joke

[drawboy]

a wife was giving her hubby a hard time. C'mon then, I want to know how many women have you been intimate with in your life. The husband somewhat reluctant to answer said Ok then lets see, and he counted 1,2,3,4,then you that's 5...6,7,8,9.

 

[Hendy]

Man rolls over in bed and grins at his wife. She says "Not tonight darling I've got a gynaechologists appoinment tomoorw and want to stay clean". The man rolls back feeling rejected... 5 mins later he rolls back over and asks "Do you have a dentist appoinment?"

 

[madandra]

I felt so sorry for the hypontist I saw last night. He had 7 men all hypnotised on the stage when he dropped his mic on his foot and yelled "F*** me" ....


What happened next will haunt me forever.

 

[Split_Fairway]

last one was the best by far...LOL!!!

 

[Hendy]

Why I'm divorced . . .

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning..

I went downstairs for breakfast
hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,
'Happy Birthday!',
and possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out,
she barely said good morning,
let alone
' Happy Birthday.'

I thought....

Well, that's marriage for you,
but the kids....
They will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast
and didn't say a word..
So when I left for the office,
I felt pretty low
and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office,
my secretary Jane said,
'Good Morning Boss,
and by the way
Happy Birthday ! '
It felt a little better
that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock ,
when Jane knocked on my door
and said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day outside,
and it is your Birthday,
what do you say we go out to lunch,
just you and me..'
I said, 'Thanks, Jane,
that's the greatest thing
I've heard all day.
Let's go !'

We went to lunch.
But we didn't go
where we normally would go.
She chose instead at a quiet bistro
with a private table.
We had two martinis each
and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office,
Jane said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day...
We don't need to go straight back to the office,
Do We ?'

I responded,
'I guess not.
What do you have in mind ?'
She said,
'Let's drop by my apartment,
it's just around the corner..'

After arriving at her apartment,
Jane turned to me and said,
' Boss, if you don't mind,
I'm going to step into the bedroom
for just a moment.
I'll be right back.'
'Ok.' I nervously replied .

She went into the bedroom and,
after a couple of minutes,
she came out
carrying a huge birthday cake ...
Followed
by my wife,
my kids,
and dozens of my friends
and co-workers,
all singing 'Happy Birthday'.


And I just sat there....

On the couch....

Naked.

 

[Paul_Stewart]

Kate Middleton is the first person to get her finger in Diana's ring since the coroner.

 

[MarkE]

Kate Middleton is the first person to get her finger in Diana's ring since the coroner.

Don't you just love a good joke? Unfortunately, that was'nt one of 'em

 

[clubchamp07]

Kate Middleton is the first person to get her finger in Diana's ring since the coroner.

I'll maybe find that funny, sometime.........on 2nd thoughts. maybe not.........

 

[Robobum]

Nan's well in her 90's, riddled with arthritis and half blind, but carries on regardless. Only yesterday she came out a shop struggling with her shopping and some huge black man took her bag and offered to help. Thinking he was robbing her, she just laid him out with one punch...

It's not really been Audley Harrison's week.