Laughter - the best medicine

A couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Sarah, soon we will be married 20 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 20 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"

Sarah replied, "Well, James I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 20 years, but always for a good reason.

James was obviously hurt by his wife's confession but said, "I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons?'"

Sarah said, "The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage.

Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?"

James recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?"

Sarah asked, "And do you remember when you had the accident with the penis vacuum pump, but we didn't have the money to pay for the penis reconstruction surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge."

"I recall that," said James. "And you did it to save our marriage, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time."


"Alright," Sarah said. "So do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 97 more votes?"
 
Slime said:
A couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Sarah, soon we will be married 20 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 20 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"

Sarah replied, "Well, James I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 20 years, but always for a good reason.

James was obviously hurt by his wife's confession but said, "I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons?'"

Sarah said, "The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage.

Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?"

James recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?"

Sarah asked, "And do you remember when you had the accident with the penis vacuum pump, but we didn't have the money to pay for the penis reconstruction surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge."

"I recall that," said James. "And you did it to save our marriage, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time."


"Alright," Sarah said. "So do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 97 more votes?"
Click to expand...
The old ones are the best but it's a cracker.
It's the way ya tell 'em!
😉
 
I just posted this on the TV thread - what are you watching but it's just as at home here.

An old episode of One Foot in the Grave.
Victor is having his privates shaved by a male nurse with a cut throat razor in preparation for an op.
Nurse, shaving away:
"Amazing times we live in. A man on the moon!"
Victor: "Yes"
Nurse: "House prices are ridiculous"
Victor: "Where?"
Nurse: still shaving away, "On the moon. I got one. 30,000 lunar pounds".
Realisation dawns on Victor....
Enter three nurses : "Mr (), please put the razor down.... it's time to go home.
Cue Victor's face 😆
Ends with Victor's wife saying to him "Well, that was a close shave" Boom boom!
Decades ago and I laughed aloud so many times 👍
 
Looking for his ball, the golfer found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head, and the golfer’s ball beside him.
Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him. ‘Arrgh! What happened?’ the Leprechaun asked.
‘I’m afraid I hit you with my golf ball,’ the golfer says. ‘Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?’
‘Thank God, you’re all right!’ the golfer answers in relief. ‘I don’t want anything, I’m just glad you’re OK, and I apologise’.
And the golfer walks off.
‘What a nice guy,’ the Leprechaun says to himself. I have to do something for him. I’ll give him the three things I would want…
A great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life.’
A year goes by and the golfer is back.
On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods, and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.
‘Twas me that made ye hit the ball here,’ the little guy says. ‘I just want to ask ye, how’s yer golf game?’
‘My game is fantastic!’ the golfer answers. ‘I’m an internationally famous golfer now.’ He adds, ‘By the way, it’s good to see you’re all right.’
‘Oh, I’m fine now, thank ye. I did that fer yer golf game, you know. And tell me, how’s yer money situation?’ ‘Why, it’s just wonderful!’ the golfer states.
‘When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out $100 note I didn’t even know were there!’ ”I did that fer ye also.
And tell me, how’s yer sex life?’ The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, ‘It’s OK.’
‘C’mon, c’mon now,’ urged the Leprechaun, ‘I’m wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a week?’
Blushing even more, the golfer looks around, then whispers, ‘Once, sometimes twice a week.’
‘What??’ responds the Leprechaun in shock. ‘That’s all? Only once or twice a week?’
‘Well,’ says the golfer, ‘I figure that’s not bad for a priest in a small town’!
 
Slime said:
A couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, "Sarah, soon we will be married 20 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 20 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"

Sarah replied, "Well, James I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 20 years, but always for a good reason.

James was obviously hurt by his wife's confession but said, "I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons?'"

Sarah said, "The first time was shortly after we were married, and we were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage.

Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day he notified you that the loan would be extended?"

James recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive you for that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?"

Sarah asked, "And do you remember when you had the accident with the penis vacuum pump, but we didn't have the money to pay for the penis reconstruction surgery you needed? Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no charge."

"I recall that," said James. "And you did it to save our marriage, so of course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time."


"Alright," Sarah said. "So do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you needed 97 more votes?"
Click to expand...
I once worked with a guy who had an accident with one of those. 😳 in fact I was telling the story on Tuesday morning when me and two other lads were male bonding in the 19th 😂
 
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