Laughter - the best medicine

[Slime]

 

[Slime]

 

[Slime]

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly-behaved grandson.​

He has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits, all sorts of things.​

The grandad is saying in a controlled voice: "Easy, William, we won't be long . . . easy boy."​

Another outburst and she hears the grandad calmly say : "It's okay William. Just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."​

At the checkout the little horror is throwing items out of the trolley. Grandad says again in a controlled voice : "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes, stay cool William."​

Very impressed, she goes outside to where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car.​

​

She says : "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandad."

"Thanks," says the grandpa. "But I am William. The little bastard's name is Kevin."

 

[Slime]

The company that makes yardsticks will be making them no longer.

 

[Slime]

At my funeral, everyone will be handed a Taser.



Last one standing gets my car!

 

[Slime]

 

[jim8flog]

 

[Slime]

 

[Dellboy]

.

 

[Miller]

Spent a bit of time at the range today.

Managed to slice one ball so badly that it ended up falling into the ball basket of the next bay to me.

Not the one in front of me, but the one behind. Weirdly, the guy playing there didn’t seem in any way surprised and simply gave me my ball back.

 

[williamalex1]

Many years ago practicing at an almost completed range, I thinned one, it then hit a brick full force a few yards infront of me.
It ricochet back over the canopy above me and into the carpark behind.
I didn't ask if it hit any cars

 

[Mudball]

Spot the difference..

 

[Slime]

Wow, I've just seen my first herd of farmed liquorice !!

 

[williamalex1]

Looks more like a black pudding harvest .

 

[PhilTheFragger]

 

[Smiffy]

The Highways Agency found over 200 dead crows on the M5 near Exeter recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the ...bird's beaks and claws. By analysing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with lorrys, while only 2% were killed by cars.
The Agency then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills. The Ornithological Behaviourist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger. They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Lorry"

 

[SatchFan]

 

[jim8flog]

 

[Pants]

I cannot believe how rude the suppository helpline was…

 

[Miller]