Laughter - the best medicine

[srixon 1]

Always makes me smile when I see this. Some berk has put his stableford score into the gross score box in the computer. He got 94 points. Hole 16 is impressive as it is 598 yards long. ? However, the guy with the 2 on hole 9 is good because that is an a albatross on the 520 yard uphill par 5.

 

[Mudball]

Fwd...
HIS IS AN ACTUAL CUSTOMER REVIEW FROM A MAN ON AMAZON.CO. UK

AFTER USING VEET HAIR REMOVAL CREAM FOR MEN.

After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits.
Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit if a treat.
I ordered it well in advance and working in the North Sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...Oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was.
I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn' have long to wait.
At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head.
Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the the destruction of the meat and two veg.
Struggling not to bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel off in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen, by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief.
I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, toe the lid off and positioned it under me.
The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing returned. Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn'nt managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon.
I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and an tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse.
This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found its way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running its engines behind me.
This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.
The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before. Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering arhhh ooooohhh that feels good ahhh Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn'nt heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction.
I can understand that having a sprout fired against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasent the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status so to sum it up, VEET removes hair, dignity and self-respect.

 

[ColchesterFC]

 

[Voyager EMH]

I wonder if the frozen sprout game could catch on.
Probably similar to paintball - everyone has a go coz it seems like fun - then the novelty wears off.

 

[SatchFan]

 

[Slime]

 

[Slime]

 

[ColchesterFC]

I went to the pub for lunch today. On the specials board they had Tomato soup for £3 or Oasis soup for £3-50. I said to the barman, "What's Oasis soup"? He replied, "it's the same as the tomato soup but you get a roll with it".

 

[Slime]

 

[Orikoru]

View attachment 36714

I wish I could like this ten times. I have sent it directly to my wife.

 

[srixon 1]

I thought my nose was bleeding, but it's not.

 

[Slime]

I've just started writing a book about hurricanes and tornados.

It’s only a draft at the moment...

 

[Slime]

Been trying to write a book about Land Rover ownership.


But I just can't get it started!

 

[Orikoru]

https://www.reddit.com/r/golf/comments/nhm61d

?

 

[Smiffy]

 

[clubchamp98]

Fwd...
HIS IS AN ACTUAL CUSTOMER REVIEW FROM A MAN ON AMAZON.CO. UK

AFTER USING VEET HAIR REMOVAL CREAM FOR MEN.

After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits.
Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit if a treat.
I ordered it well in advance and working in the North Sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...Oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was.
I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn' have long to wait.
At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head.
Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the the destruction of the meat and two veg.
Struggling not to bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel off in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen, by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief.
I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, toe the lid off and positioned it under me.
The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing returned. Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn'nt managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon.
I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and an tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse.
This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found its way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running its engines behind me.
This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.
The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before. Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering arhhh ooooohhh that feels good ahhh Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn'nt heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction.
I can understand that having a sprout fired against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasent the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status so to sum it up, VEET removes hair, dignity and self-respect.

Oh jeez that made me laugh.
Had a episode with Fiery Jack on my knee once.
But made sure I washed my hands.
That should be up for the Bookerprize.

 

[Swinglowandslow]

Oh jeez that made me laugh.
Had a episode with Fiery Jack on my knee once.
But made sure I washed my hands.
That should be up for the Bookerprize.

And me. One of those times when you're reading it, and can't read further cos of the tears blurring your vision ?
Then you do, and you're off again with the laughing.
It is hilarious!

 

[clubchamp98]

And me. One of those times when you're reading it, and can't read further cos of the tears blurring your vision ?
Then you do, and you're off again with the laughing.
It is hilarious!

I always visualise the scene when reading a book.
It’s what makes a book good imo.
That I can’t unsee

 

[Slime]

What do we want?
More Mavis impersonators.
When do we want them?
I don't really know.

 

[Slime]

I think our house phone my have crossed lines with some shipping forecast number.

Every night, blokes ring up asking if the coast is clear.