ColchesterFC
Journeyman Pro
I'm guessing it's a play on "beats by Dr Dre".
Edit - Beaten to it by Greig.
Laughter - the best medicine
- Thread starter YandaB
- Start date
I'm guessing it's a play on "beats by Dr Dre".
Edit - Beaten to it by Greig.
Slab
Occasional Tour Caddy
AmandaJR
Money List Winner
Thanks. Now I know I can declare it not funny 
Slime
Tour Winner
YandaB
Newbie
The mention of Leopards Creek on the Professional Golf thread reminded me of this one:
A businessman was attending a Conference in Africa. He had a free day and wanted to play a round of Golf. He asked whether there was any course in the vicinity and was directed to one in the jungle.
After a short journey, he arrived at the Course and advised the Pro that he wanted to play 18 holes.
"Sure," said the Pro, "What's your Handicap?"
"Well, it's 16," said the Businessman, "But I don't see the relevance since I shall be playing alone."
"No, it's very important for us to know," said the Pro.
The Pro then called a Caddy.
"Go out with this Gentleman," said the Pro, "his handicap is 16."
The businessman was very surprised at this constant reference to his handicap. However, he paid it no more attention. The Caddy picked up the businessman's bag and a large Rifle which he slung over his shoulder. Again the businessman was surprised but decided to ask no questions.
They arrived on the 1st Hole, a Par 4.
"Please avoid those trees on the left," said the Caddy.
Needless to say, the businessman duck hooked his ball into the trees. He found his ball and was about to punch it out when he heard the loud crack of the rifle and a large snake fell dead from a tree above his head. The caddy stood next to him with the rifle smoking in his hand.
"That's the most poisonous snake in all Africa," said the caddy, "you're lucky I was here with you."
After taking a bogey on the hole, they moved to the 2nd, a Par 5. "Avoid those bushes on the right," says the caddy.
Of course, the businessman's ball went slicing away into the bushes. As he went to pick up his ball, he heard the loud crack of the caddy's rifle once more and a huge lion fell dead at his feet. "I've saved your life again," said the caddy.
The 3rd hole was a Par 3 with a lake in front of the Green. The businessman's ball came up just short of the green and rolled back to the edge of the water. He had a shot. However, he had to place one foot into the lake to be able to play. As he was about to chip the ball on to the green, a large crocodile emerged from the water and bit off his right leg. As he fell to the ground, he saw the caddy with the rifle propped at his side looking on unconcernedly.
"Why didn't you shoot it?" writhed the man in pain.
"I'm sorry, Sir," said the caddy, "this is Stroke Hole 17, you don't get a shot here."
A businessman was attending a Conference in Africa. He had a free day and wanted to play a round of Golf. He asked whether there was any course in the vicinity and was directed to one in the jungle.
After a short journey, he arrived at the Course and advised the Pro that he wanted to play 18 holes.
"Sure," said the Pro, "What's your Handicap?"
"Well, it's 16," said the Businessman, "But I don't see the relevance since I shall be playing alone."
"No, it's very important for us to know," said the Pro.
The Pro then called a Caddy.
"Go out with this Gentleman," said the Pro, "his handicap is 16."
The businessman was very surprised at this constant reference to his handicap. However, he paid it no more attention. The Caddy picked up the businessman's bag and a large Rifle which he slung over his shoulder. Again the businessman was surprised but decided to ask no questions.
They arrived on the 1st Hole, a Par 4.
"Please avoid those trees on the left," said the Caddy.
Needless to say, the businessman duck hooked his ball into the trees. He found his ball and was about to punch it out when he heard the loud crack of the rifle and a large snake fell dead from a tree above his head. The caddy stood next to him with the rifle smoking in his hand.
"That's the most poisonous snake in all Africa," said the caddy, "you're lucky I was here with you."
After taking a bogey on the hole, they moved to the 2nd, a Par 5. "Avoid those bushes on the right," says the caddy.
Of course, the businessman's ball went slicing away into the bushes. As he went to pick up his ball, he heard the loud crack of the caddy's rifle once more and a huge lion fell dead at his feet. "I've saved your life again," said the caddy.
The 3rd hole was a Par 3 with a lake in front of the Green. The businessman's ball came up just short of the green and rolled back to the edge of the water. He had a shot. However, he had to place one foot into the lake to be able to play. As he was about to chip the ball on to the green, a large crocodile emerged from the water and bit off his right leg. As he fell to the ground, he saw the caddy with the rifle propped at his side looking on unconcernedly.
"Why didn't you shoot it?" writhed the man in pain.
"I'm sorry, Sir," said the caddy, "this is Stroke Hole 17, you don't get a shot here."
Old Skier
Tour Winner
More from the new owners of the mighty Wrexham
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Sure I've actually seen these for sale down Bovingdon market.
Imurg
The Grinder Of Pars (Semi Crocked)
YandaB
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Leftie
Tour Winner
"Where do you want this big roll of bubble wrap?" I asked my boss.
"Just pop it in the corner," he said.
It took me three hours.
"Just pop it in the corner," he said.
It took me three hours.
Leftie
Tour Winner
Two men were taken to hospital after injecting heroin that had been cut with curry powder.
One had a dodgy tikka and the other is still in a korma.
One had a dodgy tikka and the other is still in a korma.
backwoodsman
Tour Winner
Any chance you're going to run out of these any time soon? So I can have one big groan at the end rather than doing them individually ?
Leftie
Tour Winner
Sorry, but no.
You don't have to read them
You don't have to read them
Leftie
Tour Winner
Following Christopher Lee's death, The Sun has published an article about Dracula.
He didn't appear in The Mirror though.
He didn't appear in The Mirror though.
