New Father Tips

[Reemul]

Another thing we did was ensure no single parent was the dominant one. We shared everything except the breast feeding. My boys never pick one over the other and view us as the same. we work very hard to never undermine each other and ensure we are both singing from the same hymn sheet. We also had the same with family who looked after them when the wife went back to work.

We have never had major behaviour issues (of course they can be naughty) as the message is the same all over, good , stable, loving guidelines that we stick to.

We have a few friends who have kids and one of the parents has little or no say and has a tendency to be ignored or they just ask the other parent until they get their own way.

Don't undermine each other, it is tough at first but working together makes it a hell of a lot easier in the short and long term.

 

[hovis]

I always find the sleep thing funny. Those that have kids that sleep think those that don't are stupid and doing things wrong and those that have kids that won't sleep realise those that have ones that do have no idea what it is like.

I have 2 boys one aged 10 and the other 6.

My eldest dropped his 2 hour day sleep at 6 months old and never slept through the day again. He also never slept through the night once until he was 6. Even now he doesn't sleep that well. He goes to bed between 7.30pm and 8pm and gets to read for 30 minutes. He normally falls asleep by 9.15-10pm. He wakes up at 6am every day the same as he has done since he was a baby. When he was a baby you got 3 hours before he woke up until he was 6 after that he would only wake up once or twice a night until he was about 8. It was hell for a while.

My youngest who is 6 goes to bed at 7.30pm and sleeps until 7am every day no issues ever. Never wakes up, was out of nappies at night by 3 unlike my eldest who was 8. We tried everything on the eldest and none of it worked at all. I mean we spent years trying stuff and now we accept he just doesn't need the sleep. He is top of his class at school, works really hard and is super well behaved so he isn't tired at all.

So what I am saying is if your child sleeps through the night from an early age really appreciate it, it is super and realise that there are a lot of people who don't get that at all. Even now though he is a good boy he cannot help but make a racket at 6am, you know going to the toiled and dropping the seat or banging a door I mean he's a kid but we haven't had any sort of a lie in for over 10 years now.

i find it crazy how people with newborns share a bed. my wife and i had a great system where my wife would sleep on the spare bedroom and get up to do all the night feeds. in the morning we would swap over and she would sleep during the day. i dont see the point on both parents being awake (I'm awake so you're awake attitude) all you get is two grumpy adults that haven't slept being short with each other

 

[Reemul]

i find it crazy how people with newborns share a bed. my wife and i had a great system where my wife would sleep on the spare bedroom and get up to do all the night feeds. in the morning we would swap over and she would sleep during the day. i dont see the point on both parents being awake (I'm awake so you're awake attitude) all you get is two grumpy adults that haven't slept being short with each other

You are making an assumption. I sleep so lightly that slight noises in the house wake me all the time. So Kid makes noise, I wake up, sometimes wife wakes up, mostly we both wake up regardless. One of the things we did to allieviate this was have him in his own room at 6 months. we still both woke up regardless.

As mentioned above we tried everything to ensure we both got extra sleep it's just not that easy. Then when number 2 came along ensuring number 1 wouldn't wake to both were awake at the same time meant 2 adults were needed.

If only it was so simple as people tell you......

To add a 6 year old isn't a newborn...

 

[hovis]

You are making an assumption. I sleep so lightly that slight noises in the house wake me all the time. So Kid makes noise, I wake up, sometimes wife wakes up, mostly we both wake up regardless. One of the things we did to allieviate this was have him in his own room at 6 months. we still both woke up regardless.

As mentioned above we tried everything to ensure we both got extra sleep it's just not that easy. Then when number 2 came along ensuring number 1 wouldn't wake to both were awake at the same time meant 2 adults were needed. i should have made that more clear on my post

If only it was so simple as people tell you......

To add a 6 year old isn't a newborn...

i wasn't making assumptions. i quoted your post as you was talking about sleep patterns thats all. i wasn't referring to your routine. i should have made that more clear in my post

we put our child in her room from day one. this room had a single bed where mom slept for the first three months. i too am a light sleeper (a mouse farts and I'm awake) i invested in a set of ear plugs and slept away.

 

[richy]

Says who?

Erm.....

its not just the government that say its better. they'd make more money on tax selling the formula. there are many independent research papers available to read all confirming that breast milk is better
its scientifically proven that the mothers breast milk during the first two weeks contains shed loads off antibodys to map out the baby's immune system. i must have read 100's of papers on the subject. in America they've also shown that breast fed babies are less likely on a massive scale in developing IBS in later life.

as for not measuring it..... express the milk and put it into a bottle. now you can measure it and dad can now help with the feeds.

i get that some women can't but to choose not to for no specific reason is selfish in my opinion. anything natural has got to be better than powdered cows milk.

oh, and you save a shed load of money


can you list some of the reasons why breast isn't best please

My wife breastfed our first for 12 months.
And is 3 months into breastfeeding our second (which she will do for a year).

Our attitude is 'the research says breastfeeding is better' but even if they are wrong, why take the risk?
We want to give our two kids the very best opportunities in life. That's all we want.

I do appreciate some women can't breastfeed and I spoke to my wife about that and said 'if you can't, don't beat yourself up about it'.

