An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to the local church for confession.
When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said: 'Father ... During World War II, a
beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic.'
The priest replied: 'That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that.'
'There is more to tell, Father... She started to repay me with sexual favours. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays.
The priest said, 'That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger. But two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven.'
'Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one more question.'
'And what is that?' asked the priest.
Bloke comes home from work, just in time to watch the World Cup quarter final between England and Germany.
Sits himself down in his chair, switches the telly on, and shouts to his wife, who's in the kitchen, "bring us a bottle of beer in before it starts luv".
His wife brings him a bottle of beer from the fridge.
He necks it down in record time, and shouts again "bring us another bottle of beer before it starts luv".
Wife stomps in with another bottle of beer, which he downs just as quickly as the first one.
"Bring us another bottle of beer in before it starts luv" she shouts again.
His wife storms in and starts ranting "if you want another effing beer, get it your effing self, I'm not your effing slave you ignorant pig".
"It's started" he sighs...