Golfer2112
Assistant Pro
These have been done before but may be new to some readers:
Golf Quotes
Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69."
Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."
Warning: non-golf-related stuff begins now
David Coleman
• "And here's Moses Kiptanui - the 19 year old Kenyan, who turned 20 a few weeks ago"
• "He's 31 this year - last year he was 30."
• "There's going to be a real ding-dong when the bell goes."
• "There is Brendan Foster, by himself, with 20,000 people"
• "She's not Ben Johnson - but then who is?"
• "That's the fastest time ever run - but it's not as fast as the world record. "
• "For those of you watching who do not have television sets, live commentary is on Radio 2!"
Kevin Keegan
• "The good news for Nigeria is that they're two-nil down very early in the game"
• "Batistuta is very good at pulling off defenders"
• "Mark Hughes at his very best: he loves to feel people right behind him..."
• "Gary always weighed up his options, especially when he had no choice."
• "Sometimes there are too many generals and not enough, er, people waving to the generals as they, er, walk past."
Murray Walker (The legend)
• "We now have exactly the same situation as we had at the start of the race, only exactly the opposite"
• "Prost can see Mansell in his earphones!"
• "The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical"
• "Just under 10 seconds for Nigel Mansel. Call it 9.5 seconds in round numbers"
• "Tambay's hopes, which were previously nil, are now absolutely zero."
• "The atmosphere is so tense you could cut it with a cricket stump!"
• "The lead is now 6.9 seconds - in fact it is just under 7 seconds!"
• "This is the last penultimate lap but one."
• "There is nothing wrong with the car except that it's on fire."
• "...and he's lost both right front tyres."
• "You're watching Ralf Schumacher, son of Michael Schumacher. Now the boot is on the other Schumacher!"
• "I don't make mistakes. I make prophecies - which immediately turn out to be wrong."
• "With the race half gone there is half the race still to go."
• "I imagine that the conditions in those cars are totally unimaginable."
• "And its Go! Go! Go! for the British Grand Prix here at Brands Hatch!" James Hunt - "Erm... it's Silverstone, Murray."
From the World Cycling Championships:
• "It will come as no surprise to anyone if they spring a complete surprise on us!"
• "These cyclists are playing chess with each other. They are shuffling the cards even as we speak!"
Miscellaneous
• "That's great, tell him he's Pele and get him back on." - John Lambie, Partick Thistle manager, when told a concussed striker did not know who he was.
• "I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable." - Paul Gascoigne
• "There's no in between - you're either good or bad. We were in between." - Gary Lineker
• "It was that game that put the Everton ship back on the road." - Alan Green
• "In terms of the Richter Scale this defeat was a force eight gale." - John Lyall
• "I never make predictions and I never will." (PAUL GASCOIGNE)
Rude
• Michael Buerk watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's eclipse coverage remarked: "They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's come in his shorts."
• Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."
• "This is Grigorieva from Bulgaria - I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing." (Pat Glenn - Weightlifting commentator)
• The new stand at Doncaster race course took Brough Scott's breath away. "My word, look at that magnificent erection."
• Willie Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big race when he said: "They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from different positions."
• Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team Live said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."
Golf Quotes
Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69."
Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."
Warning: non-golf-related stuff begins now
David Coleman
• "And here's Moses Kiptanui - the 19 year old Kenyan, who turned 20 a few weeks ago"
• "He's 31 this year - last year he was 30."
• "There's going to be a real ding-dong when the bell goes."
• "There is Brendan Foster, by himself, with 20,000 people"
• "She's not Ben Johnson - but then who is?"
• "That's the fastest time ever run - but it's not as fast as the world record. "
• "For those of you watching who do not have television sets, live commentary is on Radio 2!"
Kevin Keegan
• "The good news for Nigeria is that they're two-nil down very early in the game"
• "Batistuta is very good at pulling off defenders"
• "Mark Hughes at his very best: he loves to feel people right behind him..."
• "Gary always weighed up his options, especially when he had no choice."
• "Sometimes there are too many generals and not enough, er, people waving to the generals as they, er, walk past."
Murray Walker (The legend)
• "We now have exactly the same situation as we had at the start of the race, only exactly the opposite"
• "Prost can see Mansell in his earphones!"
• "The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical"
• "Just under 10 seconds for Nigel Mansel. Call it 9.5 seconds in round numbers"
• "Tambay's hopes, which were previously nil, are now absolutely zero."
• "The atmosphere is so tense you could cut it with a cricket stump!"
• "The lead is now 6.9 seconds - in fact it is just under 7 seconds!"
• "This is the last penultimate lap but one."
• "There is nothing wrong with the car except that it's on fire."
• "...and he's lost both right front tyres."
• "You're watching Ralf Schumacher, son of Michael Schumacher. Now the boot is on the other Schumacher!"
• "I don't make mistakes. I make prophecies - which immediately turn out to be wrong."
• "With the race half gone there is half the race still to go."
• "I imagine that the conditions in those cars are totally unimaginable."
• "And its Go! Go! Go! for the British Grand Prix here at Brands Hatch!" James Hunt - "Erm... it's Silverstone, Murray."
From the World Cycling Championships:
• "It will come as no surprise to anyone if they spring a complete surprise on us!"
• "These cyclists are playing chess with each other. They are shuffling the cards even as we speak!"
Miscellaneous
• "That's great, tell him he's Pele and get him back on." - John Lambie, Partick Thistle manager, when told a concussed striker did not know who he was.
• "I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable." - Paul Gascoigne
• "There's no in between - you're either good or bad. We were in between." - Gary Lineker
• "It was that game that put the Everton ship back on the road." - Alan Green
• "In terms of the Richter Scale this defeat was a force eight gale." - John Lyall
• "I never make predictions and I never will." (PAUL GASCOIGNE)
Rude
• Michael Buerk watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's eclipse coverage remarked: "They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's come in his shorts."
• Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."
• "This is Grigorieva from Bulgaria - I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing." (Pat Glenn - Weightlifting commentator)
• The new stand at Doncaster race course took Brough Scott's breath away. "My word, look at that magnificent erection."
• Willie Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big race when he said: "They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from different positions."
• Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team Live said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."