Cheers lads, saved me some typing.

 

[SwingsitlikeHogan]

I'd rather like my old one back

 

[the smiling assassin]

Our two were both breast fed too. If that's the route you're hoping to go it may require some patience. There is definitely a technique to it, and it can be poorly taught by midwives in our experience. I'm not sure if it's true, but I've heard that a high percentage of mums who choose to bottle feed try breast feeding but switch within a couple of days due to discomfort. This does match our friends experiences too. Worth sticking with it, and getting help as my wife found each time it took a few days to properly get the hang of it again. Just need to feed mum healthy stuff thereafter. We avoided alcohol but not sure if there's any evidence to that, just felt right. Bottle feeding, from our very limited experience (when wife had mastitis for a few days), is a complete faff in comparison (her words, not mine!) and also surprisingly expensive.

 

[Rooter]

Re my breast is best comments which a few responded to. My wife couldn't breast feed, my comments were based around the experience of being judged by complete strangers. My eldest (9) is in the top 10% of her year group in every subject, is fit happy and healthy. The others are progressing in the same way.

One of the commenters said his mrs said, don't beat yourself up if you can't, which is spot on, but pretty hard to actually do for a woman.

I firmly believe that there is no disadvantage or anything by bottle feeding. Ok you have to pay for it, but hey, who cares, you gonna pay for their food for the next 16yrs+ anyway..

 

[MendieGK]

The whole 'give up golf' narrative is a load of tosh in my opinion. Life doesn't stop because you have a child. We all need our own time

shopping wise - Aldi nappies and wet wipes. Much cheaper and great quality. Wet wipes are life changing in so many ways. You'll regret not having them before you had a child, they're brilliant for everything.

once she Settles on a favourite toy/teddy/comfort item - buy LOTS of them! Life isn't worth living is it gets lost

 

[MendieGK]

Re my breast is best comments which a few responded to. My wife couldn't breast feed, my comments were based around the experience of being judged by complete strangers. My eldest (9) is in the top 10% of her year group in every subject, is fit happy and healthy. The others are progressing in the same way.

One of the commenters said his mrs said, don't beat yourself up if you can't, which is spot on, but pretty hard to actually do for a woman.

I firmly believe that there is no disadvantage or anything by bottle feeding. Ok you have to pay for it, but hey, who cares, you gonna pay for their food for the next 16yrs+ anyway..

i agree mate, you'll be made to feel like a criminal but it made our lives a lot easier when our lad struggled to breast feed

 

[ScienceBoy]

We couldn't get past 2 months, was 100% bottle by then. Just happens that way sometimes.

In the good old days there was always someone else to do it for you if you couldn't.

Our boy is very strong and physically able, he drinks gallons of milk now.

We got absolute 0 comments about bottle feeding from so young. It's not surprising to hear it still happening but we didn't encounter it.

RE those about non-sleeping toddlers etc. You are right, those of us with sleepers just don't understand! I realise that we are lucky to get the solid sleep we do and the evening free time.

When he doesnt sleep it hits us very hard, we are just not used to it.

Regarding nappies we found the cheaper ones did not work for us, broke and leaked a lot. Pampers were brilliant and we used a mixture of the Pants and normal style. Pants during the day and extra absorbent at night.

Buying premium is one of the reasons ours sleeps well as the cheaper nappies lead to bad nights sleep.

 

[richy]

Re my breast is best comments which a few responded to. My wife couldn't breast feed, my comments were based around the experience of being judged by complete strangers. My eldest (9) is in the top 10% of her year group in every subject, is fit happy and healthy. The others are progressing in the same way.

One of the commenters said his mrs said, don't beat yourself up if you can't, which is spot on, but pretty hard to actually do for a woman.

I firmly believe that there is no disadvantage or anything by bottle feeding. Ok you have to pay for it, but hey, who cares, you gonna pay for their food for the next 16yrs+ anyway..

Id never judge someone who bottle fed, especially if it was medical or the like. My wife's cousin was unable to and it cut her up inside.

It was tough for us to begin with, far harder than we expected it to be.

 

[Rooter]

Id never judge someone who bottle fed, especially if it was medical or the like. My wife's cousin was unable to and it cut her up inside.

It was tough for us to begin with, far harder than we expected it to be.

Nor would any other normal person! new mums are a different breed...

 

[chico]

Get yourself a cricketers box. It's amazing the amount of times they manage to smack you in the knackers as they're growing up.

 

[ScienceBoy]

Get yourself a cricketers box. It's amazing the amount of times they manage to smack you in the knackers as they're growing up.

2-3 times during the week and then that again each weekend day...

Friggin hurts

 

[Jimaroid]

Oh, Lordy, yes. And watch out for that special baby power move - the reverse tantrum with head butt into the nose.

It hurts. A lot. Especially during a dozy 3am feed.

 

[alexandral]

Actually, you should be more careful. it is necessary for you to keep patient and try harder.
i have two daughter and they are good children.

(Mod edit, links removed)

 

[G.U.R]

If we've moved on to warnings, then watch out for what I called the Kryptonite nugget in the nappy. It's about the size of a broad bean, has a half life of 30,000 years and can fill a house with the most god awful stench known to man.