That explains it, playing partner is actually insane

[Curls]

I have so nearly come on here many times to ask folks advice about what to do about my playing partner. He's a bad tempered little whiner when he plays badly, which is a lot this year. And I don't just mean club-throwing or foul language, which I'm sure plenty on here will confess to, but his attitude stinks and he tries to drag me down with him, quite often succeeding. I won't go into the details, and if you think I'm being harsh then I can only say that if anyone from the committee followed him for a few holes of bad play he would be asked to leave the club, and if you played with someone who wished you bad luck and spat fire at your good luck or play you'd get sick of it pretty quick. Anyway I'm stuck with him cos I work with him in a small company and he's the only person I know who plays golf.
But this weekend one of his brothers visited and we played a friendly game. With no card in his hand he was relaxed and played well, and suddenly it was clear, he said "I'm glad our other brother isn't here, he'd be throwing his club and swearing, its so distracting".
So there it is. He's a lunatic. He has no self-awareness at all, if I behaved like he did even once I'd be ashamed, he does it regularly and doesn't even realise it. At least now I know and can stop wondering what I can do to help turn his game around when the wheels come off, and if there's anyone on here who has a similar problem then hopefully this could be your answer too. Rant over

 

[GreiginFife]

Sorry but working together or not I would dump him. I would rather play on my own than have someone like that playing along side me.

My playing partner is also a colleague but at the same time is my friend, I would have no concerns about telling him if he was out of line and would expect the same of him if I was.

If you feel that you can't tell him he's being an arse then I would strongly recommend ditching him and dealing with the fall out rather than continue to play along side him and see your game suffer in the long run.

 

[Alex1975]

You have to talk to him about it, if you have to stick with him you must!!

 

[chrisd]

Whats the point in playing if this donut is going to ruin your enjoyment? You have to tell him or dump him (or both) or you will give up the game. Off 12 you play a decent game and anyone at any club would play with you so, in my opinion, go find a club and enjoy playing and ditch the idiot

 

[Patrick57]

So there it is. He's a lunatic. He has no self-awareness at all, if I behaved like he did even once I'd be ashamed, he does it regularly and doesn't even realise it. At least now I know and can stop wondering what I can do to help turn his game around when the wheels come off, and if there's anyone on here who has a similar problem then hopefully this could be your answer too. Rant over

I would guess this guy's personality is not much different in the other parts of his life. There's no other sport that brings out a person's true ego like the gem o' gowf. I feel sorry for you because you have to work with him and also because you feel the need to play with the same jerk.

 

[Curls]

Thanks chaps, I've been trying to think of a diplomatic way for ages and failing, our company is 8-strong, the 4 younger ones of us socialise together as it's a small town too, the fall out of giving him an ear full would be too far-reaching for everyone in the group not just me. I definitely struggle to maintain focus when he's off on one, and its tough rolling in a good birdie only to have the other person shake his head in anger.

After Saturday though I think I can repeat his own words and see if that has an effect. Jokingly say "Jeez Im glad Phils not here, he'd be throwing clubs and swearing, its distracting to play with". He's got a temper like thunder though and it won't go down well at the time but hopefully when the mist clears he'll realise the error of his ways.

But probably not. Like I said, complete lack of self-awareness. Looking forward to the club championships, we go off in handicap order so I won't have to play with him!

 

[Alex1975]

Can you not have a quiet pint and chat. He should not be upset if you play well.... that's just silly. I always want to beat my playing partners but I am a lover of golf so if its being played well I can only applaud it... Something has to give though as its sounds like you are stuck in something that's not as good as it could be.

 

[bladeplayer]

So me old mucker you work hard , pay your subs , pay your comp fees , & you think for some misguided illusion you should put up with this idiot ruining your past time ?
ARE YA AVING A LAUF ???
Stick your name down at a different time & find others to play with , i knew nobody in the last club i joined , used to just stick my name down & play , met some guys we played a few round , then we played a few team things together & over a bit of time you will find people of the same charachter as yourself & your laughing ..
Im glad to say 3 of the guys i met at the old club have become lifelong friends..
You are going to realise in the club champs how playing partners should behave , youd be mad to go back ..
Lifes too short enjoy your past time to the full ..

 

[Curls]

Dear Deirdres (this really is starting to sound like relationship advice, I guess that's what it is!), I know exactly what you're saying. Its my first year at the club and I've played with other folk at the club in matchplay who have invited me along to spin-ups etc but the awkwardness of ditching this guy to play with others would be incredible. Like I say, there's not just me to think about, the 4 of us car share, thats 2 hours every day we're all together, and though Ive made my own friends since moving here in a small town you're socialising with your colleagues too. If I ditch him and start golfing on my own its going to get mega-awkward, cant imagine telling him Im playing on my own. He's not that bad a bloke, social golf he's fine, but put a card in his hand and a couple of bad scores together and its meltdown. I know what you guys are getting at but you can see my problem, I've tried putting it diplomatically on the course but he obviously has selective memory. If the reference to his brother doesn't hit home I might try the pint and a sit down approach after the next episode, cringing just thinking about it, he's 29 I shouldn't have to tell him he's acting like a baby! Thanks chaps

 

[North Mimms]

You have the patience of a saint!

If you really can't ditch him, wait until he is playing well and so not being a plonker. Then remind him what he said about other brother, then tell him "that's you, only you are worse"

 

[louise_a]

Why not suggest that you both play with other players, put a positiver spin on it "maybe it will improve our game, playing with a stranger" for example.

 

[Jay Nause]

If your insured , "accidentally" knock his head off with a one iron

doesnt help i know , nice thought though ?

 

[Stu M]

lets hope he doesnt use this forum or it could be murder on the golf course

 

[Alex1975]

lets hope he doesnt use this forum or it could be murder on the golf course

Hope he does, then he may learn how to behave and react like a sportsman.... and how his friend is very loyal to him!

 

[Curls]

Thanks folks, can't help thinking in terms of "maybe we should see other people" and "its not you, its me".



Won't be murdering him either, apart from anything else I'm about 5'8 and he's 6'4. He doesn't use the forum, thankfully, I feel bad speaking about him this way to be honest but its been good therapy to sound it out and hear your reactions. Not that I thought it was ever okay, just that you guys might have similar crosses to bear! Thanks all

 

[Region3]

If you work and socialise with him then you must be fairly pal-ly with him.

If I were in your shoes, somewhere away from the golf course, I'd say...
"Remember what you said about your brother last week?
You do know that you do that as well don't you?"

 

[pbrown7582]

If your insured , "accidentally" knock his head off with a one iron

doesnt help i know , nice thought though ?

Think there's a bit of a problem with this idea!......














...... Where do you find a 1 iron these days?

 

[JustOne]

Thanks folks, can't help thinking in terms of "maybe we should see other people" and "its not you, its me".

LOL, tell him that he clearly can't play with you anymore as you can see how much it upsets him!
:thup::thup:

 

[kinhell]

I have a similar problem but probably not as bad. My playing partner has a rare tantrum and trows his club but when his 28 yr old son plays he really loses it after a few bad shots. The only way is to video him and show him what he's like afterwards. He might suddenly realise what an idiot he looks.

 

[daymond]

Kinhell, I was about to sugest taping him but I agree a video with sound would be better.
Curts. When he acts badly why don't you immediately say 'that is out of order' or something similar (or stronger). Do it often enough and he may reform. If he does not you had better post again sometime for our views.