Blue in Munich
Crocked Professional Yeti Impersonator
Laughter - the best medicine
- Thread starter YandaB
- Start date
Slime
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Blue in Munich
Crocked Professional Yeti Impersonator
Slime
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A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away." The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," replied the vet.
"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever..
As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.
A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room..
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill.
"£150!" she cried, "£150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"
The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20. But with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now £150.
"Yes, I am sure. The duck is dead," replied the vet.
"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever..
As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room.
A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room..
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill.
"£150!" she cried, "£150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"
The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20. But with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now £150.
Norrin Radd
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Housemaid to lady of the house .
Madam I am wanting a pay rise and I have three reasons for this.
First is that I iron shirts better than you .
Lady replies, who told you that .
It was your husband madam.
Secondly I am a better cook than you .
And did my husband tell you this?
Yes madam he did and thirdly I am better between the sheets than you ,
The lady is fuming, did my husband tell you this as well,
No madam the gardener did.
Err how much were you thinking of
Madam I am wanting a pay rise and I have three reasons for this.
First is that I iron shirts better than you .
Lady replies, who told you that .
It was your husband madam.
Secondly I am a better cook than you .
And did my husband tell you this?
Yes madam he did and thirdly I am better between the sheets than you ,
The lady is fuming, did my husband tell you this as well,
No madam the gardener did.
Err how much were you thinking of
Slime
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spongebob59
Journeyman Pro
Slime
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Slime
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fundy
Ryder Cup Winner
Slime
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Norrin Radd
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My wife was trying to run me down in front of her friends saying that I was no good in bed ,lucky for me they all disagreed
Tashyboy
Please don’t ask to see my tatts 👍
Bittersweet announcement but after an amazing 2 years as an infectious disease expert I am moving on. I am now an expert in no-fly zones and Eastern European affairs. Excited to make the most of this new opportunity.
Pathetic Shark
Tour Rookie
The first rule of Vegan Fight Club is:
Tell Everyone you're a member of Vegan Fight Club.
Tell Everyone you're a member of Vegan Fight Club.
Slime
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there’s Middle Eastern millionaire going about buying up all the fish and chip shops in South East London. His name is Sultan Vinegar....
chico
Club Champion
In the barbershop today and a guy has come in saying he got his hair cut yesterday and his sideburns are different lengths. It's millimetres and the barber says to him could you not just evened them up when your shaving. He says he's paid for it and wants it fixed.
I couldn't help laughing I wonder people have the time for stuff like that.
I couldn't help laughing I wonder people have the time for stuff like that.
Smiffy
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ColchesterFC
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pompeybandit
Newbie
