I just won the big one, its a millionaires life for me now!

[edgey]

Just finished sending a member of the Nigerian Royal Family 5 grand to fly to the UK. Apparently he has millions just lying around in the UK, but his government has frozen his accounts and he doesn't have the money to fly over here to claim it. As soon as he lands we're going to go to the bank and split everything 50/50. I just told my boss I'm now a millionaire and that they can stick their stinking job where the sun dont shine. I have been into American golf and ordered my new Raptures. Good thing I checked my email today!

 

[stevek1969]

Superb, has he any relatives needing to come over ?

 

[User 105]

That's great news.

I myself won the lottery 5 times yesterday, and have done each day for about the past year.

If I ever get around to claiming it I would have thought I'd be the richest man on the planet.

Making me "Considerably Richer than You" (one for the Harry Enfield fans)

I just can't believe my luck sometimes.

 

[pitchperfect]

That's nothing. I was doing some research into my family tree not long ago and realised I was directly related to the royal house of Windsor. Learning this, I called the Queen's private secretary who, upon learning my identity, put me straight through her Her Majesty.

We had a nice chat. She was overjoyed to hear I was from a humble background in the Midlands, as she was disillusioned with her blue-blooded, fuedal clan, who still use terms like the 'lower orders' and the 'great unwashed'. As a result, she decreed that the throne of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and all royal assets should not go to her son but instead to me. She said It was time to hand power back to the people. I was really touched by the gesture.

So now, after flogging the Duchy of Lancaster for an obscene sum, I've finally managed to pay off my Visa. Now that's what you call a royal flush!

 

[drawboy]

Fantastic news, enjoy your money, Iv'e just found out i'm through to the next round of the readers digest prize draw Yippee!!

 

[AndrewG]

Thats nowt - I can basically have anything I want just by wishing - and all I've got to do is forward this email with the angel in it to 10 people in my address book... My first wish is to not get that computer virus that will literally wipe my entire C:\ drive... Phew!

 

[haplesshacker]

I'm loving the humour in this thread. Just a shame I haven't got anything to add to it just yet!

 

[viscount17]

That's nothing. I was doing some research into my family tree not long ago and realised I was directly related to the royal house of Windsor. Learning this, I called the Queen's private secretary who, upon learning my identity, put me straight through her Her Majesty.

We had a nice chat. She was overjoyed to hear I was from a humble background in the Midlands, as she was disillusioned with her blue-blooded, fuedal clan, who still use terms like the 'lower orders' and the 'great unwashed'. As a result, she decreed that the throne of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and all royal assets should not go to her son but instead to me. She said It was time to hand power back to the people. I was really touched by the gesture.

So now, after flogging the Duchy of Lancaster for an obscene sum, I've finally managed to pay off my Visa. Now that's what you call a royal flush!

parvenu interloper, it's not hers to give.

I'm directly related to Harold who didn't die at Hastings.

My evidence, for those that have a copy of the Bayeaux Tapestry, turn to the very last tableau (for those that haven't get thee to Bayeaux). Have a look at the top right corner. If that's not a chap legging it out of there with an arrow in his head, I'm Tiger Woods.
Being that (1) his body was supposedly only identified by his wife (funny that as he'd been a member of William's court and they all knew him) and (2) the tapestry was stitched by Harold's women, they would have covered his tracks.

The family has just been waiting for Arthur's lot to find the sword he carelessly lost. (All he ever does is complain about the noise - I mean 4 days once a year isn't much!)

On that day I claim my heritage, the whole of England, the whole of Normandy and the interesting bits of Brittany.
Scotland, Northern Ireland, Wales, the Isle of Man and the Isle of Wight are up for grabs, though some of these you need to fight the Vikings for.

 

[Leftie]

I always thought that there was something "right royal" about you Steve. Maybe it was something to do with wearing braces with your waterproof trousers ......

 

[pitchperfect]

Actually, the Duchy of Lancaster is hers. Unlike most other royal assets that belong to the Crown, the Duchy is a private inheritence and not on the Civil List. Because the boundries between private- and Crown-owned property have become muddy over the centuries, it is sometimes unclear as to who owns what. But not in this case.

 

[Atticus_Finch]

This must be the luckiest forum ever.
I myself today have just scratched off a scratch card I received in the paper and wouldn't you just know that I matched 3 symbols!
All I need to do now is phone the number on the back to claim my prize.
The best bit is that it only costs me £9.

 

[Adrena1in]

I had a brilliantly lucky moment earlier today, when I found 5p on the floor. This, added to the 30p in my pocket, meant I could now afford a 35p Frothy Cappucino from the vending machine downstairs.

Seriously!

 

[viscount17]

35p (shocked!) ours are 19p (but you provide your own froth!)

 

[drawboy]

Whilst we are on the money theme does anyone know when the DFS sale ends? as my missus is after a new sofa and I wouldn't want to turn up at DFS and pay full price.

 

[bobmac]

Whilst we are on the money theme does anyone know when the DFS sale ends? as my missus is after a new sofa and I wouldn't want to turn up at DFS and pay full price.

30th of November 2014

 

[bobmac]

Whilst we are on the money theme does anyone know when the DFS sale ends? as my missus is after a new sofa and I wouldn't want to turn up at DFS and pay full price.

30th of November 2014

Just to make sure, call the local DFS branch at Birstall retail park on 01924 424617. They should know.

 

[drawboy]

Thank god I did ring as they told me the summer sale ends sunday at 5 o clock. Luckily the winter sale starts monday at 9am.

 

[User 105]

Closely followed by this years 'closing down' sale

 

[John_Findlay]

All this luck you guys are having is nothing. I've been walking around Edinburgh for the last 3 years and haven't been run down by a tram yet. Am I lucky or what?

 

[drawboy]

how about this one, I found 5 euros on a sun lounger on holiday this year (wont say where I went in case anyone claims it) and used it to tip the maid at the end of the holiday. Result or what!