Laughter - the best medicine

[Pants]

Never thought about it before but "SANTA" is an anagram of "SATAN".

Just saying ...

 

[Slime]

A man has been beaten with a relay baton and subsequently shot with a starting pistol.


Police are calling it race related!

 

[Slime]

I still clearly remember the day that Mum and Dad told me that Santa was fake.



I was so utterly heart broken that I jumped straight into the car and drove straight to the pub.

 

[Imurg]

Airline Marketing Executive....So we have a new idea...Once the plane has taken off we announce a surcharge for landing..if they don't pay, we don't land.

Everyone in the room....Wait, What?

Micheal O'Leary....I'm listening....

 

[Sid Rixon IV]

Yesterday I was at my local Morrisons store buying a large bag of Winalot dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog..
So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Winalot Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 2 stone before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit me.

 

[venger]

 

[venger]

 

[nickjdavis]

Never thought about it before but "SANTA" is an anagram of "SATAN".

Just saying ...

So you never heard about the dyslexic devil worshipper who sold his soul to Santa ?

 

[SocketRocket]

Yesterday I was at my local Morrisons store buying a large bag of Winalot dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog..
So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Winalot Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 2 stone before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit me.

I hear Winalot are in grave financial problems and may have to call in the Retrievers.

 

[SwingsitlikeHogan]

Never thought about it before but "SANTA" is an anagram of "SATAN".

Just saying ...

Well Santa epitomizes the commercialization of Christmas - and as the love of money is the root of all evil...

 

[Imurg]

 

[Slime]

A Dad gets home from work and his kid announces that he was awarded the Leslie Nielson award at school.
He asks "What's that?"
The kid replies "A large building full of kids, but that's not important right now"

 

[jim8flog]

I have seen many on a similar theme but one of the less political ones

 

[nickjdavis]

Porn gives young people an unrealistic and unhealthy expectation of just how quickly a plumber will show up.

 

[Slime]

 

[Slime]

A truck load of terrapins on its way to the Tynemouth Aquarium overturned in Ashington.

Local police described the scene as turtle mayhem.

 

[Slime]

I made a chicken salad the other day.




Turns out chickens don't like salad.

 

[venger]

 

[venger]

 

[venger]