Laughter - the best medicine

[Slime]

Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
The 10 pm news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump."
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
Bob placed a £20 note on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her £20 to Bob, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money."
Bob replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 pm news, and so I knew he would jump."
The blonde replied, "I did too, but didn't think he'd do it again."

Bob took the money...

 

[Slime]

 

[Slime]

Driving through a village today I saw a sign that said "Free Range Eggs". I'd never heard of Range Eggs before but as they were free I took a dozen.

I didn't know Range Eggs was in prison!

 

[Imurg]

 

[Slime]

Reports of a catering failure at the Spoonerisms Society Conference have turned out to be a lack of pies.

 

[Slime]

 

[Pants]

 

[Ye Olde Boomer]

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Many years ago, when my daughter did her junior year of university abroad, at King's College in London,
her accommodations at the school were better than what you would often see for on-campus housing in America.
The apartment had multiple individual private rooms and baths with a common living area.

Anyway, one day after shopping, arriving back at the complex, she was showing her new friends the outfits she had just bought.
Apparently, in the UK, one doesn't refer to dress trousers as "pants." (That's what we often call them here.)

When we went to visit her, she took us to see her place. All the bedrooms had tape on the outside of the doors on which nicknames
were inflicted on the occupants by their apartment mates. Hers was "Pants."

 

[Slime]

 

[Asian Dawn]

The recent celebrity split between Eamonn Holmes and his wife will leave him ruthless and her holmeless.

 

[sunshine]

During a U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, Bono asked the audience for total quiet.

Then in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands. Once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

From the front of the crowd, a broad Scottish accent pierced the quiet: "Well f#ckin' stop doin' it then ya evil b#stard!"

Topical. He did this during the Vertigo tour in 2005. How long did it take you to come up with this?

 

[Doon frae Troon]

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I hear you can get a really mean milk shake in Clacton.

 

[GreiginFife]

 

[Mudball]

 

[Slime]

 

[Slime]

 

[Slime]

 

[bobmac]

Carrot in a box

 

[Slime]

https://twitter.com/x/status/1798771434631909764

 

[nickjdavis]