Depression

[turkish]

I know this probably not the medium to get too personal so will keep it vague just wondering how others have dealt with similar situations....

I have a close family member suffering from crippling depression (won’t get out of bed past 2 days).... they are really a closed book however so they won’t open up or talk to anyone, nor will they see any specialist or doctor to open up about it. I spoke to Samaritans and they have said just to try keep speaking to them with open ended questions, no judgement etc

Any advice greatly appreciated

 

[User20204]

As someone who has been there all I can say is don't give up on them, they will never ask for help but inwardly always be wanting it. Trying to get them to do things they enjoy will help, also, exercise of any kind is good, almost to the point where dragging them out the house to go for a walk is good. I can recall it took me 4 days to open the blinds in the house, sat and stared at them, just couldn't bring myself to get up and open them.

The Samaritans is very good advice, just don't expect them to help themselves, it is so incredibly difficult as motivation is zero, quite frankly, those around the individual have to be a PITA and not give up on them.

 

[Stegsie]

I’ve been there and it’s honestly hell on earth. Medication saved me - and still does to this day.
Urge them to see a GP and get medicated. It’s a tough choice - I tried counselling and therapy for years before I final had my little breakdown. Medication is the only way forward (IMO) once it gets that bad.
Once they start to function again then they can start to come off the tablets (always under GPs advice, however!)

Hope it all works out ok.

 

[HomerJSimpson]

HID suffered for years to the point of self-harm. Managed to get referred to local mental health team and they did some great work and touch wood she is out the other side as much as you can be with depression. For me I feel it's like issues with alcohol (which I know) where you can get a control on it but it never really ever goes away. Her new job in a school has been superb for her and I haven't seen her so happy and engaged in decades. It is very much hit and miss getting the right help and she was lucky to get sent to the mental health team before things spiralled further and was happy to engage and seek help. In cases like the OP though I think it'll be a slower process. While the Samaritans can help from a general perspective you just have to be encouraging and persuasive for the person to want to seek help. Until they make that first move it is incredibly difficult for anyone to help further

 

[Hobbit]

Don't give up on them. Its all about providing support without being pushy. Don't back them into a corner, even with simple things like I'm doing you a bowl of soup. Do one for yourself but leave enough for them. Pick a nice smelly soup. If you're doing a meal and they say no, tell them you've put a plate to one side if they change their mind. Again, hopefully, the smell will tickle their more basic instincts.

Get expert advice and support for yourself to support them, and make time for yourself - its draining looking after someone that has depression.

Talk about your day, but not in detail.

Be prepared for anger, don't confront it but don't dismiss it either. Learn your own coping mechanisms for those situations, e.g. "I see what you mean. Have you thought about...?"

Good luck.

 

[GB72]

I was persuaded to get help. Plenty of therapy sessions helped me.

 

[Dando]

I refused to get help for months but seeing the doctor, was the best decision I ever made. I still have bad days and dark thoughts but I am learning to recognise the triggers to those thoughts and doing something to take my mind away from them

 

[Slime]

Been there, done that. It got to the point where I just didn't want to get any better.
I was happy bathing in self pity at the bottom of the black hole I felt I was in, I actually wanted people to despise me because that would feed my craving for self pity. Looking back it all seems rather pathetic .......................... but at the time, it isn't!
I was forced to see a doctor .......................... BOOM. The first step on the (long) road to recovery.
I was put on Prozac, came off too early, went back on for a fair while longer and am now better.
Going to a good doctor allowed me to actually start looking forward, and, for me, that was vital.
You MUST, MUST, MUST get them to a doctor or get a doctor to them.
Only then can they start to see a way out of the mess they see their self currently in.
Good luck and keep us posted.
It may just help someone else, too.

 

[IanM]

From personal experience....they must see the GP.... even if it means getting the GP to visit. Avoid well meant advice and positive noises about good things in their life.

Just be there....

 

[chrisd]

A sort of friend suffers badly with it and I only realised how it affects people after chatting with him. I also rather thought it was an excuse by people of maybe lower intelligence but how wrong I was, he is in his own way a very intelligent, very successful businessman with plenty of money and yet he is only just coming out of his most recent, and worse spell and it's awful to hear how black the mood and world seems to him.

I've learned a lot and know how mistaken I've been in judgement of this matter!

 

[Hobbit]

From personal experience....they must see the GP.... even if it means getting the GP to visit. Avoid well meant advice and positive noises about good things in their life.

Just be there....

What he says. You have to involve experts. Following a serious accident, I had PTSD very badly. Drugs and counselling is a must, especially the counselling. Without either the problem won't go away. My, "oh my god I must get help," was triggered by standing on a cliff edge at 3.30 in the morning thinking I can make the problem go away by jumping. The thought of what it would do to my children stopped me.

 

[Deleted member 15344]

I have suffered with it multiple times over my life , as a youngster but didn’t realise it and three times as an adult over the years , people got very scared of it and really didn’t know how to react to the point I lost friends because of it.

So the best thing you can do is to make sure he knows you are there and to gently find a way to get him to a GP or even a GP or Health visitor to him - getting help and speaking to a professional is massive to helping someone get over it or being able to learn to deal with it

It’s great that the stigma I faced is starting to go away

 

[jim8flog]

From experience, if you can persuade them - medication goes a long way to overcoming the immediate problem - lethargy etc

Without a clinical diagnosis it my be a problem to sort out if it is depression or something like ME

However only therapy may sort out the underlying cause.

 

[Kellfire]

From experience, if you can persuade them - medication goes a long way to overcoming the immediate problem - lethargy etc

Without a clinical diagnosis it my be a problem to sort out if it is depression or something like ME

However only therapy may sort out the underlying cause.

Not always true. The cause could simply be imbalances in neurotransmitters which can be corrected by drugs.

 

[turkish]

Thanks everyone for the advice it’s much appreciated. I don’t stay with the person so some things difficult but I’ll just keep trying my best to help and be there.

 

[full_throttle]

It's tough, and the hardest thing is admitting there is a problem, too easy to just reply with 'I'm fine' when asked. I struggle most days, fortunately I'm coping and with help from the doctor there is light at the end of the tunnel

 

[User20204]

Really interesting replies on how to deal with it and how many have had it, the secret killer eh. I refused medication through fear of being reliant on it, I did however go to counselling, first session was fine, the day of my second session my Father was found dead, that was the end of the counselling.

Don't give up on them..

This for me is soo important, it's the east thing to just say, oh well please yourself but that is their mindset, they will brush you off, leaving them be is absolutely the wrong thing to do.

 

[simonm8]

Like most people have said don't give up on them, and although it may be easy to say things that you might think are good and praising them, it can make things worse..

I have suffered numerous times during my childhood and as a now 38Yr adult.. Self harm, attempted suicide etc.. I still battle my demons.. But I know I have a very understanding Wife & Family.... She knows when I'm having a bad period, and reacts..

As much as everyone around me was trying to go on the positives like a great Wife, 2 lovely kids, a good well respected job in a school..... I could never see this I saw it as I was a burden, the kids deserved a better person, the wife should have a better man in her life etc.. When you are that way you struggle to see good in anything.. They need to see a GP and need to speak to professionals before it gets worse..

Getting them to open up about what is causing the problem is a massive difficult step, but once they do then good people around them can help..

 

[clubchamp98]

Programme on tonight about this 9pm.
Hope it helps.

 

[Doh]

Not read all the posts in detail but have you been advised to speak to the persons GP they might do a visit if they are worth their salt. If they have been expressing morbid thoughts you definatly need to let the GP know.