Laughter - the best medicine
- Thread starter YandaB
- Start date
williamalex1
Money List Winner
Imurg
The Grinder Of Pars (Semi Crocked)
He's going to have to do one of these every week....
Rooter
Money List Winner
They are genuinely brilliant!!
Imurg
The Grinder Of Pars (Semi Crocked)
It's the dour Scottish accent that makes it.....
AmandaJR
Money List Winner
His imagination is amazing and, owning two Labs, so accurate!! The one with the toy was so like our two. Barley just gets one to wind Daisy up and she won't cross him so watches intently for her chance to get it back as soon as he lets go. She is the younger, spoilt "child" for sure "I wanted that. That's mine, that's mine and that's mine too"!!
YandaB
Newbie
Also posted in Maninblack pitch and putt thread:
Imurg
The Grinder Of Pars (Semi Crocked)
Maninblack4612
Tour Winner
A long strip of tarmac walks into a pub and says to the barman, “I’m the A1. I’m ‘ard as nails! Give me a pint of bitter and make it quick”
The barman looks shocked and serves him a pint.
Another even bigger strip of tarmac walks in and says, “oi you! I’m the M1. I’m the biggest hardest road in the country. Give me a lager now!”
The barman is shaking, but serves the pint through tears of fear.
Then in walks a thin strip of tarmac and makes its way over to the bar.
The A1 and the M1 dive over the bar and bundle the barman to the floor literally shaking with terror.
“What’s the matter?” Says the barman.
“Shhh! Say the other two. “Keep your head down. He’s a cycle path!”
The barman looks shocked and serves him a pint.
Another even bigger strip of tarmac walks in and says, “oi you! I’m the M1. I’m the biggest hardest road in the country. Give me a lager now!”
The barman is shaking, but serves the pint through tears of fear.
Then in walks a thin strip of tarmac and makes its way over to the bar.
The A1 and the M1 dive over the bar and bundle the barman to the floor literally shaking with terror.
“What’s the matter?” Says the barman.
“Shhh! Say the other two. “Keep your head down. He’s a cycle path!”
Italian outcast
Hacker
williamalex1
Money List Winner
Boys from the ManinBlack Stuff, lol
AmandaJR
Money List Winner
This is funny! Her laughter is so infectious...
the story of Spank the Monkey made me chuckle but there's nothing worse than a big hairy beaver
Pathetic Shark
Tour Rookie
What's black and comes out of the ground swearing at everyone?
Crude oil.
Crude oil.
need_my_wedge
Has Now Found His Wedgie
Toss up with Hobbit's version....
Slime
Tour Winner
A distraught woman goes into a local hypnotherapist's office.
Sobbing, she explains, "I've been faithful to my husband for nearly twenty years,
but yesterday I had an affair. The guilt is eating me up.
I just want to forget that it ever happened."
The hypnotherapist shook his head and sighed, "Not again..."
Sobbing, she explains, "I've been faithful to my husband for nearly twenty years,
but yesterday I had an affair. The guilt is eating me up.
I just want to forget that it ever happened."
The hypnotherapist shook his head and sighed, "Not again..."
Slime
Tour Winner
Husband:
My wife is missing.
She went out yesterday and has not come home.
Sergeant at Police Station:
What is her height?
Husband:
Sorry, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall, maybe.
Sergeant:
Weight?
Husband:
Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.
Sergeant:
Colour of eyes?
Husband:
Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.
Sergeant:
Colour of hair?
Husband:
Changes a couple times a year.
Maybe dark brown now.
I can’t remember.
Sergeant:
What was she wearing?
Husband:
Could have been trousers, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.
Sergeant:
What kind of car did she go in?
Husband:
She went in my Porsche
Sergeant:
What kind of Porsche was it?
