lady: And how long have you been smoking?
Man: 15 years
Lady: So 1 pack cost £10.00 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at £900. In one year, it would be
£10,800 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: If in 1 year you spend £10,800 not accounting for inflation, the past 15 years puts your spending at £162,000 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: Do you know that if you hadn't smoked, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after
accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you smoke?
Lady: No
Man: Where's your Ferrari then?

 

[Crow]

^^^^^ :rofl::thup:

 

[wrighty1874]

PMSL

An English guy was reading a new magazine that just came out and decided to send in a photo of his wife in the nude.

A week later he got a reply from the editor saying the title of the competition was Fact Hunt.

 

[SocketRocket]

Keep them relatively clean and I can see this thread lasting a while

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician, he used a pencil to work it out..

No but I heard about a constipated Spaniard, couldn't passo doble.

 

[SocketRocket]

A bored business man is away from home and staying in a hotel. He notices a card on the desk advertising a call girl so he phones the number on the card. A girl with a lovely sexy voice answers and says "What can I do for you today Sir" He says "I want you to come to my hotel room, strip off, stick your head out the window and let me make mad passionate love to you and I also like to make barking noises while doing it" The woman then says " I expect you would Sir but you have to dial '9' for an outside line.