Laughter - the best medicine

[Hobbit]

Not a joke as such but I've just laughed my socks at this bit of news that's just popped up.

Donald Trump has just "unfollowed" Piers Morgan for the comment that Trumps approach to Coronavirus is "bats*** crazy"

 

[Slime]

 

[SocketRocket]

 

[ColchesterFC]

Can @SiLH help at all?

 

[Blue in Munich]

That flute doesn't half sound like a recorder.

 

[Blue in Munich]

View attachment 30208

Anyone else look at the salesman & misread the word Cillit...

 

[williamalex1]

View attachment 30228

Can @SiLH help at all?

I can turn it back to water

 

[SocketRocket]

That flute doesn't half sound like a recorder.

Rubbish flute does ?

 

[bobmac]

View attachment 30228

Can @SiLH help at all?

John 2:1-11
Nearby stood six stone water jars, the kind used by the Jews for ceremonial washing, each holding from twenty to thirty gallons.

That should keep your friend going for a while, especially if he gets some loaves and fishes too.

 

[Slime]

 

[Crazyface]

True story time :-

The wife was doing a crossword yesterday "...golfer 5 and 5. Blank eye gee blank blank / blank blank oh dee blank...you know like Nigel something....."

Me ".....or maybe..........the best golfer you know in the world"

Oh yes we did laugh....a lot !!!!!!!!

 

[Dando]

 

[Old Skier]

 

[Slime]

 

[YandaB]

It is with great sadness that I have to mention the loss of a few local businesses as a result of Covid-19.

A local bra manufacturer has gone bust.
A submarine company has gone under.
A manufacturer of food blenders has gone into liquidation.
A dog-kennel has had to call in the retrievers.
A company supplying paper for origami enthusiasts has folded.
A local strip club has gone tits-up.
Inter-flora is pruning back its business.
Dyno-rod has gone down the drain.

The saddest report is that the ice-cream man has been found dead, covered in nuts and raspberry sauce.
He couldn't take any more and topped himself

 

[Mudball]

Some of the comments are gold dust.. Deport Patel claiming shoplifting is down - there are not many shops to loot at the moment

https://twitter.com/x/status/1254109644836003846

 

[ColchesterFC]

 

[Leftie]

I'm not sure how much longer I can cope with this Lockdown. Popped out this morning for my 'once-a-day' exercise. Left the house at 10 after a lovely lie-in on my Furlough pay. Just like early retirement really. I'm actually better off with 80% pay now I don't need to pay the bus and train fare. Don't know how I'm going to cope when I have to go back to work.

Anyway, thought I'd take the dog with me and let it run round the park Poor thing - he loves people and so many miserable so-and-sos shoed him away when he came up to them. He's only being friendly! We all know you can't catch the virus from animals!! Obviously you don't touch any objects like shopping trolleys etc as EVERYTHING can carry the virus, but obviously the virus can't attach itself to doghair. Derrr! That reminds me - must book Rex in for another grooming session. Luckily my doggie groomer is totally aware of the social distancing rules and even comes to my house to collect Rex! Saves me making an unnecessary journey. They don't come near me when I open the door of course. Rex is so well trained that he lets himself out the front door and jumps into the back of the van. He makes his own way home after his shampoo and set.

So, back to my exercise, I bumped into my friend Tracy in the park and we had a catch-up. We kept 2m apart of course, but even so there were morose old gits giving us daggers! What's their problem? Why can't they walk around us? We're only having a chat. Tracy said she could couldn't believe how many people were out and about! Bet they never went for walks at all before.

Anyway, I felt a bit peckish after my chinwag, so I popped into the takeaway for a burger. I waited at least 2m away from them behind the counter of course. So did my friend Cheryl, who also popped in for her lunch. We only had one fag each while we waited too, but some ignorant git had the cheek to roll his eyes as he walked into the road to avoid us! Cheryl said that smoking makes the lungs stronger anyway so WE won't need a ventilator if we catch it. Anyway, it was a lovely burger! I ate it in the sunshine on the bench in the High Street. Like being on holiday it was. I almost forgot we were in the middle of a pandemic. Lovely to catch a few rays as I enjoyed my second fag afterwards. I laughed to myself when I thought I could end up with a white bit round my mouth where my face mask was! I kept my plastic gloves on while I ate it of course - I'm very wary of touching my food with bare hands.

So, I thought I'd better pop back home then as I didn't want to get indigestion after exercising solidly for 3 hours now. I had only covered about half a mile but that was Tracy's fault for being a chatter box. Besides, my leggings were chafing a bit and my water bottle was very warm. I had only been home for an hour when I realized I was short of limes. Well, you can't do tequila slammers without limes, can you? So, complying with the rules, I popped out for my essential shopping trip. Honestly! The amount of traffic on the roads! Do these people not know WE ARE ON LOCKDOWN! And I had to queue for ages to even get into the store. What are all these people doing for goodness sake?

So, finally, here I am with my feet up trying to make the best of things during this awful time. Thank God for alcohol! It numbs the pain of isolation during Lockdown. I wish everyone would do their bit like me to observe the rules because then we might get back to normal sooner....Oh God, it's Thursday at 8pm...I need to go out and clap for the NHS heroes! I love that because I always clap louder than everyone else to show how much more I care. Anyway, it's also nice to have a little chat with the neighbours without anyone looking down their noses...

 

[Slime]

It's actually been a blessing being at home with the wife for the last few weeks.








We've caught up on everything I've done wrong in the last 30+ years!

 

[jim8flog]

I was going to post a video but it appears to have copy protection or is too big to upload .