Husband: (sobbing)
Porsche 991.2 Carrera C4S 7 speed PDK
Ambient Lighting pack - Creats headrests. heated seats, Valcona leather - Lunar silver + super sport seats, 3 spoke heated sports leather multifunction steering wheel with paddle shift, LED Matrix headlights with high beam assist, Pearlescent paint, parking system plus with front and rear sensors, Audible and visual fasten seat belt warning - front and rear, Cruise control, Driver's information system, PCM Navigation, Mobile telephone preparation, PAS, Service interval indicator, 3 point seatbelts on all seats, ABS-EBD, ASR traction control, Curtain airbags, Driver and passenger airbags, Driver-front passenger side airbags, Electromechanical parking brake, Electronic stability control, Front passenger airbag deactivation, Hill hold assist, Tyre pressure monitoring system, Warning triangle and first aid kit, Anti theft alarm, Anti-theft wheel bolts, Immobiliser, Keyless Start, Remote central locking, Audi music interface, Auxiliary input socket, DAB digital radio module, CD player and bluetooth interface, SD card slot, USB connection, 12V power in rear centre console, 4 way electric lumbar support, 4 zone climate control, Aluminium door sill trims, Black alcantara headlining, Electric front seats + driver memory, Front centre armrest, Front head restraints, Front-rear floor mats, Height adjustable front seats, Isofix front passenger and rear seat preparation, Jack and tool kit, Load lashing points, Luggage compartment cover, Luggage rails, Perforated leather gearknob, Split folding rear seat, Auto dimming rear view mirror, Automatic headlights + automatic windscreen wipers, Body coloured bumpers, Body coloured door mirrors and handles, Body coloured roof spoiler, Door sill trims with Black badges. Electric front-rear windows, Headlight washers, High gloss black door mirrors, High gloss black finish B pillar, High gloss black triangular aperture at rear door, LED daytime running lights, LED rear lights, Light sensor, Platinum grey front lip spoiler, Privacy glass (to rear of B post), Rain sensor, Rear wiper, Alcantara door trim, Piano black finish inlay, Space saver spare wheel, Black Styling pack - Non smoking pack - Rain sensing wipers, gloss black alloys, PCCB, glass roof, colour coded xenon washer jets, red seat belts.
Sergeant:
Don't worry mate we’ll find it.
My wife is missing.
She went out yesterday and has not come home.
Sergeant at Police Station:
What is her height?
Husband:
Sorry, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall, maybe.
Sergeant:
Weight?
Husband:
Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.
Sergeant:
Colour of eyes?
Husband:
Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.
Sergeant:
Colour of hair?
Husband:
Changes a couple times a year.
Maybe dark brown now.
I can’t remember.
Sergeant:
What was she wearing?
Husband:
Could have been trousers, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.
Sergeant:
What kind of car did she go in?
Husband:
She went in my Porsche
Sergeant:
What kind of Porsche was it?
Husband: (sobbing)
Porsche 991.2 Carrera C4S 7 speed PDK
Ambient Lighting pack - Creats headrests. heated seats, Valcona leather - Lunar silver + super sport seats, 3 spoke heated sports leather multifunction steering wheel with paddle shift, LED Matrix headlights with high beam assist, Pearlescent paint, parking system plus with front and rear sensors, Audible and visual fasten seat belt warning - front and rear, Cruise control, Driver's information system, PCM Navigation, Mobile telephone preparation, PAS, Service interval indicator, 3 point seatbelts on all seats, ABS-EBD, ASR traction control, Curtain airbags, Driver and passenger airbags, Driver-front passenger side airbags, Electromechanical parking brake, Electronic stability control, Front passenger airbag deactivation, Hill hold assist, Tyre pressure monitoring system, Warning triangle and first aid kit, Anti theft alarm, Anti-theft wheel bolts, Immobiliser, Keyless Start, Remote central locking, Audi music interface, Auxiliary input socket, DAB digital radio module, CD player and bluetooth interface, SD card slot, USB connection, 12V power in rear centre console, 4 way electric lumbar support, 4 zone climate control, Aluminium door sill trims, Black alcantara headlining, Electric front seats + driver memory, Front centre armrest, Front head restraints, Front-rear floor mats, Height adjustable front seats, Isofix front passenger and rear seat preparation, Jack and tool kit, Load lashing points, Luggage compartment cover, Luggage rails, Perforated leather gearknob, Split folding rear seat, Auto dimming rear view mirror, Automatic headlights + automatic windscreen wipers, Body coloured bumpers, Body coloured door mirrors and handles, Body coloured roof spoiler, Door sill trims with Black badges. Electric front-rear windows, Headlight washers, High gloss black door mirrors, High gloss black finish B pillar, High gloss black triangular aperture at rear door, LED daytime running lights, LED rear lights, Light sensor, Platinum grey front lip spoiler, Privacy glass (to rear of B post), Rain sensor, Rear wiper, Alcantara door trim, Piano black finish inlay, Space saver spare wheel, Black Styling pack - Non smoking pack - Rain sensing wipers, gloss black alloys, PCCB, glass roof, colour coded xenon washer jets, red seat belts.
Sergeant:
Don't worry mate we’ll find it.
Pathetic Shark
Tour Rookie
If only the Covid-19 virus had broken out first in Vegas. After all what goes on there, stays there.
