Laughter - the best medicine
- Thread starter YandaB
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rulefan
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rulefan
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rulefan
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Slime
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Slime
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Slime
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I said to my doctor " I applied that hemorrhoid cream you gave me but I got a very nasty reaction"
"Where did you apply it?" he asked.
"On the bus", I replied.
"Where did you apply it?" he asked.
"On the bus", I replied.
SatchFan
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Smiffy
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PhilTheFragger
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Sounds like a Ronnie Barker / Barry Cryer classic ??
Mudball
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Just saw this advertising appear on top of my screen ... made me chuckle ..
Are we planning to leave the World Bank or IMF or something?
Are we planning to leave the World Bank or IMF or something?
Smiffy
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A professor was visiting East Anglia University giving a talk on the paranormal.
He stood in front of a packed auditorium and said "Today we will be talking about ghosts"...
About 150 students fell into hushed silence.
"Hands up all those that believe in ghosts" he said.
About 80 hands shot up.
"Great, it's good to see you are taking this seriously. Now hands up, all those that have actually seen a ghost"
About half the number of hands went back down again.
"This is good" he said. "Now hands up, all those that have actually talked to a ghost"
Most people put their hands down, but about 10 or so students left their hands up.
"Right, now we are getting somewhere" said the professor.
"Hands up those that have actually touched a ghost"
Most hands now went down, but three hands remained in the air, including a young local lads at the back of the room.
"OK" said the professor, "this one have always resulted in a blank, but I'll ask it anyway. Hands up, all those that have actually had sex with a ghost"
The only hand left up was the young lads at the back of the room.
"Well that's amazing" said the professor and gestured to the young lad to come down to the stage.
As the youngster arrived at the stage, the professor turned to him and said "Well son, that's the first time anybody has ever answered positively to my last question. Now please tell everybody else here what it was like having sex with a ghost"
The student looked embarrassed and then said "I'm sorry Sir, I was right at the back of the room and could hardly hear anything. I thought you said goats"
He stood in front of a packed auditorium and said "Today we will be talking about ghosts"...
About 150 students fell into hushed silence.
"Hands up all those that believe in ghosts" he said.
About 80 hands shot up.
"Great, it's good to see you are taking this seriously. Now hands up, all those that have actually seen a ghost"
About half the number of hands went back down again.
"This is good" he said. "Now hands up, all those that have actually talked to a ghost"
Most people put their hands down, but about 10 or so students left their hands up.
"Right, now we are getting somewhere" said the professor.
"Hands up those that have actually touched a ghost"
Most hands now went down, but three hands remained in the air, including a young local lads at the back of the room.
"OK" said the professor, "this one have always resulted in a blank, but I'll ask it anyway. Hands up, all those that have actually had sex with a ghost"
The only hand left up was the young lads at the back of the room.
"Well that's amazing" said the professor and gestured to the young lad to come down to the stage.
As the youngster arrived at the stage, the professor turned to him and said "Well son, that's the first time anybody has ever answered positively to my last question. Now please tell everybody else here what it was like having sex with a ghost"
The student looked embarrassed and then said "I'm sorry Sir, I was right at the back of the room and could hardly hear anything. I thought you said goats"
rulefan
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Two Diaries....
Husband and Wife recording things in their diaries:
Wife's Diary:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner.
I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.
Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much.
I asked him what was wrong; He said, "Nothing".
I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.
He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it
On the way home, I told him that I loved him.
He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behaviour. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.'
When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.
Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep; I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
Husband's Diary:
A five putt … who the hell five putts? !
Husband and Wife recording things in their diaries:
Wife's Diary:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner.
I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.
Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much.
I asked him what was wrong; He said, "Nothing".
I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.
He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it
On the way home, I told him that I loved him.
He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behaviour. I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.'
When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent.
Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep; I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
Husband's Diary:
A five putt … who the hell five putts? !
richart
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Chrisd ?
rulefan
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bobmac
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SatchFan
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Rory McIlroy
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Slime
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Slime
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I got an honours degree in calligraphy.
To be honest I don't think it's going to help me get a job, but it looks good on paper...
