Sexist Jokes and Comments

[Deleted member 18645]

Your name vill go in my little black book ........................

Most people would have an electronic one now which shows what an old fart you are

 

[Bunkermagnet]

Most people would have an electronic one now which shows what an old fart you are

I think you mean "cloud" now

 

[chrisd]

Oh the options here, "My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives"

Prose like that from someone from Newcastle, which book did it come from 😁😁?

 

[bobmac]

Next person on the forum to refer to me in a disparaging way about my age and health is going to get reported as I've decided to join the PC and Easily Offended Brigade.

You'll have to let us know on a scale of 1-10 how offended you were, and how long you were offended before you got on with your life

 

[chrisd]

Most people would have an electronic one now which shows what an old fart you are

Is that why it's got a plug on it?

 

[Old Skier]

Your name vill go in my little black book ........................

Do you keep it tucked in the top of your black suspenders.

 

[Khamelion]

Prose like that from someone from Newcastle, which book did it come from 😁😁?

"My mind is aglow with whirling, transient nodes of thought careening through a cosmic vapor of invention", but I'll stick with the simple, for elderly and easily confused.

It's after 4 o'clock, see the little hand on the 4 and the big hand just gone past the 12, on that round thing on the wall, yes Chris that's a clock, no it's doesn't need sand, or winding up, it uses batteries, anyway, as I wrote it's after 4, so time for your cocoa and bed.

 

[Slime]

Cheeses.... no one gets offended by a cheese joke. (I hope)

Ah, but what about the baby cheeses jokes, that can upset the religious amongst us?

 

[Bunkermagnet]

"My mind is aglow with whirling, transient nodes of thought careening through a cosmic vapor of invention", but I'll stick with the simple, for elderly and easily confused.

It's after 4 o'clock, see the little hand on the 4 and the big hand just gone past the 12, on that round thing on the wall, yes Chris that's a clock, no it's doesn't need sand, or winding up, it uses batteries, anyway, as I wrote it's after 4, so time for your cocoa and bed.

Didn't think those in the North East could afford a clock in each house

 

[chrisd]

"My mind is aglow with whirling, transient nodes of thought careening through a cosmic vapor of invention", but I'll stick with the simple, for elderly and easily confused.

It's after 4 o'clock, see the little hand on the 4 and the big hand just gone past the 12, on that round thing on the wall, yes Chris that's a clock, no it's doesn't need sand, or winding up, it uses batteries, anyway, as I wrote it's after 4, so time for your cocoa and bed.

Git! You know if I go to bed at 4pm I have at least 12 wee's and at least 7 of them I get out of bed for 🤐

 

[Bunkermagnet]

Git! You know if I go to bed at 4pm I have at least 12 wee's and at least 7 of them I get out of bed for 蘿

And how many after 10pm if you've gone to bed at 4

 

[chrisd]

And how many after 10pm if you've gone to bed at 4

Is this a GCE exam?

 

[Bunkermagnet]

Is this a GCE exam?

Depends if you cant how many wee's you've been for

 

[Hobbit]

Git! You know if I go to bed at 4pm I have at least 12 wee's and at least 7 of them I get out of bed for 蘿

You had your catheter taken out?

 

[chrisd]

You had your catheter taken out?

I wanted to take her out, put my hand on her knee and now I'm in all sorts of bother 😂

 

[Deleted Member 1156]

Is this a GCE exam?

I hope not because I doubt you can spell GCE

 

[chrisd]

I hope not because I doubt you can spell GCE

I can spell it but unlike water I can't pass it 🤣

 

[Deleted member 21784]

I work in a room that is very "squaddie" or "black" humour. have to know whos in the room sometimes with new people joining the team but we are a family and we are an effective team

 

[Deleted member 18645]

My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives"

DITTO

 

[Bruce Miller]

Laughter has a way of opening doors and making people receptive: Two doctors who studied geriatrics were watching an old man hobbling down the sidewalk outside and noticed he was going very slow with his legs spread apart, and he was hardly bending his knees.

The first doctor said, “Looks like a serious orthopedic gait disorder. He’s probably exhibiting early stages of Parkinsonism.”

The other doctor didn’t agree. “No, I suspect it’s just arthritis. But he may be suffering from the adverse effects of medications due to polypharmacy including perhaps sedatives.”

“I still believe it’s probably Parkinsonism. He is walking too slow, and his legs are jiggling a bit and too far apart,” said the first doctor.

“But, it may be due to adverse effects from too many medications,” said the other doc.

“Perhaps, but I’ll bet you a lunch on my analysis. Let’s go politely ask him to see whose analysis is the closest to his condition.”

They approached the old man and said, “Please excuse us, sir. We are geriatric doctors and do research and noticed your slow tedious and careful walk. We couldn’t agree on possible causes of your condition. Would you mind sharing with us what condition you have?”

The old man replied, “I’ll tell you what is wrong with me, but I would like to hear your thoughts first. Then, I’ll tell you if you are correct or not.”

The first doctor said, “I believe you may be suffering from the early stages of Parkinson’s disease. Or, a problem with your central nervous system?”

“Sorry, but you have guessed wrong,” said the old man.

The second doctor said, “I believe it’s probably just arthritis you suffer from? Or, perhaps adverse effects from medications?”

“Sorry, but you have guessed wrong also.”

“Well sir, please tell what condition you have?”

The old man smiled, “I suspected I was going to fart…but I guessed wrong too.”



“Life is very short, so break your silly egos, forgive quickly, believe slowly, love truly, laugh loudly and don’t avoid things that make you smile.” – Ovilia

Joke is from TeamGolfwell's Absolutely Hilarious Adult Golf Joke Book https://forums.golf-monthly.co.uk/threads/sexist-jokes-and-comments.94695/